I invented the clan system in Scotland, tartan and the recipe for haggis. I was also the first person to reach the summit of Ben Nevis in flip-flops.
I swam from John O'Groats to Shetland, "There was no Cineworld there though, so I just swam back."
I have written one thousand highly regarded books and a team of experts are attempting to grasp their meaning. The chief expert said, "It might take a century to decipher all of them."
I am also a brilliant storyteller — but not all of them are true.