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Squirrelly Writer

Author on Reedsy Prompts since Oct, 2019

Stories (80)
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387 Followers
143 Following

80 Stories

2378 karma pts

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Amanita Explain Myself

Submitted to Contest #320

My cap has flattened with age. The couples that pointed and blushed at what they thought my former beehive noggin on my stem made me look like now, for the most part, walk on by. How they would chuckle if they only knew my surname. Oh fine, it’s Phalloides. If I had legs I would run over and kick their sickeningly clenched hands apart. Like the one who tried to impress his date by calling me a puffball. I’d kick him in the nuts and then go and punch some puffballs themselves for good measure. Strange little smoky eggheads. The dog toys of ...

4 likes 1 comment 1
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Moving On

Submitted to Contest #317

When you moved in next door, I had to scrape myself off the floor. And you’ve been making me spontaneously burst into poetry like that for at least four months now. Of course, it’s not you. Not really. You stopped smoking. I gathered you got into the habit after leaving me for her, because it’s what she did. Those few times I saw her in person when visiting you on campus, her blowing smoke in my face to cover up her stealing of your heart. However, when I last trawled your eBay purchase history it was full of vaping devices. Looking so alie...

10 likes 4 comments 4
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Un-Wuthering Heights

Submitted to Contest #301

“It finally happened. He broke up with me.” Nicola spun around from where she’d been admiring the view from the London Eye as it began its rotation. She’d booked the trip for her and Saffy as an early Galentine’s gift. The sisters had made a pact to celebrate each other since they were 11 and 12, following the earth-shattering news that Chloe’s crush at the time was moving to another school. “Oh, Saffy,” said Nicola, pulling her sister into a hug. Nicola worked as a nurse on a Care of the Elderly Ward. The Powell family had always predicted...

12 likes 3 comments 3
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Bad Hare Day

Submitted to Contest #277

They called me ‘The Fox’. Like most of the imaginative names behind fables and fairy tales were wont to do in those days.But we foxes get a bad rep now, don’t we? Skulking round at night. Rifling through bins. Stinking up the place. It seems wildlife illustrators can never get enough of us though. I once saw a woman in the park out walking her dog, then yelling at the poor hound for rolling around in fox shit. After she’d blasted the eardrums of her pet and every other soul trying to soak up the peace and quiet, she reached into her handbag ...

15 likes 5 comments 5
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The Veiled Tavern

Submitted to Contest #275

Evan stood in the dark kitchen, watching the pub-goers file out, waiting for the landlord to dim the rest of the lights and lock up. He gave it five minutes before emerging from his aromatic (he judged burgers and chips had been on special that day) hiding place. Jeremy, the aforementioned landlord, was always paranoid that he had forgotten something, and was usually right. A side effect from sampling the produce during the day and indeed dabbling throughout the evening. Evan moved to the window and saw Jeremy driving away. He made sure Jer...

6 likes 3 comments 3
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Berth Place

Submitted to Contest #265

Milo winced as his punt crunched into its spot. He thanked his passengers – shouting it sarcastically after the teen who hadn’t followed his instructions and hopped out before Milo had had a chance to secure the boat. More quietly to the ones that disembarked with dignity. One woman in a yellow sundress (who appeared perfectly in control of her balance, even in kitten heels) rested her cool pale fingers in Milo’s palm a touch longer than was strictly necessary, purring her gratitude with an excessive amount of eye contact. There was always o...

10 likes 4 comments 4
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Rate Your Stay

Submitted to Contest #262

1st July 2024 Vanessa: Hi! I’m looking forward to staying in your gorgeous, quiet cottage. I’ve booked it as a writer friend suggested a change of scene for me while I finish the first draft of my debut novel. I’m not purposefully being boastful by the way – the site was just recommending I introduce myself and give a reason for my stay :) Best wishes, Vanessa. P.S. If I get published, you’ll definitely get a mention in the acknowledgements! StarHost: Thank you for booking your stay at Acorn Cottage. Check in is with a lockbox. The code a...

