Color envy

Color Envy

Written by Marcie Van Cleave

“By the time I stepped outside the leaves were on fire.” They were brilliant colors of red, yellow, orange,with tinges of green. The sights were impressive, and the familiar smells brought a new definition to Autumn in my mind. I gazed upon the sunset as a tear ran down my cheek, a flood of emotions found their way to my insides as my stomach flipped and my heart raced. The sky was a beautiful assortment of blues to grey with brushstrokes of pinks smeared into orange that set so brilliantly. How could I have ever known I was taking sunsets for granted? Now, I can enjoy the same beauty everyone else talks about, I felt a slight squeeze on my shoulder that startled me as if I was awakened from a dream. I turned to gaze upon beautiful strawberry blonde hair, porcelain white skin, green eyes, and a red lipstick smile. "Mom," I exclaimed. She just gave me a huge hug and said when you are ready come back to your birthday dinner. I nodded to her as I looked back upon my father sitting at a table in the cafe. Birthday balloons never seemed so bright, and in those moments, I recounted every birthday party, prom, or homecoming parade I experienced never really knowing what I was missing, and only just now realizing.

The evening came into view, lights flickered on at the park across the street, swing sets and slides shown under a crescent moon sky. What was it about this night? That small town atmosphere, brought on memories of late-night teenage parties and first loves, and oh the awkwardness of high school. I snickered at the past pubescent me that thought I needed bigger boobs and lots of makeup to fit in. I felt glad to have outgrown that stage in life to become the young woman that I am. The confidence I exude now and having my own sense of self-worth was a fair trade off. I looked up at the cafe that still occupies the corner of the downtown plaza. Old layers of brick towering over me with a quaint window peering down at me from what was once the upstairs offices of a very old bank. I loved that about my old Texas hometown it has history including an old county courthouse square in the middle of the town that still stands in use today. Every year they host a downtown parade and booths on the courtyard filled with barbecue, antiquities, and hand made goods for sale. A band plays good old fashion tunes with fiddles and bass guitars, and the music echos through the air from downtown to the surrounding streets and dirt roads. Could it be? Am I missing my old town? I swore I would never come back when I packed and went off to college. Yet, here I am feeling nostalgic. As I reach the door of the café a strong arm grabs the door and opens it for me. “After you,” a man's voice says. I look up to thank the person and see none other than my high school crush looking back at me. He was such a fine-looking young man now, broad chest and muscles all over. He smiled at me and said,” didn’t I go to high school with you? Your different from what I remember then again change is inevitable. “I nearly missed the step up as wobbly kneed as I was, but I managed to save face. I felt my cheeks start to flush and instantly felt like that high school sophomore girl I once was. I replied “Yes, we were in advanced English together.” “Ah, yes that’s right you always sat in front." He replied. We both stood in the entrance of the café silently for a few moments then I said “Well, it was so good to see you again, but I must get back to my dinner. It's my birthday and my party awaits.” He says “of course, and happy birthday.” As I turned towards my dinner table, he says hey if you are not doing anything later would you like to meet me at the movies?” To which I quickly replied “yes actually that would be nice to get away from my parents for the evening I have been back in town visiting for a few days and I am already feeling a bit smothered.” “K it’s a date then, and the movie starts at nine forty-five, he replied “and uh, nice shades by the way.” I quickly removed my glasses and walked back to my table. I had forgotten I was wearing my color-blind correcting glasses my parents had just given me for my birthday.

           When I sat back down, I heard my dad whisper something inaudible to my mother then they both looked at me “who was that colored boy you were talking to?” asked my dad. “My date to the movies later, and I think you have forgotten that I am color blind” I laughed. Mom said “Very funny sweetie, but you know what your dad meant. He loves you and we want to see you with…….” Some one less black” I interrupted. I love you both and respect your opinions, but I am an adult now and besides its just a movie date. Never mind that, you guys are the best thank you for the glasses. I honestly can not believe the difference it makes and what I was missing. I never would have with out these glasses, and guess who likes them and wants me to sport them to the movies tonight?” My mom and dad both said Your welcome and we each shared a glass of wine and of course I acted as though it was the first sip of wine I’d ever had, but it was not and surely they knew it, but did as parents do. And as our dinner came to a close, I started feeling excited about my movie date.

