Finding peace in the woods - By Maya Swartz

Here I was again, the same recurring hallucination I face every day. I am trapped in the woods surrounded by pine trees, their crushed cones prickling under my bare feet. Its lonely here, the darkness which surrounds this place gnaws at my every being to run and escape the horrors that this place will soon unfold. I run, the pine needles scraping against my cold skin. Once again, I’m brought to the same place; a small cabin nestled in between two oak trees. The warmth of the fire luring me into the cabin once again. I know what happens when I enter but I can’t help but crave the need to feel the comfort that encompasses my every nerve. The smell of freshly baked bread infiltrates my nostrils and I savor the memory it brings forth. I know what comes next, but I can never leave. The blurry figure pulls out a knife and slices her throat. My mother…

“NO”, I exclaim before a group of sisters pin me down to my bed. The sweat beads drip from my forehead and the fear grips me by my throat. Another hallucination. The same one I have been experiencing since I checked into Saint Mary's institution for the crazy, properly known as the institution for the psychologically impaired. The nurses here think they can fix us by torturing us with psychedelic drugs to force hallucinations forth and dig deeper into the workings of the subconscious. It was time for the newest volunteer to try and puzzle together what broke me.

Each week student psychologists come “practice"on us. We called them our outside connections, after all they were the only connection we had to the outside world because we weren’t allowed to have visitors.  

The sister led me to the grand hall where we are restrained and examined by the student psychologists. I was expecting to see my usual visitor, Ben but, in his seat, sat a brooding man covered in tattoos and shockingly emerald eyes. He turned to face me with a sheepish grin upon his face. Abruptly he stuck out his hand not realizing I’m restrained. 

“My names Brian, I will be your new ‘outside ‘connection’’, he said with a wink. The nurse left suddenly, and I was left to introduce myself. I hate the part that comes next, new introductions in this place always mean having to explain your whole history again.

To my surprise he said;” Look Liezel I will get straight to the point, I know you’re in here for a reason so how about we stop pretending I can fix you and make the next few weeks fun for the both of us. It doesn’t look like you get much fun around here”. I shook my head.

“So, tell me what you would like to do in the coming weeks?’’. It took me a while to decide as no one has ever taken their internship here less seriously. They all focus on fixing the broken and trying to find the missing puzzle piece instead of trying to walk through the maze that is our existence. I have never seen anyone leave this place nor will I ever dream of leaving.

I politely asked Brian if we could walk through the estate gardens and so we did. Every week I could experience the warmth of the sun dancing across my skin and the grass tickling my bare feet. He never asked me questions and it was pleasant to just be myself instead of the crazy person stuck in an institution. He made me laugh and forget about all the misery I have lived through. He made me feel normal in just a few weeks and I loved the utter bliss I felt when I was around him. He was different than the other interns. At night I would think of the way he looked at me. He looked at me with so much admiration instead of the usual pitiful glances I was used to. A few weeks passed by and there was no sign of Brian, just like the others, he was gone as soon as his internship was over.

The next morning soon after I woke up, I was called to the head sisters office. “Liezel choose some clothes out of the confiscated bin and be in the grand hall by 11:00 for sister Anne to comb your hair”, said the head sister. Fascinated by what this could be about I rushed to get ready. Thousands of questions swarming my mind. Was I finally getting out of her? No, that can’t possibly be it.

 After getting my hair brushed, I headed to the main entrance to find Brian waiting for me with a bouquet of sunflowers in his hands. “Miss Fontaine”, he said trying to remain professional In front of the other sisters, but they knew better, all giggling away, gossiping amongst each other. They were happy for me; I have bonded with most of the sisters here as they think I am different from the other patients. The only sister I haven’t connected with was the head sister, Mrs Parsons, who was giving me a stone-cold glare, as if to say she disapproves, but without having the inclination to say it.

After taking Brian’s arm I asked him where we were going, but he only smiled and started the car. After driving for a while, we finally stopped at our destination. It was a little café and it was wonderful to feel normal for a few minutes.  After our meal he took me to a wishing well and finally he asked the question everyone wanted to know, “what happened to you?”

“I wasn’t always this way, I used to be normal, popular even. One Christmas my mother had won the lottery and bought a cabin in the woods”. This triggered hallucination once again, and it completely took over. My eyes went blank and I was forced to relive it once more. “We decided to head there to get away for a while as my mother just started finalizing her divorce. Christmas day I went out for a stroll and when I came home, I was welcomed by the scent of my mothers freshly baked bread but  as soon as I walked through the door , my father stood there and slit her throat. I was forced to run, when I found a place to hide, I called the police, but my father had vanished. There was no trace of him and soon after the murder I became the lead suspect. My father was never found, and I was forced to plead guilty. They decided to send me to Saint Mary's because they knew I would never be let go”. A soft touch brought me back to reality.

“I think its best if we go back, tomorrow is the last day I will be seeing you. I will be opening my own practice soon after graduation and then I will come look for you again”, Brian suggested. I could tell he was in shock from what I just told him.

“Can you take me back to the cabin one last time”, I pleaded with him and he gave a slight nod.

“Tomorrow”.

That night I thought long and hard about my decision to go back and I was ready to let go of the misery that encompassed my life. Tomorrow I would finally find peace.

Early that morning Brian came to get me as promised. I left a letter for Mrs Parsons and hid it under my pillow…

It was a long ride to the cabin in the woods. An eerie silence filled the air. I was ready. When we entered, I asked Brian to leave me alone for a few minutes.

As I stood under a rather large pine tree, I started to wonder why it was so quiet. Should I go check to see if Liezel is alright? No don’t be stupid Brian, she is saying her goodbyes. After all, maybe I would be the one to fix her.

 A loud BANG came from within the cabin. I ran into the cabin to find Liezel bleeding out on the floor, she shot herself. As I bent down to check her pulse, I was frightened by the ringing of my cell phone.

“Brian, there’s a note on Liezel’s bed saying goodbye, what’s going on?”, Mrs Parsons voice broke as she said this.

“She’s gone sister”, Tears streamed out of my now burning eyes as I explained to the sister what had happened.

I was back, back in the cabin but instead of the usual horror scene which always unfolded, this was different. A warm feeling enveloped my body as I walked through the door to find my mom slicing the bread. Her smile radiated and her golden hair shone brightly as the sun cascaded over it. This was it. This was the peace I had been longing for. I was finally free…

The End