Why Merry Was, “Mary” About Her Life

Once upon a time in a huge metropolis called Danville, Va., there lived a 12 year-old girl named Merry. She had everything needed to live a life that was as perfect as can be expected except for one minor problem, she was born with 2 heads. That made life really difficult for her. The worst part about ti was that neither of her heads could agree on the same thing. One of them wanted to do things that most girls enjoy like wear makeup and pretty clothes whereas the other one was a tomboy who was more interested in fishing, studying reptiles and playing baseball like the guys did. The problem was nobody wanted to play with her just because of that second head anyway. It was also quite difficult when she started going to school. Besides the fact that the other students couldn’t concentrate on their classroom because they were so transfixed on staring at her that none of the students who happened to be in the classroom were learning the amount of things that a normal student would pick up because they couldn’t take their eyes off of Marry. As she grew older, taking tests became a lot easier for her then any of the other kids in class because if she had a harder question, she’d ask the other head for a second opinion. At least one of them knew the answers on most of many of the tests. That made her be twice as intelligent as all the other kids, but they didn’t want to have anything to do with her. Sometimes each head had a different opinion about something and they would argue about it. Finally one of them would say, “Aw, who said, ‘2 heads are much better than 1?’ “

Getting dates with guys was also awkward. Each time somebody would set her up with one they wouldn’t mention the fact that she had a second head. That was always a surprise to the guys, and the worst part about it was sometimes one head would really love the boy but the other thought he was a total jerk. That made dating quite awkward because the head who didn’t like him would always end up getting her way since she’d say stupid things which turned him off.

Another problem was getting haircuts since one head wanted longer hair then the other which always ended up in a great deal of arguing about how long it would be. One of them even wanted to be a punk and dye her hair purple which made for a major bit of arguing which usually ended up with one of, or both of them in tears. Life was quite hard for the 2-headed teenage girl.

Getting haircuts was also a major to-do because one wanted long hair, the other wanted short hair which often caused a great deal of controversy for her because one head wanted short, dark hair and the other wanted long, punk hair, meaning pink or purple. When people would stare at them when they went out in public they figured it was because of the hair color.

Finally Mary had enough. “It’s impossible for me to do much of anything because you won’t make up your mind like a, ‘normal’ person will do! I am as, ‘normal’ as any girl in the school!”

“That’s fine with me!” shouted the other head, “You keep stepping on my toes because you’re so different from me! At least I think it’s you who’s been stepping on them anyway. It’s hard to see that far down my body! I wish you would go somewhere! You really do get me so mad!”

“Oh yeah?” said the other head with a scowl, “Well, thanks to you the cutest guy in the school won’t even look at me! Then again, nobody will, including the girls! Anyway, it’s all your fault! Everybody who has 2 heads gets along perfectly with the other one! It’s all your fault!”

When the doctor said, “Send in the next patient now,” the receptionist told him he wouldn’t like seeing this patient as much, but since he’d never turned down any person who had come to see him in the past, and he wasn’t about to start doing that then either. He was reading the notes that he’d taken from his previous patient when Mary entered the room and sat down on the couch. She let out a huge sigh, so the other head too. Thien the psychiatrist, whose name was Dr. Pepper, said, “Now then, talk to me. Please tell me what your problem is with your life.”

That’s when Mary said, “Well, Doc, it’s like this, my other head is pretty much a jerk as well!”

Being quite offended, the other head said in a different voice, “No! He’s the only one around here who’s a jerk! That’s what I want to do with a hole in his neck, ‘jerk’ it! He’s a pimple on the royal ars! All he ever does is argue with everything I want to say or do! I can’t deal with that!”

Before Dr. Pepper could say anything, the other head said in a different voice, “No Doc! He’s a lier! That is all he does, ‘lie,’ except most of the time it’s either on my bed or my sofa!”

That’s when Dr. Pepper said, “Well, it seems we have a bit of a discrepancy here! One of you is wrong so let’s try to figure out who’s in the right and which one needs help, shall we?”

Then both heads began talking at the same time so when the doctor finally looked up and said, “Alright! I’ve just about heard enough of you guys arguing! Let’s try to be a little more,”

Then he saw both heads were on the same person. He realized this was an unusual case from what he’d studied in school. He looked up, “How to handle a 2 headed person’s argument,” but oddly enough, there was nothing in his book about that. That’s when he said, “Excuse me a moment,” and went into the lobby to tell the receptionist to call another shrink named Dr. Doctor. That’s because he’d had many patients come running into his office shouting, “Dr.! Dr.! Give me the news! I’ve got a bad case of loving you!” He even called a podiatrist named Dr. Sholes. Also a brain surgeon named Dr. Franklin Norman Stein, but on his door it read, “Dr. Frank N. Stein.” He was busy talking to a podiatrist named Dr. Sholes and even one who’d left a bad taste in his mouth named Dr. Pepper. Anyway, with all those doctors in the same room they should have been able to come up with some way to help the lad, but they all looked at each other and shrugged their shoulders. It was obvious nobody could do anything to help the poor girl out even the slightest little bit the way she really needed it mostly.

