Change of Plans

Possible trigger warnings:

Suicide

Mental health

Child loss

"You can't be serious." I complained to no one but myself. My overpriced meal immediately turned to stone as I watched the local news report "unexpected, freak weather conditions". Turning in my bar stool, my flight still appeared to be leaving on time. My apprehension was subdued momentarily. However, many things could change in the hour and half left before I stepped onto a giant flying tin can. That's the best to be expected as a means of travel to my parents' small-town home. Both of them would be greatly disappointed if I didn’t get on that flight. Maybe disappointed was not the correct word, worried would probably closely cover it.

Hey Dad, just letting you guys know that my flight may get canceled. There's some kind of freak weather pattern moving this way. As of right now it is showing no delay but you know how those things go.

Hey honey, thanks for letting us know....you doing okay?

Yep. I'm alright. Eating an airport meal as we speak.

Oh good. I'm glad you're eating. Let us hear from you, Bern.

I will Dad.

Love you.

Love you too.

Clearing the message and returning to the home screen, my eyes locked onto my background. I know I should change the image and remove the memory that's left but it feels too much like being unfaithful. Those painful memories boiled over within my mind like a pot of spaghetti does. The ghosts of my past bouncing between the edge of my brain and a sizzling cooktop. I shirked those memories for now and pressed the off button, flipping my phone over to waive down the bartender. Of course I know drinking was strongly advised against but to survive the next two weeks, hell the next two hours, then I would be drowning some of these sorrows.

A man not much younger than me approached the bar and hefted his briefcase onto the counter. It was fascinating seeing someone carry an old clunky case anymore. I suppose it would circumvent your $2,000 laptop from being smashed to hell in the overhead. He nodded to me and then returned his attention to the man behind the bar. His order only contained a chicken wrap and water. Not that I'm one to judge but I couldn't help but think he could afford a bigger spread than that. He had a certain air about him that screamed, "finance guy". From the briefcase and laptop to his polished leather shoes and suit, he was all business. Without much more concern for my fellow bar patron, I paid my due and collected my things. As far as airports go, this one had a simplistic appeal. Almost as if I stepped into a time machine and was sucked back into the 1990's, this airport still sported a lot of the color brown. The wall posters advertising women with shoulder pads and excessively big hair. The smell of musk perfume almost wafting out of the outdated portraits and couldn't help but chuckle to myself while taking it all in. I slowly walked the 20 steps towards my departure gate and began trying to take a gander at my fellow flight mates.

Sitting together like two sweet doves were a man and an expecting woman. He cradled her to his side all the while rubbing up and down her arm. A flood of envy hit me as I watched her visibly melt into his strong embrace. Quickly jerking my attention to the next passenger, I saw a young teenage boy. You know the kind, dressed in oversized, baggy eccentricity from head to toe. His headphones were annoyingly loud but I chose to sit next to him rather than anywhere near the love birds.

The boy, no more than 16, flung back his boyish head at me in a sign of comradery.

Mr. Too big for his britches McGee caught my eye and intoned. “What's a sweet piece of ass like you doing going to Ravenwood?"

"Excuse me?" I guffawed. "What are you, 12?"

"That's rude, dude. I'm 14. What the fuck?" My admirer abashed.

"I'm sorry. You caught me off guard. I'm Bernadette. You can call me Bern. And I'm too old for you friend." I smiled.

"Ey, I'm CJ. But I like cougars." He laughed.

"Um no thanks. I would not like a visit from Chris Hanson."

CJ stared at me, clearly weirded out and returned to his music.

Honestly that was a relief. My interactions had been limited in the past 6 months. There not being much of a desire to begin socialization here and now, I dug in my carry on for a distraction. Thankfully I had thought to charge my kindle before leaving. Now it could be just me, my book, and I. While settling into the beginning of my newest Romantasy, I noticed my bar friend had suddenly appeared across from me. He began meticulously setting his belongings into the seats around him before taking his own seat.

Right at that moment an intercom interjected, "If I can please have your attention. All flights at this time are canceled until further notice, due to adverse weather circumstances."

Holding back my laughter, I heard CJ yelling at the clerk. "Man, what the fuck is you doing!"

Hearing my chuckle, he jerked his head towards me, "Do you think this is funny, grandma?!"

"Of course not. But what good is it to freak out when literally there's nothing we can do to change it?" I smirked.

"Man, my Nana is back home dying. I got to get back there." CJ's voice trembled.

Man, I was such a jerk. "Listen, kid, I didn't mean to be an ass. I'm not very good at this. I'm just sorry."

Without much more than a shake of his head he got up and walked away.

