Last Christmas Forever

*** A follow-up to Talk of The Devil. Some mild language and sexual references ***

What’s that?

What’s what?

There, in the window. That big, narrow banner thing with those weird looking symbols all lit up. Didn’t think Starbucks had gone all Chinese.

Oh, Evelyn, what are you like? It’s the sign on the side of the Drive Thru reflected.

Oh – what? Ord…r… he…? Well, you’d think they’d at least include all the letters and turn them the right way around.

Yeah, look funny like that, don’t they? More Korean, I’d say.

Well – Chinese, Korean, Greek, who knows?

Nah, not Greek. I did that at school. It’s why I still write my ‘a’s’ and ‘e’s’ like I do.

And Korean?

No, I didn’t do that. Couldn’t spare Mr Choi from Maths.

So how do you know it, then?

I don’t - except for Ah Puh Tuh.

Huh?

The song. APT, short for Apartment or A Perfect Time – seems to be some confusion – but they sing it phonetically. I’ve got it on Amazon Music. I was reading the lyrics.

Never heard of it.

Pretty sure it’s in the top three.

God, Cass, I think the last time I took any notice of the music charts was when George Michael was number one.

No change there then. Last Christmas, always Last bloody Christmas. Every freaking December, you’d think folk would want to move on.

Was thinking more Careless Whisper. And, hey, I moved on from that.

Oh yeah… Davy, it’s better this way…

Don’t Cass, just don’t…

Well, I don’t know about your Dave, but mine had a laugh at that anyway. Good for you, he said when you left him. He always was very fond of you and Helen.

Oh well, who didn't like Helen? Let her lodge with you too for a while there, didn't he? I moved out, she moved in, but then your Dave isn’t a miserable prick.

No, just likes the idea of every song being about him, and that advert too, the Learn to Swim one… Oh, Dave can do anything, oh, he’s great… Remember how he always used to quote it? Still does now and then.

Never did learn to swim though, did he?

Ha, no, always said he didn’t like his feet getting wet. Scared to show them in public more like - him and his freaky long piano toes.

Can’t be all that bad, can they?

Of course they're not, but you know what he's like. Always fussing and preening, and for long enough couldn’t walk past a mirror. Got some odd looks from drivers when he stopped to check himself out in their wings. And remember Freya…? Mum, Dad’s stuck in the bathroom again. Says his hair won’t gel up right. He’s gonna miss his own birthday do at this rate…

Made the most of it though, didn’t she?

Haha, yeah, the Carly Simon on karaoke.

You know, my Dave thought that was terrible. Your Dave laughing away, taking it all in good fun and there’s him with a face like fizz – which was a darn sight more than I would have had in my glass that night if it hadn’t been you lot and Helen and her man at the time buying the rounds. Brand new car every year, but I had to beg if I wanted so much as a sweetie. Hey, can you imagine what he’d say if he saw me now? Six pounds fifty for a coffee – he’d have a blue fit.

Should have tried meeting up for coffee back then, you’d have got rid of him quicker.

Yeah, we should have. Missed out on so much, didn’t I? All those years I hardly went anywhere. The park with the kids, and once a week shopping with him and his stupid yellow-sticker list. Even stopped coming round to yours cos I felt I was taking advantage… And then when you did the Book Club, with Sue forever suggesting I go to her soup kitchen at the Sally Ann… And when thingy was there – that Moll – Oh, surely you can manage to bring a bottle once in a while. Your Dave works all hours, you can’t be that badly off…

Oh, don’t feel bad about her… Still, funny you should say that, and I hate to tell you this, but she’s back. Got the shock of my life when she turned up the other day, talking about how her kids have disowned her, and how she reckons she’s living below a pair of Satanists. Thinks Sue’s one too, would you credit it? Gone absolutely barmy – even worse than before. Thought she’d never leave.

Christ, I’m glad I wasn’t there… Remember when I’d scraped together just enough to make those brownies and Moll convinced herself I’d laced them with drugs just because she saw that kiddie’s medicine syringe lying next to them on the kitchen unit…?

Yeah, The Poisoned Chocolates Case… Or was it Malice Aforethought?

What?

The novel we were on at the time.

Couldn’t tell you. Can’t be doing with books. Only came cos it got me out the house and away from him. And I did enjoy the company apart from her… Here, hope she doesn’t come seeking me out.

Well, she did ask for yours and Helen’s number.

Please tell me you didn’t!

Nah, you’re okay, I said I didn’t know it. She did mention starting up the book club again, though.

Well, next time she darkens your door, just tell her I’m all booked up, but thanks for the warning… Bit awkward for you though, wasn’t it, what with your Freya and her Belinda? Can’t imagine she’d be happy about that.

She doesn’t know, although I very nearly let it slip.

Oh, I would have. Would have served her right. Bloody bigot going on about her Jamie's wife and her past relationships. Even Sue, for all her religion, is way more accepting. Or at least she has been since Adam.

Adam, yeah. What age was she when she finally lost her virginity? Thirty-three? And her mother, oh, cripes…! Susan, please tell me you didn’t lie down for him… No, Mum, we did it doggy style… Oh… Oh no…

What?

Oh, just something Moll said about her husband and the dog.

Hell, she was always saying stuff about him. Didn’t believe the half of it. Felt sorry for the man, really. And her kids… But then, I… er… What was I saying again…?

You okay there, Ev? You look a bit chilly… And away in a world of your own… Thought for a minute you’d seen someone in the café. You had the same look on your face when you last saw your Dave - like he’d ever be in there… Not still trying to figure out that daft reflection?

No…Well, yes in a way, I was thinking… Funny, isn’t it, how you see a thing a certain way sometimes so it’s like you can’t help but still see it like that even after you know you’ve been seeing it wrong? And all the time you’re trying to work out how it got that way and can’t…

I suppose...

Pretty, though isn’t it? Like white Christmas butterflies, all spreading their wings, rising up from a beautiful, leafy stem...

Hmm, that's like something Helen would say... Wait... Is that her over there...? And is that my Dave? Thought he was away on that spa weekend... Ach, looks like they're just waiting on the train... Yeah, probably running late, knowing him... Once the Mirror Man, always... And I think Helen said she was off to her mum's.

Yeah, sounds about right... No, you’d never think it was just a Drive Thru sign, and you’d never believe it was faulty at all...