B DZ

“The Loneliest Santa” by B DZ

Submitted to Contest #281

Santas, elves and reindeers packed out the bar at Phebe’s on 2nd Avenue. Most Santas were bastards - sexy Santas or tuxedo Santas or even lazy-man Santas, wearing sweaters with screen-printed Christmas icons: Santa golfing and Santa pooping and Santa laying naked by a fire on a polar bear skin rug, a sparkling wrapped gift covering his manhood. Gerald Fourier, 25 years old and fair-skinned, felt himself squeezed against a wooden booth as the crowd gave way for a trio of bottle-blonde Santas in short skirts.  “This is lame...

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“Abductions” by B DZ

Submitted to Contest #202

“Thirty years of abductions and still no anal probe? Y'all move slower than a church girl on prom night.” Asa grinned mischievously into the large, dark orbs of the silver-headed creature in front of him. The creature let out a mild chortle and swiped at a screen pad balanced delicately in a thin palm. “Oh, it’s been that long? Well, drop your pants….” “Be a gentleman, Larry. I’d know you love to get those freaky fingers up there, but….” “Not before lunch, alright?” Larry held his hand to the midsection of his long, delicate torso. ...

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“No One Ever Opens That Closet” by B DZ

Jonas, still mostly drunk and coming down off the previous night’s bong hits in the house library, was getting annoyed. “Moscow, get back here, ya little shit,” he growled at the chubby tabby cat, which was leading Jonas on through a minefield of half-empty beer bottles.  Jonas had a mind to punt the cat off the 3rd-floor balcony if he could catch it. The world would be better with one less stray cat – especially Moscow, who lurked around the Sigma Beta Tau house late at night and after parties, lapping up beer spills and marking te...

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“Supermoon” by B DZ

⭐️ Shortlisted for Contest #180

“So in a weird way the pandemic made me realize that, like, I should be in social media marketing instead of nursing.” “Yeah, totally,” said Charles, his hand fidgeting in spasms in his pocket.  “Once I was out of lockdown, I wanted to go right to the middle of it all - New York, you know.”  Jenn took a sip of her rosé and hummed softly, looking around at the flowers and purple wallpaper appreciatively.  “Hm, this place is so cute. How’d you pick it?” “I’ve brought some other friends here,” Charles said; his mind bla...

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“Little Faith” by B DZ

Submitted to Contest #108

“And who’s ready for Bible time?”  Miss Calloway smiled with satisfaction as the Lil’ Lions of Pacific Grove Church’s Sunday School program scampered to the foam mats on the floor.  The children were all between 6 and 9 years of age - perhaps the last joyful stage of childhood before the onset of hormones and self-consciousness and true awareness. Miss Calloway smoothed the front of her skirt and  clasped her hands together, “Today, we’ll be learning about how Jesus helped his disciple Peter walk on water. And just li...

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“Salty Burgers & Toaster Strudels” by B DZ

Submitted to Contest #104

“Ready to go, Jen?”Ray creaked Jenny’s bedroom door open as she squealed in dismay. “Wait, oh my gosh, one second!”Jenny was sitting cross-legged on her bed, in a pair of jeans and a Jamestown High School Lacrosse sweatshirt. Ray then noticed the curly-haired, fresh-faced boy in a Zoom window on her laptop. He was smiling mischievously and mouthing some wry comment, which only Jenny could hear through her ear buds. He reminded Ray of a Disney Channel star, an anodyne corporate model designed to maximize teenage girl lust.Jenny pinc...

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“Rocketship” by B DZ

Submitted to Contest #99

Jeremy steadied himself by his stand-up desk and stared, mildly bored, at the top-right corner of his 42-inch monitor, where displayed a floating-point number between 10 and 20 million.The number represented his net worth. By all traditional measures of finance, he knew this number was completely divorced from reality. A little voice, doddy and impatient, told him he had better sell, get out while the rest of the crypto-schmucks were still hodling, huddling and huffing the fumes of their respective tokens. But just. A little. Higher. If...

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“The Double Date” by B DZ

Submitted to Contest #95

A chorus of honks arose from cars careening down 7th Avenue; Jimmy held up an apologetic hand, cursing under his breath as he hustled the crosswalk. He didn’t have time for the inevitable obstacles New York City was throwing in his path. He was late, late for a very important date - Marie, the cute 25-year-old publicist whom Jimmy had been wining and dining the past several months, was waiting for him at Bistro Moncur. He usually preferred more modern establishments, with mood lighting and industrial music and fusion cuisine, but he an...

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“Training Logs” by B DZ

Submitted to Contest #91

Brent didn’t want to go on his scheduled twelve-mile run, this particular Saturday morning in April; but he was smack in the middle of his meticulous training plan for the Brooklyn Marathon, and he had so far logged 60 straight days of successful runs. He sure as hell wasn’t about to drop the ball in the middle of training.  After drinking a glass of water mixed with neon-red energy powder, he jogged down his third-floor walkup on the corner of 25th and Lexington and set-out for the Williamsburg Bridge.  Some people liked to...

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“Swampland” by B DZ

Submitted to Contest #86

Being in my 20s feels like I’ve been tossed into swampland after traveling down a waterslide for twenty years. I had thought I was headed towards a ball pit, all that time in the waterslide, but now I’m knee deep in algae and effluence, wading under a thundery sky and trying to ignore the glowing yellow eyes peeking at me from between the trees, heffalumps and woozles, and at the same time coming to terms with the fact that, either in spite or because of the waterslide’s rigid, frictionless structure, I’ve no real identity.  To be cl...

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“The A/B Test” by B DZ

Submitted to Contest #82

Sometimes Freddy liked being fat.  One time at a bar, a girl had started patting his stomach repeatedly, as if she was petting a furry animal. He had been prepared to ask her for her number, but a guy showed up in a suit and tie who turned out to be her boyfriend. Freddy had finished his basket of chicken wings in silence and gone home alone, the memory of the woman’s fingertips still fresh.  In 2020, as the COVID quarantine stretched into months, Freddy lost the last bit of motivation he had to stay in some semblance of shape;...

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