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General

We stood next to the old train tracks at the edge of town in the cold February air, wearing our matching aviator caps. I liked my goggles down, but Jessie wore hers up, just like Charlie Broadmoor did in the movie Flightpath. Nobody kept watch over us, and nobody was there to keep us out of trouble. Nobody ever was back then, it’s just not how things worked. It was just me and Jessie. 


She was the girl next door, and my very best friend for all of time. We stood side-by-side, staring into the dull grey fog, where the train tracks disappeared some fifty yards out. The old hand car still worked, and despite its rust and many splinters we could still pump the lever up and down to make it go down the tracks. Jessie, forever the planner, had fashioned a makeshift sail, just in case we needed it for the journey home. It was made from an old broomstick, and a bed sheet from her mother’s linen closet. We could fasten it with some duct tape if necessary.


In my backpack, just the essentials. A pack of gum and some candy, a peanut butter sandwich, four marbles and my father’s Boy Scout pocketknife, now handed down to me.


As we stood staring into the fog, the church bell rang at the center of town. A man had passed away and they were holding his funeral. I wondered how he died. What he was like. How old he was. What they would say at his eulogy. 


Jessie stared down the tracks, into the foggy abyss. She looked as fearless as anybody I had ever met, even more fearless than old Charlie Broadmoor pulling that ripcord as his plane burst into flames. Jessie feared nothing. She met every challenge straight on, and with grace. 


“What do you think we’ll find in there?” she asked. 


“Adventure,” I remember telling her. “Definitely adventure.”


We pumped the hand car down the track, straight into the fog, until we could no longer see the place where we had started. Once inside, we searched high and low for monsters, and dragons and giant mutant slugs that only eat your face, leaving you to wander the earth for all of eternity looking a horrible mess. Jessie came up with that last one. She had a certain flair for the dramatic. 


After searching in vain, in need of a break, we sat in the fog, on a rotting log. We shared my sandwich and discussed our plans for what to do if we ever found them. After some serious debate, we finally agreed that they must have heard us coming, and had gone into hiding long before we ever arrived. We would be quieter the next time. They would never know we were coming for them.


That particular adventure might have lasted only an hour, but I never forgot it. It ended with our mothers calling us back to our homes, just a short run’s distance from the rusty old hand car. It was time to wash up and get ready for supper.


The creatures in the fog would be safe for now, and they would live to haunt another day. Jessie and I would be back, however, with the very next fog. Of that, they could rest assured. 


That was the day I realized it. I liked Jessie. And I liked her not just a little. I liked her a very great deal. It was our first adventure together, and I never could have imagined the countless adventures that would follow. Some were good, and some were not. That’s life, really, and you have to take it as it comes. Even among the good, some adventures were better than others. 


A found treasure. A lost tooth. A scraped knee, a loving embrace and the premature death of a parent.


Sharing a good book. Laughing until our stomachs hurt at something only we found funny. Our teacher was not amused. Neither was the principal.


High school graduation. Moving from our childhood homes to attend college in separate cities. 


The stress of managing our budding careers and supporting each other through it all. Dealing with ends that just wouldn’t meet. Finding a way to make them.


The innumerable joys of our wedding day. Four tragic miscarriages. One miracle birth, the doctors even said as much. 


The joy of a puppy found in a stocking on Christmas morning, and the somberness of the day we decided it was time to put the old boy down. 


Raising our miracle daughter, watching her, worrying for her, teaching her, guiding her, protecting her, providing for her, sacrificing for her, wishing the absolute best for her. Giving her away on her wedding day, and welcoming our first grandchild into this world. Then our second, and our third, each a miracle in their own right.


Planning. Saving. Retiring. Building a healthy nest egg, and making the best laid plans to enjoy our golden years together. Cocktails in Maui, watching a perfect sunset, eating a perfect meal. Losing our luggage in Greece, permanently. 


Planning a safari in Africa, and receiving a diagnosis. 

Treatment.

Remission.

Recurrence. 

A life lived beautifully, and ended far too soon.


As I drove here today, I reflected on the fog and the tracks and the hand car. I thought about the church bell, and what they must have said at that man’s eulogy so many years ago. 


I wondered what I would say to you all, standing here, delivering one of my own. I think I’ve covered most of it by now. But I also wondered what Jessie would have me say on her behalf. And I think it’s quite simple:


Be present. Love with abandon.


But most important, go on adventures and enjoy them for what they truly are. You never know where they will take you, and that’s just simply fantastic.


I would be grateful if we could have a few more together. But as things stand, Jessie has gone back into the fog, alone for now. And doubtless, I’ll catch up with her in my own time. When I do, I know she’ll be waiting for me. In the meantime, however, I’ll just have to go on a few of my own. I think that’s what she would have wanted. Until then, I’ll look forward to telling her all about them, when we reunite in the fog once again.

May 29, 2020 14:56

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6 comments

04:09 Jun 07, 2020

What a beautiful story of love and loss. The second to last sentence in the first paragraph says the same thing two ways. (Tautology) The last sentence isn’t clear. I had to read it several times to understand it. I think that it says ‘no one was ever there to supervise’ which is what the previous sentence says. Short sentences for emphasis are good. Perhaps take one of the phrases of the second to last sentence out. I love the giant mutant slugs. Reminiscent of Mark Twain’s writing. ‘what to do if we ever found them’ should re...

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Trevor Dutcher
21:09 Jun 07, 2020

Thank you for taking the time to read and respond, really appreciate it and I'm glad you liked it.

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Neya Q
23:16 Jun 06, 2020

Wow. This is a beautiful story! I love the way it made me feel- sad and happy and fulfilled all at once. Thank you for sharing this piece.

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Trevor Dutcher
23:25 Jun 06, 2020

Thank you so much. I felt a lot writing it, glad to hear it’s coming through.

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Emily Nghiem
04:49 Jun 07, 2020

You have a very natural storytelling style, subtle and smooth. To make Jessie come to life more in living memories, I might suggest adding a place where she talks to him and says something that sticks in his mind. As it is, there was only one place where she had words. I understand that the kids are mentioned in passing without naming them specifically to draw too much attention, but that seemed odd to me. If I were going to skim past that, I might make a vague reference to "watching our kids grow up," but going into longer details seems awk...

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Trevor Dutcher
21:10 Jun 07, 2020

Thank you so much, that's what keeps us writing... :)

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