Michael Jefferson

“Knocked Into Next Week” by Michael Jefferson

Submitted to Contest #230

Greg Van Fleet drifts in and out of consciousness. “His helmet is split in half,” a voice says. “He’s lucky his head isn’t in the same condition,” Head Coach Steele Stoneman replies. “Guess we’ll get the money for padded goalposts now.” Greg tries to stand but can’t move. He gasps for air. His heart pounds and Greg tries to remember how he wound up flat on his back… Our Lady of Perpetual Sorrow High School hasn’t scored a point in two weeks, which means Greg, the team’s kicker, and third-string end hasn’t played at all, while his best...

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“The Queen of Mean Is Here” by Michael Jefferson

Submitted to Contest #229

“Pearls, please.” Hyatt “Hy” Rhodes fastens a string of pearls around his wife’s neck. Lane Rhodes stands back from the mirror. Sucking in her stomach and fluffing her auburn hair, Lane asks, “How do I look?” “Just as beautiful as that pretty freshman cheerleader I brought home to Christmas dinner eleven years ago.” “I looked like a scared rabbit being led to the slaughter back then. Did you remember to get the dinner rolls?” “Yep. The King’s Hawaiian brand, just like mother recommended.” “You mean demanded,” Lane replies. I thought ...

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“It’s Easy, Just Get Cheesy” by Michael Jefferson

Submitted to Contest #228

Loretta Cibo opens her suitcase. “Okay, let’s go over our equipment. Pepto Bismal, Alka-Seltzer, Ex-Lax.” “Check,” Sam, her husband, replies. “I got some barf bags just in case.” “Hide those. I don’t want to look like an amateur.” Sam and Loretta believe their quaint general store in Leap Frog, Idaho is a culinary treasure that needs a unique product or two to become everyone’s favorite food store. Entering the crowded convention hall, Sam and Loretta are instantly overwhelmed by more than fifty extravagant booths displaying their exoti...

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“A Priest, A Rabbi, And A Minister Walk Into A Diner” by Michael Jefferson

Submitted to Contest #227

The ground was covered with snow by the time Virgil Vestoff got back to his office from the sales meeting. It was the kind of fender-bending, wet slop that demands the sacrifice of any moving vehicle foolish enough to challenge Mother Nature. “Where’d this stuff come from?” Virgil yells at his friend, Sheldon, who occupies the office next to his. Sheldon halts in front of Virgil’s office, his camel coat askew and his fedora barely tilted on his head. “It came out of nowhere. Everybody else in the office has already booked. I just heard we...

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“Click-Clack” by Michael Jefferson

Submitted to Contest #226

Chloride, Arizona 1880 The scorpion crawling over his face brings Dustin Racklin back to consciousness. Wheezing, and hacking up blood, Dustin realizes he’s near death. He recalls being ambushed, shot in the leg, side, and through the lungs by two sidewinders and a boy he called his kin. Dustin had robbed the one o’clock stage out of Jacinto along with Deke Drummond, Deuce Railey, and JoJo. The calculating, thirty-eight-year-old Deuce was a dandy, but also a master planner, and twenty-eight-year-old, foul-tempered Drummond lived to see...

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“I’ll Learn How to Bark” by Michael Jefferson

Submitted to Contest #225

The blind man and his collie sit passively, waiting for their flight to be called. Hans Gudeguest grins at the Swiss Air service agent as he pays for his ticket and checks his bags. In a little over eight hours, he’ll be back in his villa in Switzerland when his associates release sarin gas into the New York City subway system. He pauses at a souvenir shop, picking up an “I Love New York” cap. Checking out the fit in a mirror on the counter, he sees the blind man steal a glance at him. “You’re supposed to be blind, knucklehead,” the collie...

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“Living In A Dream” by Michael Jefferson

Submitted to Contest #224

Alec Rutchman jumps up in bed, surveying his surroundings. “Uh… I can’t sleep. Where am I?” The tail of the Felix the Cat clock swishes happily back and forth. The white floral tapestry Angelique worked on for six months hangs on the opposite side of the wall, framing the perfume bottles, lotions, and makeup on her dressing table. Home. He’s home. Angelique reaches down, stroking his hair. She worries about the dark circles under her husband’s eyes, and that their once bright blue hue has turned cloudy. Most of all, she fears Alec’s lack...

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“If You’re Quoting Me, That’ll Do” by Michael Jefferson

Submitted to Contest #223

For the past three years, California’s Tyson Tigers have been college baseball’s toothless pussy cats, with no wins in fifty-four games. When the Tigers start the current season winning ten in a row, freshman reporter Bertrum Cornell is assigned the task of demystifying the miracle. With a two-week deadline, Bertrum knows his debut article could either propel him to front-page feature writing or condemn him to writing horoscopes. As Bertrum watches the team from his seat along the first base line, the reason for the team’s success quickly b...

