Fiction Teens & Young Adult

“Hey Ash, can I borrow our car?” Nathan asked.

“No way, your not borrowing my car again”

“But mine is still in the shop, and I really need to get to Game City for the new release.”

“Well, you should have thought about that before you started making out with your car still in drive and smashing into a concrete wall in the parking garage downtown,” I said as I started to remember what happened after Nathan borrowed my car last time. The parking permit for school went missing and nobody seemed to know where it went.

“You seriously aren’t still mad at me for your parking permit, are you? It was one time; it won’t happen again.”

“Says the one who is about to go buy a game and still hasn’t paid me back for the ticket I had to pay.”

“You should have noticed it was gone before you left, it wasn’t my fault.”

“It shouldn’t have been gone in the first place, I was late for class, and I shouldn’t have had to think about it since it should have never been moved in the first place,” I said as I started finding my place in the book that I was reading.

“you’re such a tool. You should just let me borrow your car. It will only take a few minutes.” Nathan lied. Misery IV was a long-awaited game that had the release date pushed by almost a year due to a change in the storyline. The change created a lot of buzz around the game and has gotten even the most casual gamers interested in the game series.

“No, now leave me alone, I have a report to do that needs to be done by the day after tomorrow.”

“Fine.” He said as he quietly pulled the keys out of the bowl on top of Ashley’s dresser by the door. He waited outside the door for a few minutes to see if she had noticed him taking the keys and come running after him to retrieve them. Nothing.

“One benefit of having a sister who zones into her work is that she doesn’t notice too much when she is focused.” He thought as he headed for the car that was parked out in the driveway.

Suddenly he felt his phone vibrating in his pocket.

“Hey, Max, what’s up?”

“Hey, ya coming to Game City?”

“Yeah, I’ll be there. Gimme like 5 minutes. Did you get in line?”

“Yeah dude, the store isn’t even open yet and I’m all the way at the end of the building.”

“Oh shit. That’s ridiculous. I hope they have enough copies! If I stole my sister’s car and don’t get the game, then I’m really gonna be pissed.”

“Dude, you stole your sister’s car?”

“Yeah man, mine is still in the shop, remember?”

“Right, right. Bangin’ Britney. Hope she was worth it man.”

“Dude, not now. I gotta get there and back with the car in one piece.”

“Alright, dude see ya in five.”

Before Nathan knew it he was pulling into one of the spots to Game City. “Misery IV here I come”.

At the same time, Nathan was pulling into the spot, their parents were driving up to the house to see Nathan and Ashley in one of their rare surprise visits.

“Huh, that’s odd,” Hank said pulling to the side of the street next to the house.

“What’s that dear?” Barbara asked not bothering to look up from her crossword puzzle.

“Well, I know Nathan’s car is in the shop, but Ashley’s car is gone and she mentioned having a lot of work to do.”

“Maybe she was taking a break, you know how important it is to be able to take a breath when you have a lot of work to do.”

“Right, I suppose I’ll just give her a ring.” He said dialing her number.

“Hello” he heard on the third ring.

“Hi honey, it’s your father. Your mother and I just decided to pop by the house and noticed that you weren’t home. Is Nathan there or shall we use the one under the mat?” He asked with a slightly raised voice ensuring that he is heard.

“Um dad, I told mom I have a lot of work to do, I’m at home studying. If you are here I don’t know why you would assume I’m out, my car is in the driveway.”

“Oh, well except it isn’t in the driveway.”

“Um no, cars don’t just drive themselves, dad.” She said getting up to look in the bowl where she leaves her keys.

“Unless your lousy brother takes it after you specifically told him no.” She muttered as soon as she saw the keys were gone.

“Come inside, the door is open.” She said scrambling to get herself together trying not to get all worked up.

As soon as Hank and Barbara entered Ashley started telling them about her conversation with Nathan and how he had to get to the game store and how she forbade him from taking her car.

“Well, boys will be boys,” Hank said sighing at the irresponsibility of Nathan.

“Boys will be boys? What does that mean?” Ashley asked irritated.

“Well, we put on the insurance that you each drive each other’s cars in case of an emergency, though I wouldn’t classify a videogame an emergency. I suppose I’ll just have to call the auto shop tomorrow and tell them to keep the car an extra few days. That’s why we came, to give your brother his keys and say that it was ready.”

“That and make sure you have enough food. We brought some just in case.” Barbara chimed in.

“Thanks, mom.”

“Alright Ashley, grab your coat. Looks like we have an errand to run. Babs, we’ll be back shortly.”

Several minutes later Hank was pulling into the parking lot to Game City and slowly driving by the line to see which place Nathan was in.

“Nathan!” Ashley screamed getting out of the car once she spotted him.

“Uh oh.” He gulped knowing why she was there. He knew that she would make a scene in front of everyone. If there was one thing that Ashley was not remotely afraid of, it was causing scenes in public. On the other hand, Nathan was terrified of public scenes and he knew he still had hours to wait so he didn’t want to spend those hours being the talk of the night among those in line within earshot.

“Nathan, I swear to God give me my keys RIGHT NOW and tell me where the hell you parked. I am taking my car home NOW!”

“Here, here… Just don’t make a scene.”

“Oh, I’ll make a scene if I damn well please!” She shouted back. “You stole my car, and then you tell me to not make a scene?”

By the time she started, he had already pulled out her keys.

“Isle K, 10 spots down.” He said being oddly specific. As Ashley hopped back into Hanks’s car to get to hers it dawned on Nathan. “Hey, wait, how am I getting home?”

“You should have thought of that before stealing my car!” She said through Hank's open window.

“But dad!”

“You reap what you sow son.”

“What does that even mean?”

“You stole your sister’s car, now you gotta find your own way home. Sorry kid, action has consequences.”

“Yeah okay, whatever,” Nathan muttered as they drove off.

A few hours later when the house was warm and smelled of Barbara’s homemade cinnamon rolls, Nathan walked into the house clearly not in a good mood.

“Didn’t get your game son?” Hank asked as he finished his last bite of the cinnamon roll.

“No, I didn’t. The person in front of Max and I not only got the last game but felt the need to brag”.

“What goes around comes around. While you were out not getting your game, I finished my entire book report, started my final project for the class, and got two weeks’ worth of work done.” Ashley bragged as she scooped the last cinnamon roll onto her plate.

“Are there no more cinnamon rolls either?”

“Nope, should have gotten home about two minutes earlier, you could have gotten the last one,” Ashley said scooping a mouthful of delicious roll and icing into her mouth.

“Man, tonight could not have gone worse,” Nathan said angrily.

“Well maybe tomorrow will be better my boy,” Barbara said.

“Oh shit, I have a test tomorrow!” Nathan remembered throwing his coat onto the couch he stormed off into his room to study.

“Karma can be a bitch.” Ashley said gleefully.

“Karma can be a bitch.” Hank replied.

October 20, 2021 05:43

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Tanya Humphreys
22:48 Oct 30, 2021

Reedsy Critiquer here... Cute story though the characters didn't have much depth. In addition to a couple small mistakes (a capital letter and a missing letter), the biggest issue is with your punctuation. Many sentences need commas, and sometimes periods too. I like how you made Nathan so self-centered, too true of many teenagers. It'd be nice if more of them had bad karma bite them in the ass.


Stevie Writes
20:58 Dec 24, 2021

Thank you so much, I really appreciate feedback! If you don't mind I would like to ask for clarification on having Karma bite more of them in the ass. Do you mean more karma reprecussions for Nathan alone or if there were more karma reprecussions for everyone?


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