4 comments

Drama Fiction Sad

Susie ignored the knock at her door at whatever ungodly time of morning it came.

All she wanted to do was sleep, to drown out the sounds of the other kids crying and yelling down the hall.

Of course, the knock was just courtesy; there was no privacy at the orphanage.

She heard the door creak open. 

Light, eager footsteps danced over to the far corner of the room.

“Good Morning, Susanna!”

The hostile, white light marched in from the open window and instantly irritated her.

“My name is Susie!” she growled, turning over to the other side of the bed.

The woman was already rummaging through her closet, clearly on an important mission.

“It’s time to get up, honey. You’ve got visitors today!”

The word pushed Susie up in her bed. She stared tiredly at the tall woman with golden skin and red hair.

The woman smiled back, her eyes crinkling at the corners. It reminded her of her mother and she felt a little sad.

Susie knew the visitors would be strangers, because she didn’t have any family of her own. Every so often, usually on a weekend, families would come visit and get to know the children. 

Susie had gotten a few visits, but none resulted the way she hoped.

“I need you to be on your best behavior today, can you do that?”

Susie rolled her eyes.

“I’m always well behaved.”

“Do you remember my name?” the woman asked gently.

Susie racked her brain. She was pretty sure it started with a G. The woman pointed to her name tag.

“Yee-Vone?” she asked.

“It’s pronounced Ee-Von.”

Susie nodded.

“I like it.”

Yvonne chuckled, laying out Susie’s “nice clothes,” a floral dress and some white sandals.

“Do you need help dressing?” 

Susie shook her head.

“I’m eight years old, I can do it myself!” she insisted.

Besides, if she was going to get adopted, she needed to show she had some basic skills.

Yvonne nodded, masking her doubt.

“I’ll leave you to it then,” she said, nearing the door.

“Do you think I’m going to get adopted today?”

The woman hesitated, chewing on the corner of her lip.

“I don’t know for sure, but I always hope for the best for you, Susie.”


At a quarter to twelve, there was another knock at Susie’s door. 

She had been sitting on the edge of her bed swinging her feet off the side, trying not to crease her favorite and only dress she owned.

Yvonne entered, a big smile plastered to her face.

“Your visitors are here!”

A woman and man entered the room, followed by a small girl. She looked around Susie’s age. The girl hid behind her mom’s skirt.

That girl could become her new sister! Susie hoped she could win her over.

The woman was tiny, with short black hair and a mouth that seemed almost too big for her face. Maybe it was hope, but to Susie, she almost seemed familiar. Nurturing. Warm.

“Hello, honey,” she crooned, her eyes golden and round like apricots.

“Hello,” Susie answered.

Before she realized what she was doing, she had her arms outstretched for a hug.

The mother met it almost instantly.

She smelled like chocolate chip cookies and home.

“How are you, darling?”

“I’m doing great! It’s so lovely to meet you all.”

“We brought you some goodies. Clara?”

The small girl, with long, curly black hair and similar facial features to her mother, crept out from behind her. Susie could see she was holding a small plastic bag, wrapped loosely around something round.

“Go on, Clara.” 

Clara cautiously held the bag out.

Susie thanked her, and eagerly reached in. 

In her palm sat a perfect, ripe nectarine.

“These are my favorites!” she exclaimed, sinking her teeth into the fragrant fruit.

The family watched in shock and amusement as Susie ate the entire nectarine.

The mother grabbed a napkin from her pocket and dabbed Susie’s face gently.

Susie looked up at her.

“What are your names?” she asked.

The mother smiled.

“I’m Darla, and this is my husband, Bert.”

Bert cleared his throat.

“A pleasure to meet you, madame,” he said in a silly voice, grabbing Susie’s hand and bowing.

Susie laughed.

“Are you gonna be my new parents?”

Darla exchanged a glance with Bert, who was playing with his mustache absently.

“Let’s not talk about that right now. We want to spend some time with you, honey. How about we take a walk out in the garden?”

She glanced over at Yvonne, who was stationed at the door. She nodded.

“You must stay on the premises today,” she warned.

“Of course. What do you think, Susanna?”

“I like to be called Susie,” she stated.

Darla nodded gently.

“Would you like to go outside with us, Susie?”

Susie nodded.

Darla held her hand, and Susie glanced over to Clara, who was staring at her with a blank expression she couldn’t quite read.

“How old are you? I’m six.”

Clara looked up at her mom, then back at Susie.

“I’m eight. Almost nine,” she whispered.

“Wow! Wanna play tag together outside?”

“I have a better idea,” Darla said.

She reached into her bag and pulled out a bouncy ball.

