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THE INTIMIDAT3R

Author on Reedsy Prompts since May, 2025

Stories (10)

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10 Stories

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The Kindergarten Conqueror

THE INTIMIDAT3R

Submitted to Contest #302

The week had started normally enough—well, as normal as it could be with Zeus' latest decree that all young gods attend mortal elementary school to "build character."Ares slouched in the plastic chair outside Principal Martinez's office, his tiny combat boots dangling well above the linoleum floor.The secretary kept glancing nervously in his direction, particularly at the plastic sword confiscated from the playground that now lay across her desk like evidence in a war crimes tribunal.This was his third visit this week, and he'd only started ...

1 like

Divine Delivery Debacle

THE INTIMIDAT3R

Submitted to Contest #302

Hermes sat at his celestial desk, drowning in a mountain of messages.The Olympian Postal Service was understaffed—again—and he'd been pulling double shifts all week. His caduceus, usually pristine, had coffee stains on it, and his winged sandals were desperately in need of a polish.He grabbed the next scroll in his "Ultra-Priority Divine Dispatches" pile, barely registering the addressee before stamping it with his signature lightning bolt and tossing it into the outgoing portal.The scroll, marked "To Mars, God of War, Roman Pantheon," spira...

1 like

Love, War, and Customer Service

THE INTIMIDAT3R

Submitted to Contest #302

Ares slouched in his ergonomic office chair, staring at the dual monitors that displayed an endless queue of complaint tickets.After the latest divine restructuring, Zeus had decided that all Olympian departments needed proper documentation and customer service protocols. Which is how the God of War found himself manning the "Conflict Resolution Desk" every Tuesday and Thursday.Zeus also thought upgrading the whole system from Windows to Apple would be a great idea. Everything connected... Mac, iPad, iPhones, etc.The transition meeting had b...

1 like

The Great Celestial Mix-Up, or Why Ares Now Hates Smoothies

THE INTIMIDAT3R

Submitted to Contest #302

Ares, God of War, stood in line at "Nectar & Ambrosia Smoothies," stabbing at his phone screen with enough force to crack a mortal device.The café, nestled in a strip mall on Mount Olympus Boulevard, was his latest attempt at anger management—Hera's idea, naturally. According to his therapist (also Hera's idea), smoothies were supposed to be "cooling" and "soothing."The warrior god wore tactical pants and a black t-shirt that read "I'd Rather Be Smiting." His celestial bronze sword had been reluctantly transformed into a less conspicuous...

1 like

Ares is from Mars, Aphrodite is from Venus

THE INTIMIDAT3R

Submitted to Contest #302

Ares stormed into Mount Olympus' newly renovated break room, his armor clanking against the marble countertop as he slammed down his phone. Apollo, who had been peacefully sipping nectar while composing haikus about his own reflection, looked up with mild irritation."Brother, you're interrupting my creative process. And you know how I feel about creative interruptions after that incident with the lyre-playing satyr who thought death metal covers of my hymns were 'paying homage.'""Save it, sunshine," Ares growled."I need your help. You're goo...

1 like

A Titan's Folly

THE INTIMIDAT3R

Submitted to Contest #301

Once upon a time on Mount Olympus, Hercules lived as a celebrated demigod known for his mighty strength and heroic labors. Yet despite his great feats, he struggled under a heavy burden. For years, he had to follow Zeus’s rigid orders without ever questioning the path laid before him. Deep in his heart, Hercules longed for freedom from these endless commands. He wished for a chance to choose his own destiny.This is the tale of how a bitter old Titan named Kronos, who had been locked away in Tartarus for his past misdeeds against Zeus, saw a ...

4 likes

Don't Give Me Any Static

THE INTIMIDAT3R

Submitted to Contest #301

Hermes lounged on his cloud-throne in Olympus, twirling his caduceus like a baton and sporting the mischievous grin that had made him the god of tricksters. Recently, Zeus had been particularly pompous—even by Zeus standards—boasting about his lightning bolts at every divine dinner party."My lightning never misses," he'd proclaim, zapping random clouds for emphasis while the other gods politely applauded."Time to knock the old thunderer down a peg," Hermes muttered, hatching what he considered his masterpiece of pranks.The plan was simple: r...

4 likes

Agis vs the Modern Toaster

THE INTIMIDAT3R

Submitted to Contest #301

Agis had been trained since childhood for battle. Back in the days when the agoge meant wrestling bears and dodging spears instead of spam emails, he earned his stripes through brutal fights, harsh winters, and a regimen that made your gym membership look like a meditation retreat. He'd fought foes across distant lands and even attempted to wrestle a bear once—not successfully, but the story killed at dinner parties in Sparta.None of that prepared him for his most fearsome foe: the modern toaster.Yes, a toaster. A sidekick to breakfast, an a...

8 likes

Hair Club for Olympians?

THE INTIMIDAT3R

Submitted to Contest #301

The halls of Olympus had seen their fair share of dramatic events—wars, betrayals, and the occasional divine temper tantrum—but nothing had ever been quite like this.Today, the mighty Ares—the fierce, undefeated God of War, the embodiment of destruction and chaos—was facing an enemy far worse than any warrior or titan.He was losing his hair.Zeus sat upon his massive throne, struggling not to laugh. Hera, ever poised, fought to keep her amusement in check but wasn’t doing a great job of hiding the smirk curling at the corners of her mouth.Ath...

4 likes

The Goat of All Time

THE INTIMIDAT3R

Submitted to Contest #301

Thaddeus just shook his head as he watched the herd of wild goats while mentally reviewing the recruitment scroll he’d signed five years ago.Nowhere in that document had it mentioned anything about goats. Combat? Yes. Glory? Absolutely. Facing down Persian armies? That was literally on line three. But goats? This was definitely not in the brochure AND definitely NOT what he signed up for.On Mount Olympus, Ares nearly choked on his ambrosia as he watched the scene unfold below.“Sister! SISTER! Come quickly! One of my Spartans is about to lear...

9 likes