THE LIGHTHOUSE: LAURA'S MEMORIES

CW: Themes of grief and loss

Chamomile tea has always soothed me during the bad days and I have been having a lot of bad days. I have days when I cry. I have days when I smile and laugh. I have days when I just don't care about life.

I can't count how long it's been since my husband, the man I love more than anything in the world went missing at sea. It's been a hard time for me. I never knew pain like this.

My baby girl Jaylen took it the hardest. She was so close to her friend. It's hard for me to talk about my daughter. She was my rock. The one who told me not to give up. That's exactly what I did. My girl was angry with me then she left.

Tea is all done. I take my cup of tea and I go and sit on my rocking chair. This is the same chair I sat in when Jaylen was a baby and rocked her to sleep.

I sit in this rocking chair and stare out the window hoping for a miracle, hoping for my girl to come home. Or maybe hoping for Colton to come home but I never that is never going to happen.

I sit in this rocking chair thinking of all the memories I made in this house with Colton and Jaylen. The happy memories of laughter and the smell of baked cookies.

I haven't had this feeling of longing in a long time. I haven't shared the pain I've been harboring within me since Jaylen left. I haven't shared the memories of Colton with anyone and I want too.

I went about life after Jaylen left with a sense of numbness. I didn't feel anything for a long time. I lost my husband than my daughter. Life to me felt like nothing.

Over the years I tired to forget the memories of Colton but I couldn't. They kept coming to me every time I close my eyes. It was like a wave crashing down on me.

I remember the first time I met Colton. I was a totally different person. I wouldn't recognize myself. I was the wild child of Harbor Haven.

The people of this town wouldn't give me the time of day expect for Colton. He was the only person to ever see me for who I was instead of what I wore. He saw me as a real person not the wild child everybody else saw.

I was nervous to be around Colton. He was so put together unlike me. Every time someone made a comment about me Colton stood up for me.

Colton made me laugh like nobody ever had. It was easy to be around him and it was easy to fall in love with him.

As I spent more and more time with Colton my feelings for him grew and those feelings turned into love. I knew Colton felt the same way about me.

Slowly, I started to change. I was out growing my wild child days. Colton was okay with my change. He supported me. My love for him grew ten-fold. I liked the change I was making.

Colton was everything I could ever ask for in a man, in a partner, in a husband and eventually in a father. Those memories I want to share with Jaylen and so much more.

Harbor Haven is not the easiest place to live but Colton made it better. He made sure I always had a smile on my face. Don't get me wrong I love Harbor Haven but sometimes the people can be stuck up.

Somehow Colton was different and that scared me. I used to see Colton walking down the street with this cool guy swagger. All the girls were drawn to him and me on the outside.

Colton didn't give those girls any attention they craved. He gave me the attention. I had no words. I was nervous and scared to be around Colton.

Colton never made me feel ashamed of who I was. He made me feel beautiful. The other girls were jealous of me because I had Colton and they didn't. I didn't care about those girls.

Me and Colton spent a lot of time getting to know each other. He was easy to talk too. I told him about my life. He didn't judge me. Colton was an open-minded person.

Colton told me about his love of the water, his passion for fixing boats and the lighthouse.His eyes always lit up whenever he talked about the lighthouse.

I need more tea. It's hard to talk about Colton but I find remembering the good times is giving me a sense of peace that I never felt before.

I grab my cup of tea and go back and sit on my rocking chair. I can count how many times I fixed this chair. I didn't want to throw it away. So many memories.

The best memory I had with Colton is the day he proposed to me. I didn't see it coming. I was stunned beyond belief. Colton proposed to me on the Heart of Diamond. It was the most magical proposal.

When I close my eyes, I can still see Colton on one knee, the ring out and his hopeful eyes. I was completely and total in love with Colton. I of course said yes.

We were married within the year. We got married at the lighthouse. After that came the most precious memory of all. I surprised Colton with the news we were going to be parents in the same place he proposed to me.

We waited the nine months to find out we were having a baby girl. We were over the moon. Colton held her for the first time. He didn't want to let her go.

This rocking chair Colton made for and Jaylen. He made it with his bare hands. It's why I kept fixing it up. The rocking chair is one piece of Colton I never want to let go.

I remember spending so many hours sitting on this rocking chair rocking my girl to sleep, singing to her and comforting her. She was the most beautiful baby.

Jaylen has a smile that will melt your heart. She had Colton wrapped around her finger. One smile and he was a goner. Those two were as close as a father and daughter can be. Best friends, I called them.

Me and Jaylen were very close as well. We spent so many days and nights cooking and baking. Singing and dancing. Chocolate chip cookies were our favorite to make.

I miss my girl so much. I know I disappointed her by giving up. I want to make things right between us. My beautiful girl gave me and Colton twenty years of happy memories.

From her first steps, to her first day at school, to her prom and high school graduation, to her first job, to her first day at college.

Jaylen made me a proud mother and Colton a proud father. I want her home. "I'm home, mama." I turn around and see my girl.

I rush to her and give her a hug. I look at her. She looks so beautiful. "I'll go make your favorite cup of tea and we'll talk.