Lotus Laments

The Molestation

Lotus Laments

Always believing him out of her reach

There was a subtle trembling in her speech

Whenever she had something to report

As she daydreamed of being his consort

But dreams become nightmares for foolish girls

He stole a treasure more precious than pearls

Never could she believe he was that man

A cur in an alley grabs what he can

She believed him to be a righteous gent

Quickly from her heart was that belief rent

He was a doctor, she minded his kids

She is left with the guilt from what he did

Her innocence died upon that cold night

There is nothing on Earth can make it right

Lotus Lakshmi Martha Clifford

13 March 1963

A Sister’s Sense

On a cold March night in Glasgow, Diane Clifford entered her sister’s room to turn out the lamp by the girl’s bed. At twenty-five years old, Diane assumed the role of a second mother to her younger siblings. Both she and Lotus had been adopted from India early in their lives, which formed a special bond between them.

Lotus was a studious girl with a big imagination who often stayed up writing until she fell asleep with the light on. However, the girl’s disheveled appearance gave Diane pause. As Diane drew closer, she could smell alcohol on her sister’s breath.

“She’s bloody twelve years old and she don’t drink,” Diane mused. “Something ain’t right here.”

Diane crossed herself and said a quick prayer.

“Saint Anthony, patron saint of things lost, mayhap this ain’t entirely yer department, but I’d surely appreciate it if ye’d help me find a clue sae I can help me sister.”

Lotus’ diary had fallen on the floor. Diane picked it up. In the lamp’s dim light, she read the sonnet that Lotus had written. Diane’s eyes went wide as she hurried from her sister’s bedroom.

“Oh, blimey!” Diane gasped as she hurried down the narrow hallway to the kitchen where her mother sat writing her nightly list of things to be done the next day. “Ma, we’ve a spot of trouble—a big one!”

A Call to Action

“What is it then, Di?” a concerned Mildred Clifford inquired as her daughter sat down beside her. Diane was a sensible young woman, not given to hysterics, so Mildred knew by her manner that something was amiss.

“I found Lotus’ diary lying by her bed,” Diane reported. “Leuk whit she's written. An’ thon's no aw. She was drunk, Maw. I smelt it on her.”

“Holy Mary, mother ay God!” Mildred expounded, crossing herself as she read her youngest daughter’s words. “The filthy mongrel! I'll dig his grave with ma own twa hands!”

Hearing the commotion, eleven-year-old Gerry and nine-year-old Paul came to see what was wrong. Diane noted that they looked quite alert and surmised that they’d probably been up reading and plotting.

“Whit's happenin’ then, Di? Is somethin’ wrong wi’ Lotus?” Gerry inquired.

“Gerry, ma love, there's nothin’ for ye tae dae aboot it,” Mildred insisted, brushing her son’s shaggy bangs away from his wide blue-green eyes. “Ye gae on back tae bed. Diane an’ I will take care o’ things.”

“Did Dr. Horn hurt her?” Paul inquired.

“Why would ye think sae, Paulie?” Diane asked as a chill zipped up her spine like a lightning strike.

“Chrysanthos said somethin’ queer tae us the other day,” Gerry explained, referring to the doctor’s twelve-year-old son. “He said he liked Lotus a lot an’ wanted tae speir her tae the spring dance, but his father says Lotus is a wild thin’ wha wad eat up a wee pup like him.”

“We says it’s awful strange thon his father wad say this, Lotus bein’ so quiet and gentle and all,” Paul continued. “Chrysanthos said his father says dark girls grow up faster than white girls, an’ Lotus needs a real man tae satisfy her hunger, not some unexperienced wee laddie.”

“We're sorry we didnae say anything sooner, Maw,” Gerry apologized. “We jist thought Dr. Horn is maybe a bit weird, but harmless-like. Also, Lotus loves takin’ care o’ Yngvi an’ Fflur an’ Moa.”

“Gerry, this is no on ye or Paul. Ye're just boys. How could ye possibly know?” Mildred said gently.

“The cheek o’ the bastard!” Diane expounded. “His kind forces themselves on brown girls, tellin’ themselves we're wild animals, nae quite human. I'll show him a wild animal! The coward! He fiddles up a little girl because a grown woman wad tell him tae shove his filthy suggestions straicht up his arse!”

