A Resolve

Christmas Eve 2021 instead of thinking about tomorrow I am thinking about my New Year's resolution (seven days from now).

Until, last year I was terrible about following through with my past resolutions, which I attribute the reason is they were so generic, and cliche (workout, eat better, drink (alcohol) less) finally completing the latter last year, which I started November 2020. I'm not sure that even counts as a New Year resolution.

Now, I am bored again seeking out to find the perfect resolution, but I want and need some meaning behind it. The past six years have been especially hard for me; I changed careers, went through a long divorce, raising my kids as a single parent , finishing my degree, along with the countless setbacks I have endured along the way. Not to mention I haven't had sex in over four years (since my divorce) and while I was married sex was far and few between. I couldn't give you the day or month when I last had sex it was somewhere between August-September 2017.

However, that wasn't the worst (of the six years) the last two years have been especially shitty for me as for most of the world. That’s why I’m in this predicament. I’m in search for something but not exactly what I’m searching for only that I know I need to find it just in case 2022 becomes another shitty year.

What I find doesn't have to be difficult or easy just want something with meaning. I need a RESOLVE.

In search of my own RESOLVE, I had no idea what I got myself into. It seems there are many people looking for the same answers as me when it comes theirs New Year's resolution. Before I began my research, I formulated a plan: Step one: (The plan) interview people (the real world) on their past, current, and future resolutions.

The only people I see other than my kids and my two dogs are from work. Majority of my coworkers I like, and I assume like me, so they shouldn't be put off by my questioning for this experiment.

Step two: Make of list of who I want to interview, who I trust, and make sure this study doesn't discriminate. Men and women of all ages and all backgrounds need to be included in my research. Step three: I will have my kids from Christmas (tomorrow) through the new year so all of my interviews will have to be during work Monday December 27th-30th, 2021.

Step five: Supply myself with a blueprint of names with a daily quota of how many of my coworkers I am going to meet each day. Step six: My potential list had thirteen names give or take leaving room in case of any additional interviewees.

Step seven: Monday, December 27,2021: implement a daily quota of three leaving room for unexpected interviews. Completing three interviews is more than reasonable to complete by the end of the workday Thursday. For privacy purposes and in order to agree to full disclosure I will not reveal which interview goes to which candidate for each day. I will only playback the introduction (candidate redacted) and conclusion of each interview.

Monday, December 27, 2021, 10:08 (am/ my lunch break) I begin my first interview of the day by pressing record on my memos.

"Today is Monday, December 27, 2021, at 10:08 (am). As this will be redacted for my records and data research, please state your name."

"My name is REDACTED"

"REDACTED, thank you I appreciate your participation in this interview."

"No problem. This is interesting." REDACTED(#1)said followed by laughs.

(Fast forward) 

—-Stop tape

(Press Play)

"Get a divorce is my New Year's 2022 resolution." REDACTED(#1)said.

"This is a tall order, and it could take longer than a year possibly years. These type of things have a way of dragging out."

"I realize but enough is enough and I’m planning to execute my plan January 3, 2022. Do you know of any good lawyers? "REDACTED(#2)said followed by laughs.

"REDACTED, thank you again for giving me this time and being the nature of your resolution, it’s weird to say but I hope you succeed within your Resolve.

----Stop tape. I press play on time stamp at the 10:19 (am). mark.

I shook hands with REDACTED and before I knew it, I was talking with someone in an adjacent department passing through and with a quick explanation I snagged my first guest spot interviewee. Since I was still on schedule with my daily quota I went ahead and proceeded with the interview.

"Today is Monday, December 27, 2021, at 10:29 (am). Please state your name."

"My name is REDACTED."

"Thank you REDACTED."

"Turn off my booty call apps and talk to people in real life." REDACTED(#2)said.

"Booty call apps?"

"Yeah, tinder, Zoosk, be naughty (to name a few)."

"What makes you want to do this?"

"Because they have all turned into a sex app that’s why I call them Booty call apps and not dating apps. No one is finding the special someone on those sites. I need a change. I need something more." REDACTED(#2)said.

----Stop tape. First day and I didn’t make my daily quota.

Tuesday December 28th, 2021, 10:17 (am).

"Delete all my social media platforms." REDACTED(#3)said.

" I find this interesting. Where did your inspiration come from?"

"I can’t take it anymore social media is such bullshit. Everyone is so fake on these sites. You know what? I'm going to take it one step further, by cutting all technology out of my life do a digital cleanse. Social media, phones (cell and landlines), text, and email."

