Martin Ross

“Off Route: A Mike Dodge Mystery” by Martin Ross

Submitted to Contest #209

The second thing I noticed about the man on the bench was his copy of National Geographics Journeys of a Lifetime. It had fallen into the dirt beside the wrought-iron/soy composite seat – the one I’d probably seen him occupying a half dozen times. I assumed he’d obtained it only recently, probably a gift or an Amazon whim – the second half of the volume was flat, clean, unsullied as yet. The first half had been turned and worried and crimped, and I saw the edge of a bookmark peeking from the pages.The first thing I noted about the man was th...

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“The Proof in the Topfenstrudel” by Martin Ross

Note: the following story is a sequel to “Mexican Day.” Dedicated to Marty B.Frau Boetterwein smiled as she pulled a tray of piping topfenstudel from the huge oven that had saved five generations of Boetterweins from the wolves, the jackals, the dreckige schweine who’d for that brief but fateful time had desecrated her beloved Vienna with their mere presence.The baker’s smile blossomed as she turned toward the window that faced onto Herrengasse and the flow of commerce, pleasure, and diplomacy that had transformed her ageless city. The Ameri...

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“Like Home” by Martin Ross

Submitted to Contest #207

2006I barely recognized him. I mean, there was no mistaking Craig’s long square jaw, the shock-blue eyes behind now-superfluous designer frames. His name was on a whiteboard under a bolted flatscreen, and the others loosely arranged about the tight, spare space would testify to the fact of it all.It was Craig, in rough sketch in a nightmare journal, deep lines and gaunt hints and his essence charcoaled in by a tortured artist wholly unfamiliar with the model. He managed a smile as I approached bedside. It was a flickering glint at the b...

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“Prompt Care: A Mike Dodge Mystery” by Martin Ross

“CUT!”I recalled Sir Laurence Olivier’s presumed advice to young thespians, and instinctively clenched my sphincter as the director barked.I glanced about for red faces, overt mortification, or the possibility that our star Wesley Brett hisself might have neglected the barn door during the recent pee break. And concluded that as usual over the past 64 years, I was the problem.“Man with Pug, a word, please?” the aging director called. “No, just you. The pug was fine.”I’d seen the director in a creaky ‘80s Britcom once when I’d been too lazy o...

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“Mexican Day: A Tinkering Story” by Martin Ross

Submitted to Contest #206

CAUTION: This story deals with harsh contemporary themes including racism. 2014Palm ShadowsUnit 118Wednesday8:12 a.m.It was Mexican Day.Shirley awoke to a cacophony of blowers and mowers and trimmers and sprayers, punctuated by harsh foreign phrases and derisive cackling. Not a peep when she ventured outside, which she strove mightily to avoid doing before 11, when the HOA sent them packing.Her sole contact had been the winter prior, when the Mexicans had thrice sheared her oleanders nearly to the nubs, and despite her patient but stern expl...

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“Nectar of the Ungodly: A Mike Dodge Tale” by Martin Ross

Palm ShadowsGilbert, Arizona6:26 p.m.October 31, 2022I’d already encountered a full set of Avengers — the virtual Pokemon of Halloween – a few Harley Quinns (PG version), a coven of witches both old-school and merched-out Hocus Pocus, a few stragglers who hadn’t yet outgrown their siblings’ Woody the Cowboy duds, and one small, un-ironic Trump.“And who might you be?” I beamed as a tot in a horned fur hat and face paint approached. Then I placed it – a hometown AZ boy, in fact, known for his superficial interest in indigenous wizardry and sup...

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“About Time: Tinkering Part 8” by Martin Ross

NOTE: This concludes the trilogy that began with Titty Show and In AbsentiaTHE DAY OF THE DEAD3/2/2014 (2)“You crazy old fuck,” Reynolds greeted, sotto voce, nodding cheerfully to Unit 63 and her bug-eyed bichon frise across the lane.Theron Cross stepped aside, as if the big man had merely dropped by with an inexpensive but thoughtful bottle of pinot noir. “You look haggard. I think there’s a Foster’s left in the fridge.”“You crazy old fuck,” his friend reiterated, carefully easing the inside door shut. “What did you do? Get back here. I don...

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“In Absentia: Tinkering Part 7” by Martin Ross

This is a companion piece to Titty Show and the forthcoming Tinkering 8  2014 Dodge selected a lounge near the far end of the lot, where young Latinos in checked polos rag-dried three lanes of Infinitis and Beemers and Teslas and Enclaves. He reasoned the Honda would be down the list, and tugged the iPhone free. His post-retirement Facebook “Friends” were a hodge-podge of former associates, ag writers and broadcasters, community acquaintances, his few moderate/left-tilting Palm Shadows neighbors, and the “ghosts” – those he’d long abandoned...

