A Life Leason

 Boy, sit down and let me tell you a story. It’ll change your life forever if you open your heart and truly listen to what I am about to tell you. “Yes grandpa,” said Robby.

 Once upon a time I meet the most beautiful woman in the world. She stood roughly 5 feet 1 inch and had long silky smooth black curly hair, bright green eyes and sun kissed soft smooth skin. She was my high school sweetheart and I fell for her hard when I first saw her. I fell harder than someone falling down a metal stairs case. I knew right then and there that I was going to marry her. I was far too nervous to talk to her, every time I tried my heart would race, my palms would get all sweaty, I became sick to my stomach. I remember the day I finally got up the courage to ask her out. I almost puked on her shoes; I was that nervous. I found out her favorite food was pizza and I wanted to take her to my favorite pizza place called John’s Pizzeria. I knew she was new to town and probably haven’t gone there yet so I wanted her to always remember our first date. I was hoping beyond hope that it wouldn’t end at our first date, I knew I really had to impress her. That day was the best day of my life, she was funnier than I could ever have imagined. Smart beyond her years, I felt so inadequate compared to her. I knew that I needed to be a better person to even be half the man she needed. It took me 2 years after that to ask her out again. I spent that time growing up, graduating high school, getting a good job and just being friends with her. I watched as she suffered through crappy boyfriend after crappy boyfriend. It broke my heart seeing her go through all that, but I knew I wasn’t the man she needed yet. I was still working on myself.

 After 2 years I finally asked her back out and even though she was very hesitant to say yes because we were great friends and she was afraid that dating me would ruin the relationship, that she would lose her best friend. I was beyond happy that I can now show her that I am the man she needed and wanted. That I wouldn’t cause her the heart ache that she has gone through. I was going to show her that I was different. I was excited that I could finally tell her that I loved her, but I knew that I couldn’t say it so soon, so I knew had to wait. The wait was well worth it, I still remember the day I finally told her those magic words. It was roughly 1 year after we started dating. It was no different than high school, my palms were sweaty, my heart racing, I was sick to my stomach. I almost didn’t tell her because I was afraid that she wouldn’t feel the same way, that she would say she wasn’t ready and break up with me. The day came and I took her to an amazing restaurant, the table had red rose petals all over the place. Lit candles on the table, romantic music softly playing in the background. It was the perfect place and I felt it was the perfect time to tell her I love you; I have always loved you; I will always love you. I want to spend the rest of my life with you. I wish I could tell you how I feel, the feeling I have in my heart for you, but no words exist. The only thing I can tell you is that with you my life is better, I feel like I am where I am supposed to be, I can see my future in your eyes. Whenever I am having a bad day, you are the only one I want to talk to. Sitting there spilling my heart to her and all she could do was smile at me which made my nervous stomach so much worse. As she sat there, not saying anything at all I was fully prepared for her to get up and leave. I was on the edge of tears when she finally spoke the best words I could ever hear. “It is about time you told me how you felt, because I love you too, but I was too afraid to say anything.”

 The following year we got engaged, a year later we were married. I was 22 and she was 21 when we tied the knot, for next two years we had our ups and downs like any marriage. Two years later your dad and aunt were brought into this world. The moment we found out that we were becoming parents was beyond pure joy. We didn’t think our lives could get any better. We spent the next 8 months getting prepared and trying to come up with names.  We couldn’t be happier. Life was great, I had a great paying job, I had a beautiful wife and children on the way. I wanted two kids and she wanted three, so we felt that everything was working out and on track. Then everything went belly up. I made the biggest mistake of my life. I live with that guilt; it eats me up every day. That is why I am telling you this whole story; I want to stop you from making the same mistake I did.

 Other than your grandma, me and our marriage counselor, you will be the only other person who knows anything about this. I really hope you don’t hate me or look at me differently, I had to spend many years making up for what I did. I can try to blame it on being young and stupid but that’s no excuse. What I did was unforgivable, I however got lucky and was forgiven and given another chance. I will always suffer the consequences of my actions and the pain I caused my wife and kids. Your dad and aunt were too little to remember, and it is for the best. I learned the hard way that the grass isn’t always greener on the other side, and I almost lost everything that I truly loved in the process.

