Whisker Deep

I looked at the baby blue numbers on the after-market radio clock on the dash; it was 3:06AM. The windows of my truck were down and all that could be heard in the humid June air was the rumbling of the rubber from my tires on the pavement. I had a can of Monster in one cup holder and a Wawa Italian sandwich next to it. The vinegar and guacamole from the sandwich were staining the parchment paper it was wrapped in as Xena, my border collie, salivated at the sight. Laying on the bench seats behind me was my guitar and a navy and white checkered blanket. I wasn’t usually a night owl, especially this late in the night, but the past few weeks I have continuously pushed my bedtime further and further away from 10PM. As my tires kept spinning, all I could think about was if it was my time to leave Whisker Deep, the town I grew up in.

Whisker Deep has been too good to me. Sure, there’s homophobes, crazy assholes, and wild guys that go around causing trouble, but aside from the weird biker gang that meets every Friday night at the 24-hour Wawa, I’ve stayed safe and enjoyed my time here. I lived in this town my entire life, graduated from high school here, and I worked at Lenard’s Auto Repair Shop with his son and my best friend, Bryson Lee. I’ve had friends that came and went, a lot of them I lost when I became more open about my sexuality, but Bryson always stuck with me; he even changed who he voted for because of me. Then there was Sam. Sam was my next-door neighbor that moved in my sophomore year of high school. At first, we were shy with one another, but Sam loved to bake so she would bring me and my dad cookies every once in a while, and little by little, she and I became friends. By the end of senior year though, my feelings for her became more than just about friendship.

I put on my left blinker, even though there was no one out on the road, and pulled into a dark trail. It’s a trail just about everyone knows that leads to Whisker’s Lake, the town’s famous lake known for having a giant, record breaking catfish named Whisker. Of course, no one’s actually ever caught Whisker, so some people say she’s just a myth. What people don’t know is everything that happens further north of Whisker’s Lake. My tires splashed through puddles and mud while a part of me was somewhat nervous about driving in the woods at night. I really should have installed my KC lights for this, but I should know my way around seeing as how I took this path multiple times. My headlights dimly lit up the lake and just passed the lake, there was a trail that divided into two. The left trail is what led to all the hangout spots. It’s where everyone would get lost, spin their trucks in the sand, have bonfires, and drink an ungodly amount of beer even though that shit was disgusting. I was taking the trail to the right.

The trail to the right led up to a waterfall, but it was a long drive and you had to know which clearing to maneuver through, otherwise you wouldn’t get anywhere. Dad had found the waterfall when he went hunting with a few of his buddies and he showed it to me and it became our spot after Mom died. Mom passed away the same year me and Sam were getting close and she was there for me through all of it. It was only natural for me to take her to this spot as well and there was a handful of times me, my dad, Sam, her dad and her mom, all came here. When it was just me and Sam though, we would park my truck, sit on the tailgate, have a picnic, sometimes even smoke some weed, and we would just talk. We talked sometimes until sunset and then we would head back. That all changed after high school though. Sam got busy at the firehouse, learning how to be a firewoman, and I got busy with mechanic school. The entire time however, my feelings for Sam only grew stronger and stronger. I tried dating apps, had a couple of flings here and there, but none of the girls captivated me the way Sam did. None of them ever came to this spot.

The deeper I got into the woods, the louder the sound of crickets rang in my ears. Lighting bugs were trying to illuminate the way, even though they weren’t that helpful. I passed by three paths and then once I saw the trail curving to the left, I squeezed my truck between two trees on the right and then slowly maneuvered through a clearing. This was the challenging part of the commute to the waterfall. Leaves and twigs crunched below me and at one point, there was a fallen trunk I had to drive over. The worst part about all this was that it was almost pitch black and I began to question if I had made the right choice coming out this late. Well, I might as well get there and wait for morning because there’s no way in hell I’m maneuvering through this again. Xena was unphased by the bumpy terrain. If anything, I thought I caught the tip of her tail wagging. At least I wasn’t alone.

When I got to the waterfall, I cracked open my can of Lo-Carb Monster, the blue one that tasted better, and took a long sip. Xena looked at me and sniffed the fizz particles in the air before huffing. “You can’t have this,” I told her. I then reach for my blanket and guitar and got out of my truck. I held the door open for Xena and she walked about six feet to the right of me to pee. I started to set myself up on my truck bed that was facing the waterfall. I then grabbed my sandwich and drink and began eating and soon after, Xena joined me. She looked at me with her kind brown eyes. “Good girl, Xe. I don’t know what I would do without you.”

She huffed again and shook her entire body before her kind look turned into her begging for a bite of my sandwich. “Give me paw,” I asked her. She obliged and I gave her a slice of salami. This is why I ordered extra meat.

