Alone

ALONE

Do you not fear being alone?

Imagine dying and coming back to life.

After saving the one you thought loved you

As they left you to recover by yourself.

Better yet

Let's say it was 2 days after your 18^th birthday.

Looking at 5'o clock on your screen as you're sitting inside of the RTA bus stop.

Waiting for the number 6 bus to come at 5:30.

Feeling happy

Because you're about to take another step forward in the right direction of life.

Yor started the first year of college to be a chemical engineer

after having early college courses since the age of 11.

Heading to purchase your first car.

As your love is right beside you during your journey.

Just sitting and visualizing your future

As everything is looking like it's going as you planned for yourself.

It's 5:13 and there is a stranger walking towards the both of you.

You're on your phone

But you glanced up.

Because looking in your peripheral your partner is getting up to have a smoke outside of the bus stop.

You smile at them as the sun is smiling on this beautiful day.

Nothing can be better than this is all you're thinking.

Then you watch in a matter of seconds this stranger asking your partner for the time.

Noticing when your partner puts their head down to grab their phone.

This stranger is pulling out a gun to possibly rob or kill them.

So, you jump out of your seat and rush in front of the gun.

Scared but brave hearted enough to save the life of your love.

Looking down the barrel of your future that is disappearing in seconds.

Then boom

Is all that's heard.

While wondering.

Why is your body hitting the ground?

Without any reflexes of movements to catch your fall.

The better question was.

Why are you falling?

Like someone pulled the power chip from the back of your neck as your body is shutting down.

Feeling powerless as your face introduces itself to the pavement.

Watching this person running down the street with your belongings.

You're slowly moving with a determined mind to get back on your feet.

The EMS approaches as you're greeted with questions.

Are you ok?

Do you want to go to the hospital or go home?

Do you know that you have blood coming from your head?

Angry but filled with confusion as your adrenaline has taken over.

Touching to feel around for the blood that they are speaking of.

Saying,

Why not?

As you still don’t understand the severity of what just happened.

But thinking.

It could have been worse.

Stepping into the ambulance.

Heading straight to the hospital as your partner is sitting right beside you.

Once getting checked through the emergency.

You are immediately put in a room.

It's been 10 minutes of sitting around for the next available doctor to assist you.

As you feel a migraine slowly approaching.

Still waiting as your partner is sitting silently with no conversation to be had.

It's 5:46

Your headache begins to become more powerful as you feel like someone is hitting you with a hammer to the skull.

You start to hear a loud ringing in your ears that no one else can hear.

Gripping the bed rails while trying to get up and head to the front desk.

Screaming for someone to help you.

Then suddenly you have an outer body experience.

Right at the moment of stepping in the middle of the doorway feeling the separation of yourself.

Watching your meat suit hit the ground.

Then.

Darkness surrounded you.

Nothing to be seen but the dimly lit light shining on you.

Only able to view yourself seated in this black and silver chair.

Understanding that if you're dead you're not in hell.

Because there's nothing hurting you.

No flames.

No glacier cold moments

No heat from a volcanic explosion.

But you're not in heaven either.

Because there's no bright lights to lead you.

No familiar faces to see.

Noticing that you're in a place of nothingness as you're sitting in this square chair.

Arms comfortably placed on the arm rest.

Trying to figure out where you are.

As you look around to find where this light is coming from.

While,

Only seeing darkness.

You suddenly realize that the light is coming from you.

Although it's dimly lit.

It's your light.

Not being able to remove yourself from the seat that you are in.

But also,

not afraid of this unknown place.

Then you woke up.

Thinking it's the next day and it was all a dream.

To find out that it has been 2 months of time that you missed.

Feeling as if you were only down for at least a few hours at most.

Confused while pulling this uncomfortable tube out of your throat.

Wondering,

Why was it there in the first place?

But quickly making way so that you can speak.

Coughing while holding your neck.

Your doctor comes into the room to inform you of the bad news to be given.

Saying.

You died and came back.

As well as fell into a coma for 4 weeks.

Your right side of your body is going to be paralyzed and you're most likely going to be a vegetable unfortunately.

Laughing in the doctor's face while being insulted by their words.

As you're sure to make them aware that.

You will be just fine.

Especially for the fact that you understood every word that came out of their mouth.

“A vegetable would not be played in this hand of life” you replied.

But finding out nor will college.

Only an hour passed.

Your partner comes to your hospital room.

No flowers.

No card.

But this person came to have sex with you.

No foreplay

Just straight penetration until they are satisfied.

Cleaning them self’s off after having their fun with your body.

Then say to you.

They no longer want a relationship.

Because they found out what your soon conditions will be.

Unable to have emotions as the medication that was given to you took over.

You look at the person you thought loved you.

As they turn their back to you and started walking away without a care in the world.

As if you didn’t just save their life.

Speechless in the moments of watching as your world is falling apart.

Feeling almost emotionless.

Taking your time to step out of the bed.

You're limping like your body no longer has the strength to carry you.

But you're determined to get in the bathroom mirror.

Walking with this metal IV pole to keep your balance and see what you now look like.

Turning the lights on

To not recognize the face that's looking back at you.

Tears flooded your facial surface seeming like your emotions out did the medicine.

As anger filled every thought to be had.

Looking at how your head was shaved bald.

But remembering yourself with long thick hair.

Your neck is swollen.

Your body has been fluffed up.

A huge scar that traveled from the top of your forehead.

Around to the front of your ear is completely seen to be saddening.

Staring at yourself in shame as the fluids are leaking from the scar on your head.

You start to think you’re a Frankenstein remake or some kind of monster.

Feeling the soft spot of your head as you notice a piece of your skull is no longer in its place.

You are no longer whole.

Upset because apart of you is missing.

Figuring out you had head surgery and they destroyed you.

But in anger immediately thinking,

It's time to get out of here.

Not only from the hate of being in the hospital.

But because you knew that you didn't belong there.

Practicing on how to walk all night as everyone is sleeping.

Quickly regaining strength doing your old track workouts.

The next day comes.

You’re in movement down the hallways as the rooms are getting passed faster and faster.

It takes 4 security guards to chase and catch you.

Because you're running and trying to escape.

A miraculous recovery is what the doctor says.

Once you are caught and brought back to your room.

You started talking to your mother as she tells you.

“Your alleged love didn't even take the time to tell me that you were in the hospital.”

But the hospital called her because she was an emergency contact.

Feeling alone as you're hearing all the news of things that happened while you were in a coma.

Realizing that the sayings are true.

It doesn't matter if you are here or not,

life's going to continue to go on without you.

As you wait for the discharge papers to be sent in.

Remembering it was 2 days after your birthday.

You were looking at your phone sitting inside of the RTA bus stop, and it was 5 o'clock.

Now you have imagined.

A true story of my life.

By Victoria Halton