“Och, I should have known myself,” Mildred lamented. “Poor Upsana wasnae e'en in her grave a year when he brought young Christina here from Sweden. Aw o’ eighteen years she was, but she didnae leuk more than half thon. She was but a wee slip of a thing.”

“Haed her pushin babies oot richt away tae,” Diane mused. “One, twa, three, an’ the poor thin’ dies not e'en six months after Moa was born.”

“She was ower small tae be pushin’ oot babies,” Mildred agreed. “Three Cesarean sections one after another did her. Ye used tae watch the kids, Di. He niver tried anythin’ oan with ye, did he?”

“Course no, I'd niver have let Lotus gae there if he had. I think I was too old for him, bein’ sixteen. Anyway, I brought the kids ower here sae they could play wi’ our brood, an’ ye or Nan or Mary wis aye aboot.”

A Father’s Wrath

The room went silent when Leo Clifford and fifteen-year-old Kane entered. The family patriarch’s sharp, mossy-green eyes studied his family.

“The lot o’ ye leuk like a herd o’ deer in the headlights. Oot wi’ it!” Leo commanded.

Before Mildred could take Leo aside, Paul spoke up.

“It's Lotus, Da. Dr. Horn done somethin’ tae her.”

“Somethin’ like whit?” Leo demanded, his voice going cold and quiet.

“We think maybe he made her kiss him,” Gerry revealed, blushing. “Like how ye kiss maw when ye think we ain’t lookin’, not like how ye kiss Lotus or Diane or Mary or Nan or Queenie. Ye ken?”

“Gerry's right, da,” Diane agreed. “I found Lotus' diary by her bed, an’ she reeked ay alcohol. Ye can see for yerself what she wrote.”

Leo went livid upon reading the revelatory sonnet. He knocked over the coat rack and slammed his fist against the door. He made his way to the fireplace and grabbed the poker.

“I will bloody fuckin’ murder thon child-rapin’ piece o’ shite!” Leo bellowed. The firelight illuminated the wild red-gold locks swirling about his face.

Kane grabbed the fireplace shovel. Where the diminutive Leo looked like an avenging angel, his lanky adopted son looked more like an avenging stork as his spindly legs propelled him towards the door. Diane attempted to dissuade her brother from his disastrous course of action, while Mildred argued with Leo, who uncharacteristically pushed his wife aside.

“I'm her father, Millie,” Leo protested. “When we adopted her, I promised tae protect her. I canae be meek an’ mild an’ turn the other cheek tae the sick son-of-a-bitch what molested ma girl!”

As Leo attempted to exit the house, Mildred stood her ground. Although she stood only four feet and eleven inches tall, the Clifford matriarch was a force to be reckoned with.

“Leo Clifford, dinnae ye dare!” she shouted at the top of her lungs.

Leo went silent and Kane ceased his argument with Diane, who took the shovel from him.

“Millie, stand aside,” Leo ordered, although his wife’s show of force had subdued him.

“I'll not let ye gae ower there an’ murder Dr. Horn,” Mildred insisted. “He is the worst o’ garbage, a disgustin’ pervert what forces himself on a young girl. But whit guid will ye dae yer daughter frae jail? I'll not come visit ye if ye're sent tae jail, Leo. I'll be busy workin tae support our youngest kids, an e'en if I wasn't, I'd be tae damn angry wi’ ye tae dae sae!”

Leo’s shoulders slumped and the poker slipped from his hand. Mildred took him in her arms.

“There now, Leo, ma love. We'll work it oot,” she soothed.

The commotion woke Lotus, who staggered down the hallway. Upon seeing her father break down, she hurried to him and threw her arms around him, weeping.

“Daddy, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, please dinnae kill him!” she begged. “I dinnae want ye tae gae tae jail. It's aw ma fault, I didnae mean for it tae happen. I'm sae sorry, Daddy, please don’t go!”

Leo calmed himself. He needed to be strong for his daughter.

“I'll not kill him, ma love,” Leo promised. “Now, why dinnae ye come ower here an’ tell yer maw an’ me jist whit happened sae we can have an idea o’ whit we need tae dae next.”