When I finished eating my sandwich, I made sure to clean off my hands well and then sat there, looking at the waterfall. I sighed and thought about how Sam and I might never come back here, especially if I decide to leave. Dad had met another woman who worked as a real estate agent and the two of them fell in love. After dating for about a year, Dad decided it was time for him to move on and told me he was going to move in with her and start a new life out of state, new job and everything, but he was willing to leave me our house or if I wanted to, move in with them. I didn’t want to intrude, but at the same time, I also couldn’t fathom the idea of leaving Whisker Deep and leaving Sam. Dad had mentioned to me multiple times though that maybe I needed a change too. I told him I would think about it and I still am.

A few weeks ago though, I met a girl from Elkwood, our neighboring town, who was just passing through but her car broke down. Long story short, she decided it was time to retire her old 1998 Civic and buy something better. “I’ve been saving up for this moment. I knew this was coming I just didn’t want to deal with dealerships,” she had told me after I finished explain to her the damage her car was in.

“I hear ya!” She captivated me, and you can tell she wasn’t from Whisker Deep. Her arms were covered in tattoos that didn’t involve American flags, eagles, football teams, or a bad ex-girlfriend. She did have a traditional tattoo of a pin up though, and I commented on it. “So, what’s her name?”

“Oh, her? Hmm… I guess we can call her Penny. I’m Miranda.”

From there, we started talking and for a moment, I forgot about Sam. Until Sam got suspicious and almost a week later, I found out she was dating a guy from the firehouse. It stung me to know she was involved with somebody else and I didn’t like them together. Sam was happy for me though that I was finally out and about, but then I told her how my dad was moving out and I had the choice if I wanted to stay or leave. Miranda then also revealed to me that she was actually passing through because she was in the middle of moving into her new apartment building that was going to be where her tattoo shop was. She had invited me over and said I could help her unpack if I wanted to and stay for a week or two. I knew though that if I stayed with her, it would be for good, or at least it had to be. I had to let her know soon. Sam knows how I really feel about her though, I couldn’t keep it a secret. She had to know the truth, especially if I was leaving.

Which brings me to why I came out here. I needed to accept the fact that Sam and I will never be a thing. According to her, she was straight. Things she did in the past though, made me think otherwise, but it didn’t matter. I gave another sigh and then grabbed my guitar and started strumming.

What should I do?

I ain’t got a clue

One girl makes me red

And the other, blue

I shook my head at myself. “God, that’s terrible!” I continued strumming until other lyrics came to me.

I could stay here

Or I can leave

Either way…

I tried thinking of a word that rhymed with leave. Steve, weave, teethed, grieved…

Either way,

Let me grieve

“Ugh, this is stupid!” I couldn’t strum up anything good, so instead, I leaned back and looked up at the stars. It was Miranda who encouraged me to start playing my guitar again.

If I leave, I was going to be far from the woods and right by the beach which meant I would go mudding less. Sam and I used to love to go mudding together. We even built up that old 98 RAV4 together that has just been sitting on the side of her driveway under a tent since she got her Tacoma. Miranda has been wanting to go off-roading, but I was hesitant to take her for so many reasons. She didn’t seem like the kind to go off-roading and actually enjoy it the way any of us did. By us I mean, Sam, Bryson, and a couple of Bryson’s buddies, the ones that weren’t jerks. Fuck… I would be leaving all of them behind too.

“Fuck…” Tears poured down my cheeks as I wished and wished things would be different. I then started strumming again and singing loudly.

Wishing, wishing on these stars

Don’t even care where you are

I just wish that you were here

Right next to me with a beer

Under the moonlight

Tucked in with you all night

With me

I know you think he’s perfect

Hell, a girl like you deserves nothing less

But let me tell you,

I’m a mess

And I gotta get this off my chest

Wishing, wishing on these stars

Don’t even care where you are

I just wish that you were here

Right next to me with a beer

Under the moonlight

Tucked in with you all night

With me

I quickly put my guitar down, reached for my phone, and then wrote down everything I just sung. “Shit…that was good,” I applauded myself.

Suddenly, my phone started buzzing, and Sam’s picture popped up. “Hello?” I quickly answered. I heard muffled moaning coming from the other line and my heart sunk.

           “Oh shit! I called Kate hold on—”

           I then heard four beeps and just like that, my call was disconnected. Xena looked at me, concerned.

Did I just hear Sam and Matt going at it? I did.

I held the phone up to my ear for a moment, even though the other side was just silence, and then finally let it go. The phone landed on the truck bed with a thud and it was in that instance that I decided it was time.

It was time for me to go too.

Wishing, wishing on these stars

Don’t even care where you are

I don’t want you next to me

It’s all your fault you didn’t see

I can’t say I didn’t try

You’ll never love me

Especially when you’re with that guy

           I fell asleep to the waterfall and decided that tomorrow, I would start packing and let everyone know that Whisker Deep would no longer be my home.