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“The Titty Show: Tinkering Part 6” by Martin Ross

Submitted to Contest #204

Note: This is a companion piece to In Absentia and the forthcoming Tinkering 8.“Indubitably, magic is one of the subtlest and most difficult of the sciences and arts.”― Aleister CrowleyThe JavelinaSaguaro Junction, AZKurt’s third Titty Show went down like mother’s milk, and he rapped the bar for a fourth. Treena, behind the stick, was all about the profit margin and not so much about the shitbags who frequented Saguaro Junction’s least Yelp-ed biker haven. She pulled the Everclear the Javelina’s patrons preferred to Stoli, snagged the house ...

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“Virtual Grit: A Mike Dodge Roundup” by Martin Ross

It would have to have been Rear Window. Sometimes the Trope Gods are with you, sometimes they’re laughing their asses off.I hadn’t originally planned on streaming me some Hitchcock. The new American Dad had dropped, and the latest Shyamalan flick was free on Peacock – the way I’d liked my Shyamalan the best since Mark Wahlberg vs. killer trees.But Peacock as it turned out was showcasing Hitch’s ’54 thriller to promote a wholly necessary six-part COVID-era remake with the guy who now played Magnum. The network’s inability to cough up an origi...

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“The Show: A Mike Dodge Mystery” by Martin Ross

Submitted to Contest #203

It started before I could respond, escalated before I could process it, and intensified quickly beyond my ability or inclination to intervene.In my defense, I’d known them for more than two decades and had always found their deep and enduring friendship somewhat beyond nauseating. I certainly didn’t expect Tammy and Robbie to skip the eight steps from Bette Midler and Barbara Hershey to Bette and Joan and wind up duking it out in the Millington Performing Arts Center parking lot.“Hell is this shit?” the old guy securing his Lexus beside me g...

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“At The Ends of the Earth: A Mike Dodge Adventure” by Martin Ross

Submitted to Contest #202

2003Peterson County“No,” I rasped. “I’m a reporter.”Probably should have figured that wouldn’t have been the panacea. The barrel came up. Just a notch.I mean, this was Southern Illinois - a quantum void from what lie north of a line roughly from East St. Louis to Olney, famous for white squirrels and sharply divided loyalties during the Civil War.And I was about five counties south, in the virtual tailbone of the Land of Lincoln. I covered federal beat, and the last time I’d been this far south was The Mike Dodge Flood of ’93 Tour, schloggin...

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“Earwig and the Angry Itch: A Mike Dodge Mystery” by Martin Ross

Submitted to Contest #201

Disclaimer: No relationship to the off-Broadway extravaganza.“I got a song, I ain’t got no melody…!” I belted, pivoting for my next lap. The sputtering roar of the neglected Cub Cadet drowned both Nature and the relatively sparse human activity in our outdated patch of suburban Millington on a Tuesday afternoon.Mowing was one of those few times I could give myself wholly unto song, and I clung to the view that Billy Preston was too cool to permit heatstroke. Thanks to Al Gore, it was 91 degrees this fine May Tuesday with rain and high winds ...

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“Gossip Grill: A Mike Dodge Nosh” by Martin Ross

WARNING: Oh my, language. “Tonight, seven hometown food trucks will serve up street-side treats and gourmet gossip to compete for a state-of-the-art mobile kitchen and $50,000 to help make their culinary dreams come true…”“I thought you hated reality shows,” Sarah commented, and I jumped, half out of surprise, half from shame.“I despise them – the bane of modern pop culture,” I responded, defensively. “But this is a food thing.”Sarah yawned and shook her head. “Of course it is. Crank it down a little – I could hear it over the sound mac...

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“Curb Service: A Mike Dodge Mystery” by Martin Ross

Sarah used to wonder why a trek to the Walgreen’s for a bottle of Claritin a quarter mile across and a quarter mile up took me 90 minutes. I’d patiently explain that the stockboy’d gotten dumped by text the night previous, the cashier was struggling with her master’s thesis on social context in Elizabethan lit, and the chip vendor had never even heard of Only Murders or Detroiters, and she’d volunteer to pick up her own allergy meds the next time and ask had she put Midnight Taco Doritos on my list. It never failed to amuse.Point is, I once ...

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