Unwanted Touch

“Maybe ye wee jimmies ought tae head back tae bed,” Mildred suggested to Gerry and Paul.

“Maw, they already know,” Diane countered. “They're the ones as telt us whit Chrysanthos said aboot his father's unnatural feelings for Lotus. Maybe they can help.”

“Ye're right, Diane,” Mildred conceded. “Well then, let's hear whit yer sister has tae say.”

“Maw, maybe it's best if Gerry an’ Paul an’ perhaps e'en Kane didn't,” Lotus explained, blushing as she looked down at the floor. “Ye see, it aw happened because I started ma monthly when I was ower watchin the kids.”

“Oh, dinnae be an idjit, Lotus, I ainae a baby,” Kane retorted. “I know ladies have a monthly. It's na big thin’.”

“I ainae a baby neither,” Gerry agreed.

“Nor me,” said Paul. “It’s na big thin’, Lotus.”

Lotus smiled through her tears at her youngest brother’s attempt to seem cool and grown-up. She dried her eyes and forced herself to speak.

 “I went ower tae Dr. Horn's at aboot twenty past seven, as ye know,” Lotus said. “Chrysanthos answered the door, an’ we talked aboot how much school we’d missed because o’ the freezes. Dr. Horn took Chrysanthos intae the kitchen. I heard them arguin’. Dr. Horn told Chrysanthos tae take some medicine, an Chrys said he didnae want tae ‘cause it made him feel funny.

“Dr. Horn said Chrys needs tae sleep better since he is doin’ sae poorly in school, an’ he needs tae listen tae his father an’ not be such a smart-ass. Chrys grumbled aboot it, but he took the pills. He said guid nicht on his way by an’ he slammed the door tae his room. I didnae see him again the rest o’ the night.

“I asked where the little ones were, an Dr. Horn said they'd already gone off tae bed. He says he just needed me tae be there ‘cause he was gang ower some charts an’ writin’ an article an’ might not hear if they woke up an’ needed summit. He brought me some art books an’ some romance stories. I looked at him funny, I guess, 'cause he laughed. Then he says he knows I like tae copy the pictures from the Greek mythology books an’ thought I might like tae draw somethin’ different, maybe somethin’ more grown up, since I’m getting tae be such a grown-up young lady.

“I mentioned tae Chrysanthos earlier thon I hoped I'd nae have tae watch the kids, because I was feelin’ poorly. Ye remember, Maw, I’ve had a pain in ma lower belly the past couple o’ days, an’ Dr. Horn poked aboot a bit an says it wasnae appendicitis, an’ he gave me the gas pills. He asked if the pills had helped, an’ I says a little bit maybe. He says it was aw right if I wanted tae lie down on the couch for a bit, an’ he brought me a cup o’ tea an’ some tablets.

“I thought that Dr. Horn didnae know how tae make a guid cup o’ tea, because it was dreadful sweet, but I didnae want tae be impolite. I swallowed the pills, an’ aboot twenty minutes later, I started tae feel ever sae sleepy. I think I slept for aboot fifteen minutes, an’ suddenly I came awake wi’ a terrible pain in ma lower belly, an’ I felt like I was wettin’ myself. I tried tae run tae the loo, but I was stumblin’ aboot like a sailor aboard a ship in a storm.

“Dr. Horn hurried from his office an’ led me tae the loo. Before I could say anything, he lifted ma skirt, pulled down ma knickers, an’ set me on the throne. Bloody mortified I was, but I telt myself, he's a doctor. There must be somethin’ awfy wrong wi’ me, an’ he's tryin tae help me.

“Still, I felt queer for havin’ a wee whilst he was standin’ there. He took off ma knickers, an’ the strangest leuk came ower his face.

“’Whit's wrong wi me?’ I asked.

“The room wis spinnin. He smiled an’ licked his lips an’ put his hand on ma face. Then he showed me ma knickers, an’ there was blood on them. Ma face must have been red as a fire engine.

“’Oh, Dr. Horn, I'm sae sorry,’ I says.

“’There's nothin tae apologize for, ma girl, it's a fine an’ natural thing,’ he says. ‘Wait here a moment, I'll bring ye somethin’ tae help wi’ this.’

