The Secrets Letters Reveal

5 September 2022

Dear Jeremy

Don’t throw this letter away. It’s me. Leonie. 

Yes, I wrote you a letter. An actual letter.

Were you surprised to see a stamped hand-written envelope in your letterbox or has it been sitting in there for days while the snails chewed some of it? 

Jeremy, you have no idea how long it took me to write this as I’m out of practice but you’re probably wondering what this is about. 

Let meee e xp….la i iiii n. 

Argh. Hang on while I find a new pen as this one is scratching the paper. The ink has dried. Honestly, I can’t remember the last time I used a pen. 

Okay, this one will do. I tested all the pens in the junk drawer and ditched most of them as they don’t work. I guess this is what happens when you don’t use pens anymore.

This pen has “Hilton Hotel” printed on it. 

Now there’s a blast from the past. Remember the time we stayed there in Sydney all those years ago? We celebrated our third anniversary and my parents looked after the kids. It was our first trip away together since they were born. I remember how excited we were to get away for the weekend. 

The Hilton Hotel pen's ink still runs but it’s a pity that our marriage dried up.

Last night the kids and I were watching an old movie on the telly. Well, I say “watching” loosely. Obviously, they were on their phones. One of the movie characters was writing a letter to his sweetheart and at that moment, Emily looked up from her phone. 

“O.M.G. That’s SO old-fashioned. What’s the whole point of writing a letter? It’s SO slow,” she said with a dramatic roll of the eyes that we know so well.  

“What’s wrong with that?” I asked her. “Your father and I used to write to each other all the time before you two were born.”

James then looked up from his phone. “Well, maybe you and Dad shouldn’t have wasted your time writing your life away with too many words to each other. Look at where it got you. Texting is a lot easier and faster,” he said.

“I’d have you know James, that when you write - and receive a letter - it’s the most touching and heartfelt action you can do for another person.”

“Yeah right,” James smirked. “You, the queen of social media and texting. I bet you wouldn’t be able to write a letter anymore if you had to.” He looked down at his phone. 

This irked me. He was right. I hadn’t written a letter in years and part of me felt guilty that I couldn’t hold our children’s attention long enough to explain the experience of writing a letter. I’ve been sucked into the world of texts and social media but part of me wants to experience the simplicity of putting pen to paper again. 

Jeremy, I know that we’ve had our differences in the past and we are now that “civilized divorced couple” but do you remember those days of our own letter writing? It seemed like we had all the time in the world to write long rambling letters to each other. We expressed our love, dreams and desires in them. Whatever happened to those days? 

It seems like we don’t even bother with words anymore. Everything is in emojis. 

I worry our children will miss an experience that we appreciated but took for granted. They’ll miss the joy of writing to someone - and of being written to - of finding a handwritten letter, card or note in the letterbox specifically for them. 

At breakfast the next day, I revisited the conversation. I told the kids that you and I will write to each other to show them what writing letters is all about. I’ll read the letters we write to each other out aloud to them and see what happens. 

What do you think?  

What have we got to lose? 

You may need to find a pen, some paper too. Oh, by the way, stamps cost $1.20 nowadays. I was surprised by that too. 

Yours sincerely?

Love?

I don’t even know how to end this letter.

Leonie

……………………………………………..

12 September 2022

Leonie,

I think you fell into the trap that the kids set for you. Trust me, they don’t have the attention span to keep us accountable to do this. Nevertheless, I will agree to correspond with you over the next couple of months.  

I remember how your letters made me feel all those times when I was homesick whilst at sea. They made me feel like I had a little bit of home in my hands. It’s strange to write this letter to you now. My hand is already hurting. It’s unused to writing anymore. 

Okay, let’s do this. 

Did you know I raided the printer’s paper tray to find something to write on? There was no paper in the apartment except for toilet paper. We may be divorced but I wouldn’t stoop so low to write you a letter on that. I have my standards. You’ll have to do with a sheet of A4 photocopy paper. 

As for the pen, thankfully “Direct Recruitment Solutions: Reliable Staffing and Quality Service” came to my rescue. Their pen still works. Pity the company closed down. 

Yours Aye

Jeremy

(I haven’t written Yours Aye in years. I used to write it in formal Navy correspondence back in the day. I have no idea why I was compelled to end the letter like this).

……………………………………………..

19 September 2022

Dear Jeremy,

The kids laughed when I read out your letter. They ROTFL with the Yours Aye. They hadn’t heard of this expression before.  

Emily mentioned it was “Talk Like a Pirate Day” so now she will respond to any question asked at school today with a “Yours Aye”.

Can I use phone abbreviations in our letters?  

In case you don’t know, ROTFL is “Roll On The Floor Laughing”. 

It’s at this point where I would have used a laughing emoji at the end of that sentence if I was texting you. I guess I could draw a smiley face here but I think we should stick to the good old-fashioned writing protocol. Let’s pretend that we don’t know anything about abbreviations or emojis.

Sincerely yours (does this ending seem weird to you?)

Leonie

……………………………………………..

26 September 2022

Leonie

I don’t think you’ve sincerely been mine for some years now. Divorce does that to couples I guess. We are lucky we had an amicable separation that didn’t result in us wanting to tear out each other’s throats. After all, look at us now, we’re writing to each other. 

Despite my initial hesitation to do this, it’s been a surprising activity. I look forward to checking the letterbox every day and I’m enjoying the process too but it’s highlighting some strange aspects of letters I hadn’t thought about before. 

For example, have you noticed how difficult it is to start and end our letters? Greetings and salutations seem stilted and awkward. 