"So, in other words you are unplugging your body and mind literally."

"Yes"

"I commend you for this, but you can't do this forever. It's a New Year's resolution and most resolutions the goal should be keep doing them (forever). No email and no way to contact with anyone outside other than face to face is about impossible unless you are rich and can pay people to tolerate this behavior."

"Your right I will start small and work my way up. Sort of challenge to see how far I can go."

"OK, I like that and for this research and data purposes let's say starting out small will be your 2022 resolutions goal. What time frame are we talking?"

"One-month digital cleanse starting January 1, 2022, at 12 (am)." REDACTED (#3) said.

----Stop tape.

Tuesday December 28th, 2021, 1:13 (pm)

"Get a passport. Not to travel, just to own a passport." REDACTED(#4)said.

----Stop tape

Tuesday December 28th, 2021, 2:13 (pm)

"Try to go to work without a hangover at least two out of five days a week." REDACTED(#5)said.

"Wait what?" I asked.

---Stop tape

        Tuesday December 28th, 2021, 1:13 (pm).

"Don't accidentally walk in on my dad cleaning the shower naked (again)" REDACTED(#6) said.

"Wait what?" I asked (again)

----Stop tape. I scheduled no more interviews for the day. My mind hurt.

Wednesday December 29th, 2021, 1:13 (pm). I had to play catch up from yesterday. After some sleep I was optimistic about today.... I spoke too soon.

"Don't make any resolutions" REDACTED(#7)said.

"Well, that kind of defeats the purpose of my interview. I need you to make a resolution for research purposes."

"OK, "I want to look as Glamorous as a Toddler" REDACTED(#8)said.

Take a deep breath be a professional I told myself "Are you fucking kidding me?" This is the best I could do.

"There's no denying this girl does look glamorous." REDACTED(#8)said referring to herself (this girl). "However, trying to retain that look into adulthood is unlikely to go down well."

----Stop tape.

Wednesday December 29th, 2021, 1:19 (pm).

"Try extreme ironing." REDACTED(#9) said.

" That is not a thing.” I said.

----Stop tape. 

I didn't thank them for the visit. My research was not going well to say to least. I felt hopeless not to mention I was still (behind) than ever in my daily quota. I couldn't take anymore resolutions but had to keep pressing through.

Wednesday, December 29, 2021, 10:02 (am) My first interviewee of the day wasn't helping my outlook.

"Wash my bras more often" REDACTED(#10) said.

----Stop tape. At this moment I didn't think I would ever thank another interviewee again. 

Thursday, December 30, 2021, 10:02 (am)

"Remember people's names" REDACTED(#11)said.

----Stop tape. Not bad but not what I am looking for however, a few more like this and I may start pretending to be  thankful again.

Thursday, December 30, 2021, 10:11 (am)

"Make eye contact" REDACTED(#12) said

----Stop tape. I'm pretending to be thankful again.

Thursday, December 30, 2021, 10:44 (am)

"Be pleasant and on time" REDACTED(#13)said.

       ----Stop tape

I stop pretending (again). Sure, this is nice and all but shouldn't be a resolution or goal for the year it should be a daily goal (at-least most of the time.) I'm starting to think this research project of mine was a bad idea I'm only becoming more cynical. That was until REDACTED(#14) walked in

Even though I was hopeless and not at all in the spirit of my research I was excited about this interview because it was my last schedule for the day on the last day. I decided to try at-least to be a professional

"Today is Thursday, December 30, 2021, at 1:03 (pm) Please state your name."

"My name is REDACTED."

"REDACTED. I appreciate your participation in this interview."

"No problem." REDACTED(#14)said.

"What is your New Year's resolution for 2022?"

"To find someone to kiss besides my dog." REDACTED(#14)said.

----Tape still running.

"Are you OK?" REDACTED(#14)asked.

----Stop tape.

I just want to kiss someone other than my dog. I found my New Years' resolution so simple, yet so complex, yet so perfect. It may sound simple and to some it may be but for me it has a more complex meaning. The kiss doesn't have to be on New Year's it can happen anytime in 2022. Just one is all I need to get through the year to remind me that no matter what I had been through, there is still that spark buried somewhere inside me. I want to feel woken up.  It can can be from a stranger or someone I may know. All I want is for her to need the kiss just as much as me...

(the end)