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“Ninety-Five Percent” by Michael Jefferson

Submitted to Contest #222

Dickie Ryder parks his HELP van on the shoulder behind the stranded Mercedes Benz. Pulling his Baltimore Oriole cap down to hide his boyish features, he steps out of the vehicle. Olive Rothchild, a wealthy real estate agent fretting over arriving late for her own dinner party, feels relieved when she sees a scruffy man in an army jacket and work boots ambling toward her. “Thank goodness you came along,” she says. “I’ve always thought that having an emergency repair vehicle along this long stretch of road was a good idea. I never thought I’...

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“The Faithful Dead” by Michael Jefferson

“Pickleball… I can’t believe we’re going to start a war over a game of pickleball,” Prime Minister Grat Dane says. “The Duke of Lorraine embarrassed his majesty,” Corvus, Alsace’s court magician replies. “You know how he gets when he feels someone’s made him look like a fool.” “He’s spoiled, just like his father. Gaylord has been in power for three years, and I never thought I’d say this, but I miss King Tarkanian. He may have liked racing turtles, had a collection of umbrellas, and wore women’s clothes, but at least he took his Adderall.”...

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“Tap Twice for Paradise” by Michael Jefferson

Submitted to Contest #220

Anson “Ace” Allison smiles as he turns over his cards. “Two queens, and a pair of tens.” Monty Moneymaker, Dimples Davidson, and Sid ‘the Shark’ Silverstein let out a trio of groans. “That’s three hands in a row,” the Shark whines in a nasal tone. “Even Wild Bill Hickok wasn’t that lucky.” “Actually, Wild Bill was very unlucky,” Ace points out. Davidson smiles, his dimples enhancing his playful nature. “I don’t know how you’re doing it Ace, but I know your cheating.” “Me? Don’t complain about my little streak. I know you count cards,...

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“Presto Chango” by Michael Jefferson

Submitted to Contest #219

“Let me take a body scan for your I.D. card and you’ll be all set,” Rock Reynolds, Captain of Security says. “Hmm. You have a tattoo on your left wrist.” “The Ace of Spades,” Brandon McCarthy answers. “It’s from my days as a Ranger. Our company was known as ‘the Smokin’ Aces.’” Reynolds takes stock of his newest guard. At 6’ 5” with a contoured frame and gym-honed muscles, Brandon resembles a fierce linebacker ready to blitz a quarterback. Just as important are his soft, trustworthy, almost boyish looks, and his capacity for compassion mix...

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“The Iron Lady and the Emotional Vampire” by Michael Jefferson

Submitted to Contest #218

The lone guitarist sits on stage in a worn wicker chair, his hair covering his eyes. “Takes a lot of guts to get up there by yourself,” Ciaran Fox says to his friend, Phineas “Finn” Riley. The guitarist sings in a whispery, melancholy tone, but it’s the opening bars of the song that capture Finn’s attention. “That’s ‘By the Colour of Your Dreams,’” Finn says. “It was on everybody’s turntables in college.” Finn recalls a time in Bristol, Rhode Island when he was a skinny, twenty-two-year-old long-haired hippie, a far cry from the close...

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“Dynamite Has A Short Fuse, And So Do I” by Michael Jefferson

Submitted to Contest #217

Parnell, Iowa 1885 “I still have half a dozen ponies to break and get to market,” Avery Cooke says. “Besides, Skeeter’s not ready for something like this.” Snuffing out his pungent cigar, Andor Cressy, the rotund owner of the Zenith Mines and the Top Dollar Ranch gives Avery a grim look. Avery corrects himself. “Mister Skeeter.” “And don’t you forget it. You people have been free for twenty years and you act like you’re my equal. I ain’t above whippin’ nobody, black or white, who sasses me. When I say teach the boy how to use dynamite...

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“Back Off Buttinsky” by Michael Jefferson

Submitted to Contest #216

It’s a typical day filled with amusement for Monique Vermont as she looks around Marvin Garden’s courtyard. Monique laughs as six-year-old Charity Chase spins her four-year-old brother around until he’s dizzy and collapses on the seat of his pants. Seated on a bench near the back of the courtyard, Ilsa, Julie Auger’s au pair from Switzerland, puts her head on the shoulder of would-be musician Vinnie Vincent. Monique, a high school principal, and Leland, her broker husband, had once been Marvin Gardens’ leading socialites. Their parties wer...

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