I started this letter with “Dear Leonie” and then thought twice. Does it seem condescending to you? Dear? Dear Leonie? 

I crossed it out and created such a mess on the paper that I thought, “I wish I had some “Liquid Paper.” 

I hadn’t thought about Liquid Paper in years! Remember how we used to sniff it in class as kids? (You’d have to explain what Liquid Paper is to the kids). 

I’ve noticed with letters that salutations and endings go either way. They can be intimate or cold. Most of the time, they seem odd. Dear, dearest, sincerely, sincerely yours, regards. Even a simple Hello Leonie and Goodbye, Jeremy seems tacked on. Added there for the sake of visual appeal when you don’t know how to end the letter with fancy words. Or maybe it seems odd because you’re my ex. 

No wonder people don’t use them anymore. It’s easier to write your message and be done with it. Straight to the point. Stop wasting time.  

I’m glad that Emily found Yours Aye amusing. In all honesty, I don’t think I would have remembered that if it weren’t for writing these letters.

After I received your last letter, I thought about the hundreds of letters we wrote to each other through the years.  

Leonie, you may not know this but I’ve kept them all. 

I stored them in a box at the back of my wardrobe here. Of course, I haven’t looked at them in some years but they’re all there.  

Yours (well, technically not anymore)

Jeremy

PS. I know what ROTFL is.

……………………………………………..

2 October 2022

Oh my, Jeremy,

I read your last letter out loud to the kids. The moment you mentioned you saved our letters, both Emily and James looked up from their phones. 

You could hear a pin drop.  

They waited for me to say something. The dumbfounded expression on my face said it all. 

“Mum,” said Emily. “Dad kept all your letters! Say something!” 

She was as surprised as I was. James smiled and waited for my response. 

“Do you think Dad would ever let us read those letters?” he asked as I stood there with mouth agape.

I didn’t respond except to urge both of them to finish their breakfast and get ready for school. 

Jeremy, I don’t know what to say.  

The idea you kept those letters came as a complete surprise. For many years I assumed you destroyed them. I imagined you held a sacrificial burning after our divorce came through and it was the reason why I never asked about them. 

Thank you. Thank you for keeping them. 

Regards?

Love? 

Leonie

……………………………………………..

10 October 2022

Dear Leonie

I knew it would have been a surprise to you. Those letters were the only things that kept me sane during our deployments at sea. They were a little part of home in my hands that I’d read and reread behind the curtain of a cocoon of a bunk bed. 

I couldn’t bring myself to destroy them because, to me, they represented a time and place in our lives. 

Our words were a record of the plans we created for ourselves. To marry, buy our home and have the family we longed for.

The letters were about us. Not just me or you. 

How could I have destroyed them? I would have destroyed a part of myself in the process too.

Instead, I boxed them up and placed them at the back of the wardrobe thinking that one day, I’ll know what to do with them. That’s where they’ve been sitting since the divorce. Of course, I never read them since then as I couldn’t bring myself to go through the emotions again.  

But we have them. 

Here we are. 

Regards?

Love?

Jeremy

PS. Tell Emily she can have the letters only once I leave this earth. There are some things I don’t want her to read about her young and randy parents. 

……………………………………………..

17 October 2022

Dearest Jeremy

Your last letter brought many good memories with a tinge of sadness too. It’s true I missed you when you were out at sea on deployment. I’d wait for the mail to arrive every day and count down the days until you were back in port so that we could start our lives together.  

I read your letter out loud to the kids and I’m happy to say that it’s now Emily who checks the letterbox every day. She told me she could not wait for the next instalment and felt like it was waiting for the next Netflix series episode “to drop”.

“Unfortunately you can’t binge with letter writing,” I told her.

“It will be if James and I get a hold of the boxes of Dad’s letters,” she responded. “We will binge-read the entire lot!” 

Jeremy, now that we’re sharing secrets, I’ve got a little secret for you.  

I have kept all your letters too.

Love

Leonie

……………………………………………..

18 October 2022

Dear Jeremy

Just a quick one to follow up on yesterday’s letter to you. 

After I read it out, Emily screamed. 

The kids dropped their phones and ran around the house, looked in bookshelves and opened cupboards and wardrobes to find my hiding place for your letters. Emily pleaded with me to tell me where I’d hidden them. I chuckled but didn’t tell her. 

Finally, I think they’re getting it. The power of writing, reading waiting for handwritten letters. 

Love 

Leonie

……………………………………………..

 23 October 2022

Dear Leonie

Now it’s my turn to be surprised. I wasn’t expecting this either. However, I’m also thankful that my letters to you over those years weren’t lost or destroyed. 

Maybe deep down in our hearts, we knew that when we express our wishes, hopes and desires on paper for a loved one’s eyes, we give a little part of ourselves away too. It seems wrong to destroy the letter because it’s like hurting the other person. That’s the power of writing hand-written letters. 

Who would have thought that this little experiment of yours not only revealed our secrets but held the attention of our son and daughter?  

We may not have made our marriage work but I am proud that the children have a mother who cares for them and helps them learn and understand the changing world around them. Maybe it’s time for us to talk about the letters and what we will do with them.  

Let’s see what Emily and James have to say. 

Yours Aye

Jeremy

PS. I had to get that in for the last time. I take it we will go back to texting again after this letter? I’ll come by Saturday morning to pick the kids up and bring them here for the weekend. I want them to write a letter to someone too but I know that I’d be pushing my luck there.  

Insert smiley emoji face.