The Depths Of Obsession

Content warning: This prompt contains discussion of SH and mental health.

I get out of bed and make my way to the forest.

I walk through the trees, the leaves crunching under my feet. The air is cool and crisp, and I can feel a slight shiver running down my spine, but it’s not from the cold. It’s from anticipation.

I spot Zain leaning against a tree, arms crossed over his chest. He looks bored, almost irritated, but there’s something else in his eyes when he sees me.

“What do you want?” he asks curtly.

“You,” I say softly. “All I want is you.”

He rolls his eyes, but I don’t miss the hint of softness in his gaze. His black hair is tousled, and his uniform looks rumpled. I gulp and look away. Fresh tears start to flow.

“Why don’t you love me?” My voice is thick with emotion and pain.

I hear him walking toward me. His presence feels hot but cold at the same time. He grabs my chin and makes me look at him. His cold gaze makes me want to scream.

Just love me back!

“I can’t love you, Arlene.” His voice is surprisingly soft.

“Why?” My voice rises in anger. “Why can’t you love me?”

“Because I’m obsessed with you!” He invades my space, our noses touching. “Which means you have some power over me, and I can’t let that happen, Arlene.” He grits out, still holding my teary eyes.

What does that even mean? He’s not obsessed with me. He’s a manipulative liar. I know what he’s trying to do.

“Don’t lie to me, Zain!” I shout. I want to slap him for the nonsense he’s spewing.

His grip on my chin tightens, his eyes burning into mine. "I’m not lying," he growls. "I am obsessed with you. I think about you all the time. I can’t get you out of my head. You’re like a damn disease inside my brain."

His words hit me like a ton of bricks, leaving me dumbfounded. I’m speechless. His confession of obsession is not what I expected.

“But I can’t love you. Love is weakness, and I refuse to let you have that power over me.”

“But you love Rosalia? You choose her over me every time!” I push my hands against his chest. “You can’t love me, but you can love her? I hate you so much!” I push him again, and he lets me.

I ignore the stinging pain in my wrist. Punching him again, I fall against his chest and cry. He holds me, wrapping his arms around my waist.

“I don’t love her, Arlene,” he says. Liar. He is such a good liar.

“I just use her like I do with everyone.”

There’s more? God, I hate him so much for making me feel this way.

He pulls me away and grabs my cheeks. “But you’re right, I would choose her over you every time.”

A sob leaves my mouth. I push him away, but he keeps me still.

“Because she doesn’t have the power over me like you have. If I give in to my obsession with you, I fear I would fall in love with you, and I can’t let that happen, Arlene.” He shakes my body. “Understand? I can’t let you have power over me,” he grits out, his eyes looking angry. I don’t know whether he’s angry at me or himself.

“Love makes you weak. You’re the perfect example of it. Not only that, but you’re proof of how obsession runs so deep that it drives someone to absolute madness.”

I shake my head.

“Yes, my dear Arlene. You may be my dearest obsession, and I yours, but the difference between us is that you’ll pick me over yourself every time, while I would pick myself over you every time.”

“You’re so pathetic, Zain,” I croak, letting out a hiccup.

He wipes away my tears and laughs coldly.

“Have you looked at yourself? Throwing yourself at every man who gives you the tiniest attention.”

His words cut deep because I know he’s right. I can’t live without male validation.

“I know you think I’m lying, but I hated when you had your eyes on Mr. Wellington. You could only see him, but when I gave you a little bit of attention at swimming practice, you were all over me, and I was happy.” He says with a smile.

“Do you know I followed you all the times you were out stalking him? When you went to his house, watching through the window, I was there. When you were at the restaurant, watching him and Rosalia, I was there. When you snuck out at night, watching them through the keyhole, I was there.” He leans in closer, his breath hovering over my lips.

“When you threatened him with a knife,” his mouth is now against my ear, “I was there.”

I gasp, not believing what he’s saying right now. He was stalking me all this time?

I can feel my heart pounding in my chest as he pulls back, a dark smile forming on his lips. The way he looks at me makes me weak and gives me goosebumps. He’s right. I’m weak; I would do anything for attention.

“Can you kiss me one last time?”

“If I do that, I fear it will change everything, and I can’t do that.” He says and takes a step back, distancing himself from me.

He turns away from me and starts to walk. I won’t let him leave me. I’ll get what I want, and I don’t care what the consequences are.

“You’re a coward, Zain! You’re nothing but a pathetic coward!” I scream, scared I’ll lose it again.

He stops abruptly and glances at me over his shoulder. Then he fully turns around, his eyes even colder than they were earlier.

“The only one who’s pathetic is you, Arlene. Cutting yourself because you know that no one will ever be able to love you.”

He walks toward me and yanks me by my hair. Pain shoots through me, and I close my eyes.

“You know why?”

I shake my head, unable to speak. I bite my lower lip, refusing to let a sound out.

“Open your eyes.” He yanks harder, and I do what he says.

“No one would ever be able to love you because you’re sick. And no guy wants a sick girl.”

My eyes are burning, and my lips are trembling. I hate how true his words are. Who wants a mentally unstable girl? No one.

“And you’re not sick?”

He knows he’s not healthy either, but I still need to make my point.

“No, you know what you are. You just can’t stand it when someone is crazier than you.”

He tightens his grip on my hair. I know I got to him. It’s all a competition to him. Who has the most power? Who is the craziest? And he wants to win in every category. Because deep down, guys like him are scared that girls have more power over them than they have over us. They’re scared that a girl will outdo them, so they go for the ‘easy’ ones. It’s all about competition to them. Zain is the perfect example of it.

I cry out in pain as Zain pulls me by my hair, yanking me closer to him. I can feel a tear trickling down my cheek.

“You’re not even denying it. We’re alike, Zain. You know it, and I know it.” His grip on me tightens.

“We’re nothing alike.”

I can feel my eyes watering as he continues to pull on my hair, the pain shooting through me. But I refuse to show him any weakness. I meet his gaze defiantly.

"You think you're some kind of psycho genius, but you're just a crazy boy who can't handle his own emotions," I hiss through gritted teeth.

His eyes gleam with excitement as I call him crazy. He likes it when I put up a fight. It feeds into the twisted power dynamic he’s always playing.

“Shut the fuck up before I kill us both.”

“Kiss me, and I will.”

I dare him, and I hope he does. That’s all I want, for now—him kissing me one last time.

He releases me and walks away without looking back. He just abandoned me. Left me here while my slow heart is still beating for him. There is nothing worse than being abandoned by the person you love. Silently, I walk back to my dorm. The school halls are full of students, but I don’t feel like I’m actually here. Everything sounds so distant, and the growing emptiness inside me is taking over without my permission.

I want to cry, but I can’t. After all, that’s what I wanted, right? Not to feel anything, only to feel like I want to die from all the hollowness inside me.

I'm not meant to be loved, only to be used.