​Mock Apple Pie- yummy

Bank of Baltimore

11-08-22 Balance $25.55

Taco Tuesday, that's what Grandma calls today. I call it Game Day. You see, every two weeks I play a game with myself. If I manage to exist for two weeks without my checking account overdrawn; I order takeout from a fancy place.

I hope one day I can live better than paycheck-to-paycheck.   

Party for one. It's hard to choose between Chinese or steak, fajitas or wings. Yum! I want it all. I'm so hungry for something besides Honey Nut Cheerios. Sushi sounds delicious. 

I should pick up a lottery ticket.

Bank of Baltimore

11-09-22 Taco King 21.94 Balance 3.61

11-09-22 Deposit 616.81 Balance 620.42

11-09-22. Rent Payment 401.00 Balance 219.42

11-09-22 Water Bill 35.00 Balance 184.42

11-09-22 Balance 184.42

Hump Day, that's what grandma calls today. I just call it Wednesday. When I switched the light on this morning something skittered away. Felix! God! Why do I have you if you can't control the rodents? Useless cat. This apartment is really a dump. I have seen cockroaches and bed bugs but now rodents? 

Plus, the water never gets hot. How much is the water bill? Cold water doesn't bother me though. I'm usually fine with a whore bath. Got to go to work. Another day, another dollar. What's for breakfast- nachos from last night. 

Bank of Baltimore

11-10-22 Gas 25.00 Balance 159.42

11-10-22 Balance 159.42

Friday-eve, that's what Grandma calls today. I need to stop for gas this morning, but my car won't start. Great. My money situation is tighter than tight. My car has been with me longer than any man, really longer than anything else in my life. I try encouraging my her, you got this, you can do it, do it for me. It works. She starts. 

I hope Junior and I can work out a deal, like last time. 

Bank of Baltimore

11-11-22 Balance 159.42

Today is Fat Friday- or what I like to call the best thing about this stinking job: free food. There is an unbelievable amount of food- the theme is Slow Cooker Madness. I hope Mrs. Hoover brought her slow cooker chicken enchilada dip again. I like Mrs. Hoover even though she is a busy body.

My coworkers are proud, but I'm not embarrassed to take leftovers home, sadly no chicken enchilada dip though. I don't have to spend money on food all weekend. Score. 

Junior's Car Care Carnival called me hours after I dropped off my car. "A rat chewed through the wires on your car, $1900- capiche?" a man with a hard-to-understand accent asked, "capiche?"

"Where is the rat now? Can I have it back? " I asked. 

The mechanic ignored my question, or maybe he didn't understand, "si o no?"

Nineteen hundred dollars, where am I going to come up with nineteen hundred dollars? I don't even have enough money for my medicine. I definitely should not go out drinking tonight. Felix and I will watch Netflix. 

Bank of Baltimore

11-12-22 Club Daga 30.00 Balance 129.42

11-12-22 Grocery 73.56 Balance 55.86

11-12-22 Balance 55.86

Lunedi, that's what Grandma calls today. When I was a kid I used to think Grandma was saying Looney Day. Last year, at the Fourth of July parade, Grandma won the Apple Pie Contest at the Farmers Market. Everyone would ask her, What is your secret? Is it in your crust? "The secret is love," Grandma taught. 

I went to Walmart over the weekend. A small box of Cheerios costs $4.67, and I need milk. A 12 pack of Cup of Noodles costs $6.28. I bought bread for sandwiches- nothing for the inside though. I'm not too worried. Usually when I hold two slices of bread up most people just assume that it's a normal sandwich. Desperate people do desperate things. 

I should pick up a lottery ticket. 

Junior's Car Care Carnival called again. I let it go to Voicemail. "Ciao. Your car should be ready at the end of the week, and also last time we spoke you asked about il ratto…. I just want to let you know that the dead rat is still available, if you want it. Grazie." 

I waited until Junior's Car Care Carnival closed to call. I left a message. " Hi, this is Marie, with the Prius. I can't pick up my car until next Monday- is that okay? Also, I still want the rat. Can I pick it up tomorrow? Thank you." click.

Bank of Baltimore

11-19-22 Miscellaneous Fee 10.00 Balance 45.86

11-19-22 Balance 45.86

Washing Day, that's what Grandma calls today. I think she means washing clothes, like laundry. But for me, Washing Day means the day I take a shower. 

What exactly is a ten-dollar miscellaneous fee? I don't think it's fair. It's no wonder that I'm always overdrawn. Fuck you Bank of Baltimore.

How am I going to make it until my next paycheck? Wait. I don't know why I didn't think of it before, but it's genius. I'm going to have a garage sale, that's how I will be able to pay for my car. When Gramps died, he left me his guitar. That's worth something. 

Bank of Baltimore

11-20-22 Deposit 40.00 Balance 85.86

11-20-22 Grocery 83.65 Balance 2.21 11-20-22 Balance 2.21

Sunday, I went to Walmart yesterday. My card was declined. I had to take the $ 9.46 apples off, and the cereal which costs $4.67. 

I thought the coupons would help. 

I should've stolen the apples. 

I needed apples to make Grandma's Apple Pie.

Grandma is coming over today

I feel helpless; things are really bad. 

Maybe I can use the rat in place of the apples- right? What's the harm? 

I have to pick up my car tomorrow. 

Grandma ate the pie, and said it was yummy. I only ate a teeny-tiny bite.

I have to pick up my car tomorrow. 

"Grandma, can I borrow $2,000- for my car," she hesitated then pulled her arm over her heart. 

"I promise, I'll pay you back. Please." 

Things happened fast, and, besides, legally I am not supposed to talk about it. 

Grandma fell.

I called 911. 

In my defense- I had no idea the rat was poisonous. 

My next payday is only three days away. 

I should pick up a lottery ticket.

December 14, 2023 17:49

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Michał Przywara
21:58 Dec 21, 2023

The story is fun - there's a great voice on the narrator - and also very sad. And, by the end, quite dark. But, it remains darkly funny. The format, of starting each section with the bank information, works really well here, since it underscores the focus on money, but the numbers also tell the story in their own way. Likewise, starting each text section off with grandma is neat, as that's clearly the other focus. One major expense threatens to ruin everything for the narrator - a sad situation most are probably familiar with. Thanks fo...


22:03 Dec 21, 2023

Michal you are like a Reedsy rock star. I can’t believe you read my little story. I feel like I’ve played piano with Bach now. Thank you so much! Thank you for your kind words. -CC


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Martin Ross
16:26 Dec 20, 2023

I love it! A great way to tell the story, and the dark humor is done wonderfully. And I can identify with the “hero”s dilemma from when I was single😉. Very nicely done!


16:30 Dec 21, 2023

OMG! Thank you for reading my little story.


Martin Ross
17:19 Dec 21, 2023

We’re a writing family here — Reedsy and tge people here are so great! I’m on my 61st story, and I probably would never have written one without the push I got here. Have fun, and keep writing good stuff like this!👍😊


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