Martin Ross

“Nectar of the Ungodly: A Mike Dodge Tale” by Martin Ross

Palm ShadowsGilbert, Arizona6:26 p.m.October 31, 2022I’d already encountered a full set of Avengers — the virtual Pokemon of Halloween – a few Harley Quinns (PG version), a coven of witches both old-school and merched-out Hocus Pocus, a few stragglers who hadn’t yet outgrown their siblings’ Woody the Cowboy duds, and one small, un-ironic Trump.“And who might you be?” I beamed as a tot in a horned fur hat and face paint approached. Then I placed it – a hometown AZ boy, in fact, known for his superficial interest in indigenous wizardry and sup...

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“About Time: Tinkering Part 8” by Martin Ross

NOTE: This concludes the trilogy that began with Titty Show and In AbsentiaTHE DAY OF THE DEAD3/2/2014 (2)“You crazy old fuck,” Reynolds greeted, sotto voce, nodding cheerfully to Unit 63 and her bug-eyed bichon frise across the lane.Theron Cross stepped aside, as if the big man had merely dropped by with an inexpensive but thoughtful bottle of pinot noir. “You look haggard. I think there’s a Foster’s left in the fridge.”“You crazy old fuck,” his friend reiterated, carefully easing the inside door shut. “What did you do? Get back here. I don...

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“In Absentia: Tinkering Part 7” by Martin Ross

This is a companion piece to Titty Show and the forthcoming Tinkering 8  2014 Dodge selected a lounge near the far end of the lot, where young Latinos in checked polos rag-dried three lanes of Infinitis and Beemers and Teslas and Enclaves. He reasoned the Honda would be down the list, and tugged the iPhone free. His post-retirement Facebook “Friends” were a hodge-podge of former associates, ag writers and broadcasters, community acquaintances, his few moderate/left-tilting Palm Shadows neighbors, and the “ghosts” – those he’d long abandoned...

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“The Titty Show: Tinkering Part 6” by Martin Ross

Submitted to Contest #204

Note: This is a companion piece to In Absentia and the forthcoming Tinkering 8.“Indubitably, magic is one of the subtlest and most difficult of the sciences and arts.”― Aleister CrowleyThe JavelinaSaguaro Junction, AZKurt’s third Titty Show went down like mother’s milk, and he rapped the bar for a fourth. Treena, behind the stick, was all about the profit margin and not so much about the shitbags who frequented Saguaro Junction’s least Yelp-ed biker haven. She pulled the Everclear the Javelina’s patrons preferred to Stoli, snagged the house ...

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“Virtual Grit: A Mike Dodge Roundup” by Martin Ross

It would have to have been Rear Window. Sometimes the Trope Gods are with you, sometimes they’re laughing their asses off.I hadn’t originally planned on streaming me some Hitchcock. The new American Dad had dropped, and the latest Shyamalan flick was free on Peacock – the way I’d liked my Shyamalan the best since Mark Wahlberg vs. killer trees.But Peacock as it turned out was showcasing Hitch’s ’54 thriller to promote a wholly necessary six-part COVID-era remake with the guy who now played Magnum. The network’s inability to cough up an origi...

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“The Show: A Mike Dodge Mystery” by Martin Ross

Submitted to Contest #203

It started before I could respond, escalated before I could process it, and intensified quickly beyond my ability or inclination to intervene.In my defense, I’d known them for more than two decades and had always found their deep and enduring friendship somewhat beyond nauseating. I certainly didn’t expect Tammy and Robbie to skip the eight steps from Bette Midler and Barbara Hershey to Bette and Joan and wind up duking it out in the Millington Performing Arts Center parking lot.“Hell is this shit?” the old guy securing his Lexus beside me g...

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“At The Ends of the Earth: A Mike Dodge Adventure” by Martin Ross

Submitted to Contest #202

2003Peterson County“No,” I rasped. “I’m a reporter.”Probably should have figured that wouldn’t have been the panacea. The barrel came up. Just a notch.I mean, this was Southern Illinois - a quantum void from what lie north of a line roughly from East St. Louis to Olney, famous for white squirrels and sharply divided loyalties during the Civil War.And I was about five counties south, in the virtual tailbone of the Land of Lincoln. I covered federal beat, and the last time I’d been this far south was The Mike Dodge Flood of ’93 Tour, schloggin...

