The best description of myself.

I feel like I have an innate ability to know I passed away from an insatiable thirst in a past life. While wondering through the proverbial desert that the King James version of the bible refers to as a place where Jesus conciliated during his wondering years.

I have always had a thirst for life, a thirst for knowledge, always an overwhelming thirst for a higher level of knowledge and for pursuing an unknown and unreliquised desire to follow a calling, an occupation for which I’m qualified for.

I’ve always had a hunger to do more, to be more, to finally become that person that I was predestined to be. I am always trying to be on the lookout and to work towards a predestined goal and forevermore for trying to pursue a higher calling. I want to be situated and well prepared for every circumstance that I’m advancing toward in my life.

I spent so many years of my life not knowing what the outcome of my life was going to be. I had blind faith and blind ambition. I created a Facebook page in 2009. As recent as November 2021 I started writing again. I attended college several years ago and while I was there, I worked for the school newspaper as a reporter. I was able to get published a few times.

I didn’t receive any awards as I was considered a non-traditional student. While pursuing my education I was a full-time single parent so the odds were stacked against me from the beginning. I went on to graduate and have never regretted the sacrifice I made in chasing the dream of furthering my education.

 All the while knowing I am mere mortal. I can only attest to being only human and it is implausible for me to know if I even had a previous life. If I might have glided through my life unscathed and avoided the pitfall of the inescapable experiences that have befallen upon me, I would have remained inexperienced. I wouldn't have been able to withstand everything else that happened to me. In my previous life I was more notably known and was sought after for my abilities to discern the overall qualities of my peers.

It is true that my life was seriously altered in one form or another. Whether it was the consequence of my own decisions in blindly proceeding with my young life unprepared or of that of the life that was predestined for me, I am uncertain. While many spent their youth in a temporary performance to placate the life that was acceptable and distinct to their own personality, I was involuntary chosen to be the successor of scarcity.

 Always trying to quench the longing to drink in all that life has to offer. Uninformed in all that was key and my unforeboded ability of knowing the true purpose of my ignorance was for the most part the beginning of my undoing. I have been challenged to become a writer. I have moved through my life to the sound of many dissimilar drum beats and disappointments.

 First the object of the ancestorial dances in celebration of being the final descendant that offered the same handling of that of my forefathers. Secondly, plighted against and between an uncoothed cluster of an old antisocial order that triggered a major impediment in my upbringing, my values, and integrities to name a few of the implausibility’s the brought about my uncertain future and almost unwarranted departure.

Which I had once faced before but on different terms. I strained to undergo all the variations for which the life that was set before me and tried to remain as durable to each new task as I could.

 No single being should have to endure all that was previously practiced and historically documented and was commonly known figurately and an explainable practice to some degree that had been completed before. Possessing an inability to envision the future as my forefathers attempted to do. I proceeded in a repetitiously fashion to conduct a shambolic lifestyle and during the impending doom I grew thirstier.

Blindly conceiving and aspirating to every thirst I could comprehend I succeeded in becoming my own adversary. An unintended precedence which would soon follow me and bring me back to my knees. A place that’s was unavoidable due in the accordance from which the solid rock of my existence stands.

 An ingrained belief from the get go, kicked in a drove me to the finish line. I was extremely determined to accomplish my long-awaited goals but the disadvantages that I ached from were starting to be confirmed and rearing their ugly heads.

I began to rethink my existence and opportunity came knocking once more. A new unearthing of what I was capable of. Life would soon begin anew disinterring my proficient skills that I had acquired while merely existing. All the while enduring all my previous decisions that have left me shaken to this day.

After rethinking the novel idea of someone taking care of me, I soon realized I had stood the test of time and unequivocally underwent the greatest trial of my life. I have managed to reemerge as a stronger person but there are some aspects of my life that rendezvous in my mind.

There are obviously components of my life’s journey for which I have practiced that every one must undergo to a certain degree and derive to their own individualized understanding.

What baffles me is not the fact that I have tried so hard to accomplish so much from having come from such slight beginnings. It’s the fact that I’ve managed to sustain life for other human beings. I cannot conceive the notion that every one’s experience is the same.

 I have dissimilar goals for my life now. I am not wealthy in terms of my finances but I’ve been richly blessed in terms of having people in my life who richly extol their time and liveliness’s towards my happiness. Perhaps one day my thirst will be quenched. Perhaps that thirst has been what has sustained me all these years even though it appears to be an oxymoron when approached in those terms. I guess my own understanding of my story is over dramatized in my own mind because I have first-hand knowledge.

Never the less I set a goal to write until 2:00 p.m. and it is now 1:58. I started writing not long after I awoke this morning so my day of getting started has somewhat been filled with my thoughts and now its time for some action.

I hope your day has been a good one.

Take care…

Marcie Peacock