“Yay!” Susie clapped her hands together and giggled.

“Ball, ball! I want the ball!”

“Let’s get outside first,” Bert cautioned.

Susie hoped she was making a good first impression. She was just a fun, happy kid who wanted to play. Isn’t that what all parents dream of?

Once outside, Darla handed Clara the ball.

“Go on honey, why don’t you throw it to Susie?”

Clara simply stared at the ball in her hands.

“Mom-” she began.

“Clara, we came all this way. Let’s make Susie happy.”

Clara huffed and threw the ball gingerly. 

Susie attempted to catch it, but it bounced out of her hands.

She squealed with delight, and Bert chased down the ball for her.

“I almost got it!”

“Let’s try that again,” Darla laughed.

Clara threw the ball a little harder, this time Susie caught it. 

“Good job!” Clara said softly.

Everyone cheered.

Susie threw the ball back, and it landed in a potted plant, nearly knocking it over.

“Please be careful!” Yvonne called, nervously watching them from the side of the building. 

Clara threw the ball again, and this time, it flew into a little fountain.

“I think that’s enough ball for now,” Bert said firmly.

“I want the ball!” Susie cried.

Clara backed up, running behind her mother again.

Darla reached an arm out.

“Honey let’s-”

“Ball! Ball!” Susie screamed, kicking dirt everywhere.

It got all over the three family members.

They stood there, in shock, as Yvonne and a few others rushed over to Susie. 

She tried to fight them, but slowly ran out of energy. Her face was soaked in tears and her dress was stained with grass and dirt.

The staff escorted Susie back into the building.

“We’re going to give her a shower and some time to calm down,” Yvonne told the family.

The family was brought back inside, and they waited outside of Susie’s door silently.

“Can I speak to you in private?” Yvonne asked the family.

She ushered them to the side, away from the door.

“As you can see, Ms. Susanna’s state has drastically progressed in the past few months.”

Darla nodded, holding Bert’s arm for support.

“She told us she was six years old,” she croaked.

“Unfortunately, the outbreak you witnessed was the fifth one this week. We are unable to care for her current needs.”

“Is there no chance of her…improving?” Bert asked solemnly.

Yvonne shook her head.

“This disease does not improve over time.”

Clara began to sob, and Darla held her in her arms.

“I miss grandma!” she cried.

“What do we need to do?” Darla choked.

“You will need to take your mother home and prepare her for specialized care to make her…more comfortable.”

“I understand,” Darla mumbled, trying not to sob in front of her daughter.

She knew what that meant, but she didn’t expect it to happen so fast.

The family went to the front desk to arrange the upcoming plans, then went home. 

Susie calmed down within the hour, and was given apple juice and a cookie while Yvonne set up her favorite movie, Cinderella. She picked up a hairbrush.

“Let me brush this beautiful hair for you.”

Susie looked at her curiously, then peered down at the nametag on her shirt.

“Yee-vone?” Susie asked, “Did I ruin it?”

“Ruin what, doll?”

“My chances with that family?”

Yvonne gave her a small smile.

“Not at all. Susie, you’re getting adopted tomorrow.”


December 29, 2023 22:06

You must sign up or log in to submit a comment.

4 comments

Debra Snyder
01:55 Jan 05, 2024

Hello Danielle, what a lovely and poignant story. You did a stellar job of writing from Susie's perspective! I certainly never guessed your twist. Some really nice imagery, too: "The hostile, white light marched in from the open window" and "her eyes golden and round like apricots" are a couple of my favorites. My only comment is with the POV shift right around the time of your reveal. I was a bit shocked to go from the child/woman's POV to her daughter's (though the shift was necessary for your reveal). You might consider putting a break ...

Reply

Danielle Azoulay
02:00 Jan 05, 2024

Thank you for your feedback, and thanks for reading!

Reply

Show 0 replies
Show 1 reply
Sam B
13:06 Jan 04, 2024

Hi Danielle. We were paired up by Reedsy for feedback and I hadn't read your story yet, so I was pleased I had the opportunity. I really enjoyed it, even though it was heart-wrenching. You did a good job of portraying the older woman as a younger child- the use of your title 'real estate' was very clever and played well to your advantage. I thought the way you portrayed the grand-daughter really helped add a wonderful, if not very sad, dimension. And I loved the ending. Thank you :)

Reply

Danielle Azoulay
01:59 Jan 05, 2024

Thank you so much for reading!

Reply

Show 0 replies
Show 1 reply
RBE | We made a writing app for you (photo) | 2023-02

We made a writing app for you

Yes, you! Write. Format. Export for ebook and print. 100% free, always.