Forgiven

Sasha sat on the park bench alone. It was early morning, and the brisk air brought a chill to her soul. She couldn’t believe that she was here, sitting on the park bench, cold, alone and penniless. It didn’t seem real. She felt like she was living someone else’s life.

“Wow, you have a beautiful voice. Listening to you sing, I felt I could walk right into heaven.” The gentleman said.

Sasha dropped her head and pushed her hair behind her ears. “Thank you.” She said shyly.

“Oh, please don’t drop your head. Not only do you have a lovely voice, but you are also beautiful! Don’t ever let anyone tell you anything different.” He smiled and walked away.

What an attractive man, she thought. But why did he just walk away. He’s probably married or something. Oh well, it was time to go home. Church was uplifting as always. She loved the way her pastor expounded on the word. It was always a message in it for her, if she was listening. This morning, she was listening, but the message didn’t seem to be relevant to anything that she ever experienced.

He was speaking on Tithes and how God blesses you when you give. He also talked about God’s protection over you and your finances when you give. She never thought anything of it. She was comfortable with dropping a few dollars in the offering basket but 10% of all she earned. That, she could not do.

Thinking back on that day, Sasha wished she would have listened more and took heed to the message. How could she have been so stupid, how could she, former valedictorian of her high school and top of her class in college, fall for such a wretched con artist. She heard it said that the heart wants what the heart wants but sometimes the heart is wrong.

“Thank you for stopping. I think I picked up a nail and my tire went flat. I called emergency roadside services, but they said it would be an hour before they could come and get me.” Sasha said.

“Oh, it’s no problem at all. My name is Derrick. I know we have run into each other a few times at church, but I never introduced myself. Do you have a spare in the trunk?” Derrick asked.

“Yes, I’m sure there is. I’m Sasha but you probably already know that since I’m on the praise team.” She smiled.

“Yes, I know. Well, let me get your tire changed and get you on your way. The forecast called for rain in about an hour.” He spoke.

That one encounter was the beginning of their relationship. She thought he was such a great guy, a gentleman. He was a wolf in sheep’s clothing. He said all the right things, did all the right things all the way up to cleaning out her entire bank account. He was sweet and subtle. She didn’t even know what he was doing until she was penniless. They were supposed to get married, have two children and a dog. He sold her the white picket fence story, and she bought it. That was all she bought. She couldn’t even buy a candy bar right now. Penniless, homeless, desperate, lost.

“Excuse me, miss, do you have a dollar you can spare.”

“Excuse me, what did you say?” She asked.

“I’m sorry to bother you miss, but do you have a dollar that you can spare.”

Sasha laughed inside. The nerves of some people. Here she was sitting on the bench, barely alive, stomach growling, with no hope of finding something to eat and someone was begging from her. She dug into her pocket and found her last dollar bill. There was nothing she could buy with it so she might as well give it to him and lay there and die.

She handed the crumpled-up dollar to the man, “Here you go. I hope it helps.”

“Thank you, thank you very much! God Bless You.” He turned and walked away with a lift in his step.

Sasha began to cry.

“That was a very kind thing that you did, giving someone your last.” The stranger said.

Sasha looked up amid her tears and saw the old woman looking down at her.

“Do you mind if I sit down? These old legs get tired quickly now.” The old woman asked.

“Sure, I don’t mind.” Sasha began to cry again.

“It’s okay, just lean over here on me and let me take away your tears.”

Something about the woman was soft and comforting. Sasha leaned over. The smell of lavender and roses accosted Sasha’s nose. Her grandmother had the same smell. She remembered that when she was a little girl. Sasha leaned into her more and the floodgates opened. Her body shook with the pain and heartache she felt. It was if every moment she had spent away from church, away from God was pressing against her.

“There, there, little one. Let it all out. God understands.” The old woman said.

Sasha sat up from the woman. “Thank you. I don’t why that all came out just now.”

“God does, Sasha and he cares for you.”

Sasha looked at her. She didn’t recall telling the woman her name. “How did you know my name?”

“Um, you didn’t say it while you were crying?”

“Not that I recall.” Sasha said, confused.

“Interesting. I’m Bessie. Would you like to talk about what’s got you so distraught?” Bessie asked.

“I might as well. I met this guy, Derrick, while I was stranded on the side of the road. We went to church together at one point. I thought he was everything! He was kind, gentle, loving and a snake. Except I didn’t know the snake part until he was gone and all my money.”

“Have you forgiven yourself?” Bessie asked.

“Do you mean have I forgiven him, absolutely not!” Sasha exclaimed.

“No, I meant, you. Before you can forgive someone else, you must first forgive yourself. Forgiveness starts from within.”

“But why do I need to forgive myself. I didn’t do anything wrong but trust the wrong person.” Sasha said, raising her voice even more.

“That’s exactly it. You trusted the wrong person when you should have kept your trust in God. Now, you’re angry at yourself because of all the bad choices you made, and you think that God doesn’t want you anymore because of all you did but he does. He still loves you; he still cares for you, and he wants you to come back to him.”

“Seriously,” her voice softened “after all I’ve done?”

“Yes, Sasha, after all you’ve done. Can you do something for me? Can you repeat after me?”

“Okay,” she said reluctantly.

“Sasha, I forgive you.”

“W-what?” Sasha said.

“Sasha, I forgive you.” Bessie repeated.

Sasha dropped her head and said, “Sasha, I forgive you.”

“I’m not perfect, and I make mistakes, but God has loved me through all of those. Let’s go back to him, because he still loves us.”

Sasha repeated the words as the tears came streaming down her face again. She closed her eyes and accepted the words that she spoke out loud. When she opened her eyes, Bessie was gone. She looked around for her and couldn’t find her. As she was walking away from the bench, she saw a sign on a building that she hadn’t noticed before and it read “Jesus saves”. She walked towards the building and with each step, the months of pain and grief seemed to fall off her.

“Yes, Sasha, I forgive you.”