7 likes 2 comments 2
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Last Orders

Submitted to Contest #253

Char paid the taxi driver and turned towards the pub. The sign, marked ‘LINES END’ on a painting of the facing cliffs of Arrowick Cliffs, creaked in the cool breeze of the night air. She listened as the car crawled over gravel, sped up. She watched as it disappeared into the evening. The last journey. The pub door then slammed open, a mixed and messed up group in their twenties crashing out, comparing who was drunkest, where they ought to move onto next. The glow from the crackling fire of LINES END pulled Char in. She stopped pondering w...

7 likes 2 comments 2
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Art for Beginners

Submitted to Contest #247

Room 19, level three. It would have been a lot easier for Jessica to find if the architect of the campus hadn’t seemingly been channelling M. C. Escher tripping on mind-warping hallucinogens. Or if the interior designers had been more direct with their signage, instead of littering the place with vague arrows. Was that one pointing to the stairwell, or around to the left? She’d finally given up when she’d found herself in the dusty basement, where a sour-faced janitor snapped out a route for her. “At least I’ve achieved my aim of speaking t...

12 likes 2 comments 2
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Turning Tables

Submitted to Contest #239

“Thank you for your help today, Mick”, said Rachael, handing the shopkeeper a £50 note, “and keep the change.” She beamed back at the winking man, who was already stuffing the money into the pocket of his overalls. Mick’s Furniture and Fixtures only ever took cash. How much of that was about appearing as reliably old-fashioned as the goods that the family business sold, and how much was it about a lack of paper trail, Rachael had wondered but never asked. She had found the perfect bedside table for the guest bedroom she had been renovating (...

28 likes 20 comments 20
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Buy A Parrot Next Time

Submitted to Contest #232

“You’ll never see it if you keep giving Keith all your attention.” I prodded at the koala plush my brother’s tiny fingers were fumbling with. T was going through an antipodean phase. Which was strange enough for a six-year-old whose peers wore screens as extensions of their noses, but stranger yet to name it ‘Keith’. I was hoping, praying, that tonight’s celestial event would out-strange both T and his toy. “Why are we here again?” T whined, cheerily thumbing Keith in his glassy black eyes. “For Lonergan’s Comet. For the hundredth t...

12 likes 7 comments 7
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The Most Embarrassing Thing Story

Submitted to Contest #220

I was helping out Grandma in the kitchen. It had become our bimonthly ritual since parents had moved into The New House. Mum had wanted to move to a place that had a bigger garden and fewer neighbours. Dad and I had been completely comfortable at The New House once all our stuff was unpackaged. Mum, however, was adamant the place was a fixer upper. So while they spent every other Saturday in the shops comparing swatches of carpet and pouring over tins of paint called things like Iced Latte and Glazed Apricot, Grandma and I would bake. Gra...

10 likes 4 comments 4
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The Midnight Wanderer

Submitted to Contest #211

It was a cool July evening when Erinaceus europaeus finally accepted my offering. That’s their scientific name. The hedgehog. I learned it just in case he responded to it, but I still had to look it up again to remember how to spell it. I’m doing more of that since Horatio died. Not just with scientific words that you wouldn’t expect an 85-year-old retired seamstress to know anyway; but with simpler words like ‘fruitcake’, ‘newspaper’, ‘remorse’, and ‘lodger’. The difficulty with that last one struck when I was trying to place an ad for ...

5 likes 0 comments 0
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Giving Back

Submitted to Contest #210

“Whoo! Look at this, Eileen – I’m Marilyn Monroe!”Eileen peered over the top of her glasses and put down the receipt she had been puzzling over. Janice, her eccentric boss at the Rewild Life Charity shop was holding the straps of a dazzling white ball gown up to her shoulders, doing twirls in the back room that barely had space for the staff lockers, let alone such activity.It was January 8th and they’d been inundated, as usual for the time of year, with unwanted Christmas presents. Piles of DVDs still in their cellophane wrappers. Perfumes ...

9 likes 6 comments 6
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Salt and Pepper

Submitted to Contest #203

Benjamin Pendergast-Manifold had been waiting seemingly forever for an opportunity like this to drop into his lap. Or more accurately, his hands. Just typical, wasn’t it. He kept his LinkedIn profile pristine and up-to-date, only to be rewarded only with thousands of nonsense emails a week. He attended recruitment fairs where reps seemed thrown if you dared ask them about anything about their companies other than to ask for one of keyrings they were handing out. He attended parties in the hopes of networking, when he’d rather be lying on t...

21 likes 11 comments 11
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