Angling myself to see where CJ went, I noticed the two "sweethearts" had bundled up and hunkered down. I suppose time spent together like this wouldn't always be an option. It was probably good for them. A sharp pang in my chest reminded me I should text my parents the update.

Hey Dad. Thought I'd let you know the flights inevitably have been canceled.

Oh Bern. How about we drive the couple hours to come get you and bring you home?

Nah Dad. It's dangerous, plus maybe by the time you would get here my flight would be resumed.

Okay honey. Be careful, love you.

I love you too, Dad.

As I was texting my Dad, movement caught the corner of my eye. The man that sat directly in front of me began to change. He no longer had an appearance of calm and confidence. The man now looked haggard and pale. His foot had begun to bounce violently and he was wringing his hands in his lap tight enough to peel skin.

Right before I could muster the courage to ask if he's alright, the power shut down within the airport.

A loud pubescent screech brought my attention to a skinny boy power walking back to his seat. CJ gave me a glare as if to say, "not a word". Careening my head back towards the gentleman across from me, I found the seat now empty. His long legs were eating up the distance to the bathroom in quick strides.

Looking down at my phone, I decided my time was best spent reading. Picking up my Kindle, I tried to find my place on the page. After the first chapter, worry began to gnaw at my heels. Our flight mate still had not returned from the restroom. Call it intuition but I had a bad feeling about what was happening in that man's mind.

Leaning into CJ, I asked, "How bad do you want to make $50, kid?"

"Name it, I'll do it." CJ leapt at the opportunity.

"Go into the bathroom and tell me if that guy from right over here is doing okay."

He nodded and began his march towards the restroom.

A few moments later CJ came skittering towards me with a serious expression.

"Uh Bern. You gotta come help him. I went in and asked if he was alright and he got super quiet. So I pretended like I opened the door and left but obviously I stayed. He started crying and repeating something about always being a screw up. I think he was hitting himself." CJ seemed unnerved by this part especially.

"Okay, you're coming with me." I demanded while CJ stood there incredulously with his hand out.

"Ugh fine, here." I shoved his $50 into his hand.

CJ dutifully followed me into the men's restroom. I cleared my throat and tried to find the right words.

"Hey listen. My name is Bern. My friend CJ is in here with us too." I began.

CJ squeaked a simple, "Hey".

The man sat deathly quiet for a lengthy lapse of time. Finally, a hoarse voice broke the silence.

"Um, hi. I'm Manny?"

"Hi Manny. Are you doing alright? Is there anything I can get you?" I asked.

Again we were met with silence.

"Listen. I know this storm is really intimidating and things aren't probably working out for you right now..." I began to trail off as I saw Manny's leg bouncing under the stall.

"You know, I'm not really excited about it either. I have a luxurious 2 week vacation planned at my parents' quaint little farm in the middle of BFE". I made my attempt at light hearted talk.

Manny simply scoffed.

"Um I'm sorry? Are my problems not going to be enough to sympathize with? We each have issues. Even CJ here is going through it. You could come out and speak to us instead? Let us help you?" I began but Manny had had enough.

He barrelled out of the stall towards us like a raging lunatic.

"You. Don't. Get. It. I will lose EVERYTHING! EVERYTHING if this plane doesn't leave soon. I have a business deal in 3 hours that if I don't show up, I will have failed my employer. This is everything I've worked towards." He shouted at us and at no one at all.

Manny was now completely morphed from the man I first saw at the bar. His hair was no longer slicked back, his tie was loose, and his pallor was sickly pale with sweat.

My anger rising, I decided there was no time like the present to let the floodgates open.

"YOU think you've lost it all?! YOU think your business deal will make life better?! You're a delusional idiot. Do you know where I've been the past three weeks, Manny? Do you? No, you don't. I spent the first week in the ICU for an overdose attempt after losing my husband AND unborn child. Then two more weeks landed me a special spot on the psych ward. Where, in order to be released, I had to have a plan in place with my parents, to go home to them until I can be well!" I screeched.

Discovering I had over shared in my emotional break, I turned my eyes away from Manny, only to find CJ staring at me like I had 3 heads. I sneered at him and found a wall fixture to stare at instead.

Manny sighed and deflated. "Listen, Bern is it? I am sorry. I really am. I struggle with anxiety. My life hasn't been easy as of late either but I suppose I can't hold a flame to your candle."

"No Manny, I should apologize. I thought I'd be of some help and followed you in here. I think I made things worse." I began to turn away.

Manny chuckled and said, "I guess you did help though. I'm no longer having a panic attack."

CJ chose that time to pipe in, "Thank God that's all you were doing because brother, it sounded like you were having the shit of your

life when I first came in here."

In that moment all of our resolve cracked and we began laughing until we cried.