That’s when things finally came to a, “head,” so that was when they called the, “head” of the most prestigious brain specialist anybody had ever heard of to ask him for advice. When poor Mery went to see him, she was fit to be tied since she’d been to every doctor in the whole U. S. of A. and none of them had been able to help her. She used to enjoy riding her bicycle but the stress made her feel, “2-tired” to even do that any more. One of the main problems she had was that one of her heads wanted to just settle down and get married whereas the other head had sworn off men altogether. The doctor didn’t understand. All of his 2-headed patients had no problems getting along, or at least that’s what he told Mary so they wouldn’t feel so bad, thinking they were the only case of a 2-headed person who couldn’t get along with one of them.

Having 2 heads came in handy sometimes. At least she could see places other than right in front of her. Sometimes when she had a huge problem and wanted a second opinion on it, she always had one. Another cool thing was at night one of her heads could sleep while the other stayed up and read things or watched t v while she slept. On the other hand, it also caused some problems like when she had to sneeze, quite often she’d put the tissue over the wrong nose, which had disastrous results. It also took twice as long to dry and curl her hair after bathing. Yet for the most part having an extra head came in pretty handy about certain things.

Then while she was outside reading a love story and a science fiction book at the same time, she heard a scream. That caused her to throw her book on the ground and run to see what was happening. It was then she saw a woman standing over a big pool of water, still screaming and yelling, “My baby! She fell into the pool and I can’t swim! Somebody please help her! She’s 1 year-old!” The woman was jumping and waving her arms frantically trying to get some attention. That’s when Mary jumped into action. She ran to the pool and looked in. As she saw what looked like something on the bottom, she dove in and went down to where the motionless figure lay on the bottom, but right beside it was something that resembled a different body. When Mary dove in, she saw ti was, indeed, a 14 month-old baby lying on the bottom. She swam down and scooped it up, but then she noticed another motionless figure lying on the bottom as well. When she got down closer to it, she saw it was another baby who had evidently fallen in first and the other child was trying to reach her. As Merry pulled up both children, she laid them on the side of the pool, then did c. p. r. on both children. “Dear God, now please help me do this right!” she whispered under her breath. Since she had 2 heads, one was over each child’s mouth. A few seconds later one of them coughed. Then in several more seconds the other child took a desperate breath and commenced to coughing. An ambulance arrived a few seconds later. When the men arrived at the scene, they were both prepared to put their mouths on those children, but when they saw Mery had already revived both of the children, they patted her on the back saying, “Way to go, girl! You did a fantastic job! Without you, both of those children would have drowned! Oh, thank you for saving their lives! Way to go!” Then they laughed out of utter joy that Mary had saved both of those children’s lives at the same time, none of the rescue men could have done that, considering one of them was busy talking on his walkey to headquarters. When they saw Mary had already saved both of the children's lives at the same time, they rejoiced with exceeding great joy and appreciation to Mary’s quick thinking and know-how about what to do in that kind of situation. A few seconds later the mother came running down, screaming at the top of her lungs, but when she saw her babies were both lying on the ground with their eyes open she praised the Lord for the people who had saved both of her children’s lives. When she learned that the same person had saved both of her kids, she didn’t understand it, but then she saw Mery smiling at her. Then she grabbed her in a huge bear-hug and wept bitterly, but Mary said, “Gosh, Momma! It’s alright now! You were supposed to cry if I couldn’t save those children’s lives! Yet I did, so you can stop crying any time now!”

If Mery had only had one head she wouldn’t have been able to save both of those children’s lives at the same time, but thanks to her quick-thinking, she ended up being a real hero. Then the exact same people who had made fun of her because she was different than everybody else changed their minds about her. Not only did Mary become a well-known hero in that town, but her fame spread over the whole state. That meant lots of guys were begging to go out with her.

After dating several men for a while, she eventually fell in love with one of the most talented, loving, Christian guys in the whole city. Then, “Marry-married” him so they were both, “merry.” Later when she became great-with-child, her son was born with 2 heads, just like his mamma. Even though he looked different then the other kids in school, he felt more blessed than any of them to have such an awesome, unique, outstanding mom who was a little bit different than all the other kid’s moms who just had one head. Anyway, after that lifesaving incident, Mary was never made fun of again. Rather, the same people who had teased her about her abnormality were then rejoicing because she was just a little bit different than everybody else, but then again, that’s what makes the world go around, people who appear to be just a little bit different from everybody else. That proves the old saying really is true, “2 heads are better than 1.”

The end. By, Cuz Roye, ….1-434-849-8268. Please call me sometime, or call me, “Cuz.”