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“Earwig and the Angry Itch: A Mike Dodge Mystery” by Martin Ross

Submitted to Contest #201

Disclaimer: No relationship to the off-Broadway extravaganza.“I got a song, I ain’t got no melody…!” I belted, pivoting for my next lap. The sputtering roar of the neglected Cub Cadet drowned both Nature and the relatively sparse human activity in our outdated patch of suburban Millington on a Tuesday afternoon.Mowing was one of those few times I could give myself wholly unto song, and I clung to the view that Billy Preston was too cool to permit heatstroke. Thanks to Al Gore, it was 91 degrees this fine May Tuesday with rain and high winds ...

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“Gossip Grill: A Mike Dodge Nosh” by Martin Ross

WARNING: Oh my, language. “Tonight, seven hometown food trucks will serve up street-side treats and gourmet gossip to compete for a state-of-the-art mobile kitchen and $50,000 to help make their culinary dreams come true…”“I thought you hated reality shows,” Sarah commented, and I jumped, half out of surprise, half from shame.“I despise them – the bane of modern pop culture,” I responded, defensively. “But this is a food thing.”Sarah yawned and shook her head. “Of course it is. Crank it down a little – I could hear it over the sound mac...

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“Curb Service: A Mike Dodge Mystery” by Martin Ross

Sarah used to wonder why a trek to the Walgreen’s for a bottle of Claritin a quarter mile across and a quarter mile up took me 90 minutes. I’d patiently explain that the stockboy’d gotten dumped by text the night previous, the cashier was struggling with her master’s thesis on social context in Elizabethan lit, and the chip vendor had never even heard of Only Murders or Detroiters, and she’d volunteer to pick up her own allergy meds the next time and ask had she put Midnight Taco Doritos on my list. It never failed to amuse.Point is, I once ...

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“The Last Hippie: A Mike Dodge Trip” by Martin Ross

DISCLAIMER: The last hippie, the stairway prof, the Alien/donut episode, and EWF are based in reality. You reason out what isn’t. C’mon…“Do you remember?The 21st night of September?Love was changing the minds of pretendersWhile chasing the clouds away…”Tune was actually released the 21st day of November, 1978 – Earth, Wind, and Fire were ruled by market rather than (as one might suspect) natural forces. But what’s a couple of months when you’re young, and when, soon, you’d be earwigging it every time society was taking a sunny day off and th...

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“Las Mujeres ” by Martin Ross

Submitted to Contest #198

“You cannot uneducate the person who has learned to read. You cannot humiliate the person who feels pride. You cannot oppress the people who are not afraid anymore." — Cesar Chavez2014Dodge struggled to focus on his lesson plan during the Tuesday morning trek to Phoenix. “Sister” Frieda had permanently assigned him shotgun, and an obligatory period of cautious small talk was de rigueur.By the time Frieda’s Mercedes negotiated the I-60 West ramp, however, he usually was forgotten, as Frieda and Joan and Antonia dished liturgy and rightwing do...

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“Non Compos Mentor: Tinkering Part 4” by Martin Ross

Submitted to Contest #198

"What is the fundamental difference between the natural and the supernatural? What is the essential characteristic of magic?" George R. Price "Science and the Supernatural," Science, August 26, 1955 2014 “Feel better?” Reynolds growled lazily, sipping noisily at his Viente Americano. Danzer considered, settling in with his Grande Kona as he glanced absently at the cadaverous panhandler at the nearby junction of Baseline and Val Vista, where Mesa met Gilbert in a torrent of mid-morning traffic. Reynolds had suppressed a smirk as Danzer ...

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“Another Life: A Mike Dodge Tale” by Martin Ross

“The only problem with your murder theory,” Dr. Deshpande suggested, “is the absence of murder in any form.”“Not in the traditional sense, maybe,” I countered.“If by the ‘traditional sense, you mean caused to die at the hands of another, neither by accident nor the transmission of disease, then I’d be interested to know in what innovative and exotic manner you believe Mr. Rawalpindi died. There is no doubt whatsoever that Arjun was the victim of anaphylactic shock resulting from an insect sting?”“No…” I admitted. That Saanvi Deshpande had us...

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“Everything Possible: A Curtis Mead Story” by Martin Ross

“I need to confess,” the woman stated.It was on the bright side of 11 a.m.: Curtis Mead had been called out on an early morning shooting downtown just as he’d brought the needle down on his New Zealand Dark Roast pod. After seeing the body off, after questioning the half-dozen white-collar witnesses and destitute spectators who’d set out early for coffee or coffee money, after officiously but diplomatically telling the local media to find a private corner for self-fornication until the sun had at least crossed over the Courthouse dome, Curti...

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