Laying Roses

The candle that was lit in the living room flickered in and out, echoing on the walls throughout the room. I tried to focus on that and not the harrowing reality in front of me. I had lied to my parents before and believe me, I tried to think all my ways out but I couldn’t seem to find one. I did the only thing I could and called them.

 “Judith?”, my mother had answered. I told her I was at our vacation home, that there was something I couldn’t handle and I needed her and my father to meet me here immediately. I think back to all the times the police had come over to our home to question my parents once in my youth, I never thought much of it. Then, the police started arriving in their civilian clothes, over for football games and dinner, they did favors for my family and vice-versa, I prayed it wouldn’t be different this time. 

Rose was beautiful and very simple, and probably the only thing we shared in common, very rich. We grew up alongside each other with our elite socialite status. We were unstoppable. She was very wreckless which tied into her bravery, which led to a constant series of very questionable decisions and situations that we found ourselves in, that should’ve left us dead. Unfortunately, this one did for her. I can see how this could easily be pinned on me, I mean I’d like to believe that I did the right thing for my friend.

“Rose had wanted to try something new and fun, so we did and I don’t know what happened but,” the words burning in my throat. 

I could feel my neck straining and each word required a substantial amount of air to produce. I felt like I was dying.

 “But, we took whatever it was, she took more than what was recommended! But she was fine”, I choked and cried out. I had to find a way to center myself, my parents would not help me if they didn’t think I was strong enough. I swallowed the fear and continued, 

“She… She was fine until about a few hours ago. She was, we were singing and dancing around, we were peaking, we were having fun! And then, she just- just… I don’t know what happened, she was like seizing. I was so scared and I didn’t know what to do! She seized for so long, it looked so painful, she was foaming at the mouth but she was still breathing… But mom, she looked like she was in so much pain and I just couldn’t let her hurt.” 

I had never harmed anyone before and I still think I haven’t, I don’t think this counts as that. I was ending her misery. 

My parents didn’t seem all too phased but more bothered by the fact that I had ruined the evening. 

My dad sighed, “Rose was a party girl. You two were hanging out here, both under the influence, Rose got aggressive, you defended yourself, she stumbled back and as she ran towards you to attack, she fell. She starts seizing you, call us, end of the story.”

 And that was the end of it. No one questioned my father and the story was believable, Rose was wild, she lost control and these were the consequences of her actions. I started counseling immediately, everyone felt sorry for me, and even her parents apologized that I had to be present for her downfall. We lived like this for years until I just couldn’t anymore

I decided to move to Austin, Texas, hoping for a fresh start. There was no need to keep living where I was, wasting away with guilt and fear. I had a cute studio apartment, worked to get off drugs, and took pottery classes when I met Gordon. Gordon, the 24-year-old pottery teacher, who spent his free time at the local animal shelter. He convinced me to tag along one day, bribing me with the promise of being able to squeeze a loving pup. To our surprise, we realized we were ready, in love with each other, and even more in love with the 3-legged golden retriever that we named Sunshine. We moved out to the suburbs and did the mundane domestic things together. I was living the absolute dream, I knew in my heart we were going to get married. He knew everything about me, my favorite hole-in-the-wall burger shop, my favorite spot to read in the library, how I like my bed made; he knew everything about me as the version of myself I gave to him. The person I decided to be in Austin couldn’t be Judith Glenn, not if I wanted a new life.

  I wasn’t the type in my group of friends to draw attention. I think that’s part of why Rose liked me so much. If I wasn’t fighting for the attention then, Rose could freely have it all. Gordon knew everything about me as Rose. I know it’s kind of difficult to understand but, to me, in a way, I feel like I’m honoring her. We were best friends after all. I didn’t begin this trying to be her. I took some of her shining personality traits and implemented them into myself, only because I wanted to be more outgoing, and fun and not Judith. My life was beautiful, I finally found myself in the mess that I had become. 

Then, someone came to the house Gordon and I shared while I was out with Sunshine. Gordon was feeling under the weather so I offered to walk her alone so he could rest. The police knocked on the door and Gordon answered it. Dressed in pajama pants and a T-shirt, looking exhausted, he leans against the doorframe after he pulls it open, “You have the wrong house?” he asked.

“Does Judith Glenn live here?”

 “No.”

My picture is held up to Gordon’s line of view. “Do you know this woman?”

 “Yes.”

“Who is she?”

“My partner, her name is Rose McArthur and she lives here. How can I help you?”

“Where is she?’

“She’s walking our dog. How can I help you?”

“How long have you known Mrs. McArthur?”

“Two years.” Gordon looked distraught, who was Judith Glenn? As far as he’s concerned I existed only in the way I allowed him to believe. I didn’t know how to explain it to him. When I saw them approach I froze. What was I to do? Allow him to find out who I was? 

Before I could even realize what I was doing, my grip around Sunshine’s leash loosened. My heart was breaking as I looked at Gordon’s face. What was I to do? Stay and explain to him that I killed my best friend? That I have lied to him since the moment we met? I had to do anything to get Gordon as separated from Judith Glenn as possible. So, I did the only thing I could do. I called my parents.