“He came back wi’ a belt an’ a pad an’ he slipped ma legs intae the belt. He showed me a pair o’ lacy knickers. He says ‘these belonged tae Christina. I think they should fit ye.’

“He telt me tae clean myself, an’ he watched while I did. That made me embarrassed, but I telt myself that he’s probably makin’ sure awthing is aw right an’ there isnae ower much blood.

“I got myself clean, an’ Dr. Horn took me back tae the livin’ room. He brought me a glass o’ brandy an’ a couple more tablets. I reminded him thon I'm only twelve years old, but he says I'm a grown woman now, na matter whit the calendar says, an’ the brandy will help wi’ the cramps. He poured a glass o’ brandy for himself an’ tapped it against mine for a toast. I made a face an’ sneezed when I drank the brandy. I didnae like it, but he telt me tae drink it doon, sae I did.

“Dr. Horn took the glass from me an’ put it on the table. He started kissin’ me, not just ma cheeks, but ma mouth an’ neck.

 “’Ye're a right bonny lass, Lotus,’ he says, ‘an’ now ye're a grown woman, sae we can dae whit's been on both o’ our minds. I was in horror, because I knew he must have guessed how I sometimes pretend I’m his wife when I’m mindin’ the wee ones. He said he needed me an’ he knew I wanted him, an’ thon brown girls are better than white girls ‘cause they're like wild animals; they grow up fast an’ want tae start bein’ wi’ men when they're still quite young.

“’Now that ye're a woman, a lot o’ horny boys like ma clumsy oik o’ a son are gonnae want tae get close tae yer sultry, nut-brown body,’ he says. ‘An’ bein’ the wild animal ye are, ye'll want tae get close tae them. But these boys dinnae know how tae handle a girl, an’ they'll hurt ye if ye havenae been prepared. I dinnae want ye tae be hurt, Lotus, ma dusky cinder-maiden. Let me prepare my pretty black kitty tae become a sleek black panther queen prowlin’ for her prey.

“I dinnae think I'll ever forget his words or the smell o’ his breath. I felt sick inside wi’ him droolin’ on me an’ sayin’ such wicked things, but the room was spinnin’ an’ I couldnae move.

“He picked me up, an’ I should have fought, but I felt sae weak. I wasnae sure whit was real. I hoped I was havin’ a bad dream. I swore tae the Lord that if it were a dream, I’d stop me foolish daydreams of bein’ Dr. Horn’s wife forever.

“He took me tae his bedroom an’ put me on his bed. He pulled up ma skirt an’ took off ma knickers, an then he took off his clothes. He put somethin’ ower his willy. I tried tae tell him I wasnae ready for this, but he says 'donae deny yer nature, Lotus. Dinnae deny this heat between us.’ Then he...

“I should have fought harder! I'm sorry! I didnae want tae believe it was really happening!”

The room was quiet save for the sound of Lotus’ weeping. With a staid expression on his face, Leo embraced his daughter.

“There’s naught ye need tae apologize for, lass," Leo declared. "Ye did nothin’ wrong. The fault is entirely his."

Leo stood and walked over to the phone. Diane took her sister in her arms as Mildred hurried to her husband’s side.

“Whit are ye gonnae do, Leo?” Mildred asked.

“First I'm gonnae call Dexter an’ speir him if the house in Crouch End is still available for the promise o’ ma services," he said. "Then I'm gonnae call the constables. For Horn's sake, I hope they arrive quickly.”

“I’ll go wi’ ye, Leo,” Mildred offered. “I’ve a piece o’ ma own mind tae give thon child rapist.”

“An’ me, Da," Diane said. "Randy old Horn thinks brown girls are wild animals? Well, I plan tae show him how a mother panther defends her young against scavengin’ hyenas wha canae keep their pecker in their pants when young lassies are aboot. D’ye reckon the bastard at least has the decency to put the kettle on in anticipation of our arrival?”

Acknowledgments and References

The poem was written by me and was previously published on 17 May 2020 on my poetry blog https://poetryofthenetherworld.blogspot.com/2020/05/ornery-poetry-story-time-lotus-laments.html

https://lingojam.com/EnglishtoScots