The Cognac Remedy

The 2011 Ford Fiesta known for its custom paint, The yellow blaze, sped into the parking lot and squeal to an abrupt stop in the Employee of the Month parking Spot. Gerald grabbed his lanyard with his key card attached and while heading to the security door, he clicked his key fob and securely locked the Yellow Blaze. 

A small portly man was standing beside the key swipe as Gerald approached. “Do you work here??” the man sharply demanded.

“What do you think!” Gerald laughed as he swiped his key card and grabbed the door handle.

“Filth!” The portly man spat.

Gerald didn’t bother to respond. Telemarketing wasn't everyone's cup of tea. Every now and then one of the people or a relative of one of the people signed up for subscription service and automatic payments showed up on the front step of the call center. 

This time however the portly man grabbed the door. “You can't come in.” Gerald told him. 

“Oh yeah. Stop me.” The portly man said as he and Gerald grappled in the entry way. Security guards emerged from the front desk. Soon over powering the portly man and detaining him for police. Gerald shook it off and headed in past the security check point. He had one minute to log in to his computer or be marked tardy which would penalize him on his paycheck. 

Gerald lived for his bonus money but the company had numerous ways of denying bonuses. One was logging in past your start time and they didn’t make allowances for being piggy backed through the front door by an angry consumer. Which being piggy backed in the security door can lead to termination.

Which is why an hour into Gerald’s shift he wasn't surprised at being instructed to Aux out into Coaching and report to his manager.

Beni asked, “Anything to say about this morning?”

Gerald countered with, “Crazy people. Not my problem.”

“He came in on your key entry.” Beni stated in a droll manner as he usually did when enforcing Policy.

“I didn't invite him. I told him he couldn't come in.” Gerald was uncomfortable with this conversation. 

“Security says different.” Beni stated.

“Well tell security it’s not my job to wrestle crazy people at the front door. I did what I could and then left it to the professionals.” Gerald didn't like the way this conversation was going. He'd worked hard all quarter to make quota on the Ski package promotion and knew he wouldn’t get his bonus if terminated.

“I'm afraid we can't allow piggy backing on the key card entry. It’s a security violation and immediate termination.” Beni stated.

“You have to be joking! I'm your best salesman on the Ski package! I've ranked number one this whole quarter if you fire me today I won't see my bonus.” Gerald pleaded.

“It's policy, my hands are tied. You should know several higher ups wanted to have you arrested along with Mister Kim.”

“Who? Who is Mister Kim? What do you mean arrested?!” Gerald was surprised and shocked. 

“Mister Kim is the gentleman who you let through the door.” Beni explained.

“I didn't let anyone through the door! He pushed his way in.” Gerald growled at the unfair accusation.

“It’s out of my hands.” Beni was resigned. “ A security guard will escort you out. Your key card has been deactivated and you should count yourself lucky you are not going to jail.”

Gerald was beginning to have palpitations. A guard grabbed him by the arm and escorted him to the same main entryway he'd entered a little more than an hour ago. After he was out the door a second guard handed him a box. They had cleaned out his desk and his locker and his personal items were in the box. Gerald’s mouth gaped like a big mouth bass caught on a fishing line. 

The door shut and Gerald stood there dumbstruck. A throat cleared behind him and a middle aged Asian man in a suit stood behind him. 

“It would seem no good deed goes unpunished. I understand from Mister Kim that you stood in his way of confronting someone about his mother being billed for a Ski subscription on her credit card.” The Asian man spoke amicably.

“No thanks to Mister Kim, I’ve lost my job!” Gerald blurted.

“Oh my. That's no way to treat the best salesman they had. You could sell ice cubes to eskimos!” Detective Yugami mused.

Gerald was skeptical and unsure of the Asian man. “What do you know about it?”

“Beg my pardon. I am Detective Yugami. I am assigned to investigate Mister Kim's allegations about this company's sales practices.” He politely explained. 

“Good luck. It doesn't concern me anymore.” Gerald huffed. Going to the Yellow Blaze, clicking the key fob so the back opened up and placing the box containing his belongings inside. 