  As I later explained to my mom when we arrived home that Bruno was my high school crush and he was talented and smart just like me. She and I secretly shared another glass of wine and chit chatted as I got ready for the date. I was amazed by how grown up she treated me compared to my dad and I greatly appreciated it. Spaghetti strap crop top in bright red and tight black leggings with zippers at the ankle. What for I do not know, but I liked them especially with the black flats I was wearing. Mom loaned me her silver hoops a necklace and bracelet to match. I slid my glasses on to check myself out in the mirror. “wow, mom I’ve never seen myself in red!” I exclaimed. She and I both screeched in excitement “you have always been so beautiful Lilly and now as a young woman I see so much of my self in you. I am strong willed and before your father I was very independent. I want you to be happy with whomever you choose to be with. Go have a great night and happy birthday hun.”

I arrived at the theater which was the actual movie theater from many years ago. It belonged to the old town square and fit in perfectly rest of the historical buildings. The old lights around the billboard shined so bright announcing the movie were big black letters “Romeo and Juliet” Leonardo DiCaprio and Clair Danes from 1996. So, cliché, but so perfect for tonight and there he was my date for this evening. We grabbed some snacks and drinks before heading in. The concessions were small time, basic popcorn, milk duds, soda fountain, and nachos with cheese and jalapenos my absolute favorite. The old me would have said no to messy nachos, however the more mature me did not care. We found good seats right down front middle. I do not know how much of the movie Bruno watched, because through out the movie I felt eyes on me. He grabbed my hand and we stayed holding hands till the end of the movie. We exited the theater holding hands when he asked if he could take me somewhere, to which I excitedly replied yes let’s go. " On the short drive we talked and I told him” did you know I had a crush on you in high school?” to which he responded “No, but it went both ways I guess cause I stared at you all the time, I was surprised you never called me a creep ha ha.” He has such a great smile. I laughed with him the whole way then we stopped. I looked out the window a Texas flag waved in the wind as if to greet us. Perhaps this would be the best part of our night. He opened my door and I stepped out onto the gravel driveway. An ice chest in hand he says to me “I hope you don’t mind I brought us some brews.” I’ll have one of those thank you” I replied. We approached the entrance to an old fort built to replicate the fort that once stood in a great battle. Wood planks lead us down a hallway with rooms filled with antiques and mannequins dressed in uniforms and olden days clothing their eyes eerily starring back at us. Now I remember why I was so creeped out by this place when I was a kid. When we were young we would ride our bikes up the hill and play around at the fort it was only a few blocks from my childhood home. The long hallway descended upon a long covered back porch, which overlooked the whole town. The sky was clear and stars shown bright as the town-lights mimicked them below. The old fort held the best memories and the prettiest view in town.

           Bruno and I took some time to enjoy the silence before we both began to speak “what… I said and he said “where’s" we laughed, and I smiled and said "go ahead." He asked me “where my shades were?” "Oh right, well obviously its nighttime, but those were color blindness shades. He said I had no idea you were color blind” My parents gave those to me tonight at dinner.” I began to explain my experience seeing colors for the first time and how these memories came flooding back and how emotional I was.” He was the best date standing there listening to it all never interrupting not once. “And here we are now” I said. “can I tell you something’ he said “Sure” I replied. I lied when I said I didn’t know you had a crush on me and to tell you the truth I didn’t think I was good enough for you so I didn’t approach you.” I was amazed by his honesty and Said “really why?” he told me how one time in the school hallway he was about to talk to me and my brother stepped in his way and said to keep moving we don’t like your kind.” I was angered by this and apologized for the actions of my brother. Bruno had such a kind heart and did not deserve that. What he said next was somewhat of a shock. He said for a long time he wished he were white so he could approach me finally. Until today when he saw me in town in front of the café, he knew it was now or never.” I stayed quiet for a time and then replied “ I may need glasses to see colors, but with you I don't see color, I see kindness, honesty, and intelligence, and right then I kissed him. I was given a present at my birthday dinner, and I never thought in a million years that a pair of glasses would change my life in such a big way.