Gerald ignored the bright eyes of the observant detective and slammed the truck door before stomping over to the driver's side and getting in to the Yellow Blaze. He backed up carefully as Detective Yugami never moved he just looked on attentively. 

**************************

 “I am the greatest salesman of them all!” Bellowed Gerald sitting unsteady on the bar stool. “Even when they say no, they say yes. Give me your credit card number, you can cancel at anytime. “ Gerald chuckled at the last line of his spiel. No one could ever cancel, the legal department had made it iron clad. 

Gerald tottered as he laughed and his cheeks got rosey from his self amusements. “But I don't need a Ski package I'm 87! 87 years young at heart, you need to give yourself a reason to get out in the fresh air. Skiing is good for you at any age. Blah blah blah, Sorry suckers.” Gerald smiled with his eyes closed dreaming of his commission checks. Then he frowned. He'd miss those commission checks. It was too unfair to be fired over some kerflaffle with a crazy guy. 

When Gerald opened his eyes he was startled to see the bartender. The bartender had whiskers. Gerald focused his eyes and this time he fell off the barstool. Nearby patrons helped him up off the floor. “Did you see,” he slurred,” That bartender was a fox!”

One of the patrons slapped Gerald on the back. “I'm sure she is after a bottle of Cognac, my friend.”

Gerald took a moment to decipher the statement. “Noooo.” Gerald slurred. “The bartender was a fox not a fox.” Gerald couldn't seem to get the patrons to comprehend his meaning.

Only Gerald could see the bartender. Only Gerald could see the features and fur of a fox. More animal than human. But then the bartender said,” I think you've had enough for tonight.” “Nooo.” Gerald slurred, “I was just getting started.” Gerald didn't want to call it a night even if he was having delusions and seeing a fox. A fox with 9 tails! Gerald stared and counted the furry posterior again just to make sure. Gerald was losing more than his job today he was losing his mind. 

“What’s your name?” Gerald inquired.

The mesmerizing bartender with the fox features replied, “Kage.”

“Kage. Do you know you look like a fox?” Gerald giggled while finishing his drink.

Kage smiled a sly smile, “All the better to eat you.” Gerald shivered. Something about the way she said that struck a tremor of fear. “You wouldn't really eat me.” Gerald attempted to confirm without sounding fearful. But Kage merely smirked a knowing smile which was uncomforting in every way. 

Gerald breathed heavily and decided against another cognac. He was unsteady on his feet but slowly made his way out of the crowded bar to the parking area where he stood staring at the Yellow Blaze. 

Which was now covered in red painted vulgar slurs. Vandals! Gerald’s insides burned with emotion! Gerald let out a screech. 

*******************************

Detective Yugami looked over the scene. Fire engines, ambulance, a police barricade keeping the bystanders at bay. He spotted Kang at once and walked over to her.

“Ah, I'm surprised to see you here.” Kang smiled her sly smile. “I didn’t touch him. Honest.”

“Oh, really. Miss Kim, am I to believe that this is merely coincidence that the salesman of the month is a pile of cinders over there and you didn't use your firepowers to roast him.”

Miss Kang Kim’s eyes shined in the moonlight, her fox features giving her a feminine appearance but her 9 tails giving away her status as Kitsune. “I swear I planned to eat him, slowly, in the coming dawn.” Detective Yugami believed her.

He walked over to pile of ashy remains next to the vandalized mess formerly known as the Yellow Blaze. “Any theories?” He inquired to the Fire Marshal. 

“Spontaneous Human Combustion. Rare but it fits the witness descriptions.” The Fire Marshal sighed.

Detective Yugami raised an eyebrow. “Spontaneous Human Combustion??”

The Fire Marshal explained, “He was drinking heavily in the bar. It’s rare but there's precedents.”

Detective Yugami smiled. Well it beats trying to explain to his superiors that Gerald was a slippery telemarketer who sold multiple “Ski subscription package to an 87 year old grandmother” who was way older than time itself, an elder of the Kitsune. That the shape shifting clan was on the warpath after finding out their matron had been being repeatedly billed and every attempt to cancel had been fruitless. 

Detective Yugami stroked his chin fur. He wondered which one of his kin had done the dirty deed and hit the cognac soaked salesman with kitsunebi, Fox Fire.