 I remember it like it was yesterday, a very beautiful woman walked into my job site. When I say beautiful, I mean beauty that was out of this world. She had beauty that you never seen from anyone. Her eyes were beyond blue they were a light icy blue that could see into your soul. Long blonde wavey hair and red plump lips that spoke to me. I felt like she had a spell on me. I couldn’t help but to stare. She had legs that could go on for days. When she looked at me it was like she only saw me and was looking deep inside my soul. I felt myself start to tremble; my knees became shaky. I had to turn from her to regain myself. I had to remind myself that I was married with kids. After a while I stopped trying to look away, she became my every thought. I started to picture what like would be like to be married to her. What it would be like to be with her sexually. I knew I had to stop thinking like that, but I couldn't.

 After a while I decided to take a few days off work, try to get my mind off her. It started to become harder to come home to my ordinary wife and her ordinary looks, when she was at the office just begging me to stay at work.

 “Please tell me you didn’t cheat on my sweet grandma!” Said Robby. Hush boy, you will find out everything in time, just listen before I chicken out and not tell you everything. “Sorry.” Now where was I?

 Oh yeah, I kept finding things for her to do to keep her at the office so I can also stay late. I needed every second with her. I was falling in love with her, with every little thing she did. The way she laughed, the way she smelled, the way she smiled, the way she moved, everything. It was like I was a lost puppy needing someone to love me. After months of staying late and pining over her I finally asked her out. She asked if I was married because she seen my wedding band. Of course, I lied and told her sadly no, my wife died a couple of years ago and I have not taken it off yet. I made sure to take her on dates out of town, even got an apartment in the next town over. I had her believing that I was a free man, without every once giving any thought to my wife and kids.

 At that time, I never once felt guilty for doing what I was doing. Your grandma thought that I was working late and going on out of town meetings. She never saw my paycheck, so she never knew I was laying. It was the best year of my life. I never felt more alive than at that moment in time. She made me feel things that I have never felt before. She had ready to fill for a divorce so I could be with her forever. She kept talking about our future together and the way she talked about it made it sound so nice and cozy that I almost couldn’t resist it. She had more powers over me than anyone else has ever had. I was so lost in this fantasy world that I missed my own kids’ first birthdays. I miss their first words and first steps. I was so head over heels in love with this woman that I didn’t even realize that she was draining my bank account, she was taking me for everything I had. I have no idea what she did with my money and the only reason I realized what was going on was when my wife called me at work and said we needed to talk. Oh boy did I dread that conversation.

 Apparently, your grandma came across my bank statement and saw that we were very low on money and was wanting to know what was going on. If I am working all the time and she is the only one getting all the groceries and paying the bills, then how are we broke. I wanted so badly to lie to her, but I couldn’t do it. I finally broke down and told her the truth. I could not bring myself to look at her the minute the words left my mouth. I was ashamed of myself, and I knew she hated me. The disappointed look in her eyes killed me. I felt like I was being stabbed in the heart with an ice pick so I could only imagine how she felt. I told her that I love her and that I was sorry for what I did, and I wouldn’t blame her if she chose to leave me. I told her that I didn’t know what came over me, that I have no good excuse for doing what I did. With tears streaming down her face, she told me that it was time I pack my stuff and leave the house and the kids, that she needed time to think. I knew what I did was wrong, so I did not beg her to stay or even to give me a second chance.

 After months of only seeing her long enough to pick up and drop off my kids your grandma decided she wanted a divorce. I knew it was coming but it still broke my heart. After filling for divorce she met a man, I was happy for her but sad for me. I didn’t want to live any more. I wanted my family back; I wanted the man I use to be back. To this day I do not know what happened between her and the new man, all I know is that when we went to court, she asked the judge to put a hold on the case she wanted to try counseling with me if I agreed to it. I instantly agreed, I would have done anything she asked to win her back. Several months with the therapist we agreed to try it again. With a different outlook on everything and vowing to never step out again I knew this time it was forever. I have no idea why I did what I did and every day I am thankful for my second chance. I have no idea where I would be if I had stayed with that other woman and no idea where I’d be if I wasn’t giving a second chance. All because I thought that life would be better with her, that I would be happier with her, I managed to ruin everything. I don’t know what I was thinking giving this other woman the man your grandmother deserved. Your grandmother as you know treats me like a king and I took advantage of that. For some stupid reason I thought that what I had wasn’t good enough, that I could find better. I was beyond stupid, no one could even compare to my loving wife, no one could care for me like her.

 It took years for me to earn my trust back. For years she drove me to and from work, she took all my paychecks, she made us move to a town several hundred miles away. It took a long, long time before she treated me like she use to and I don’t blame her, but now I know that after all that I have finally became the man she wants. After I gained my trust back, I never changed, I still gave her my checks and we still went together everywhere. All of this has brought us closer together and for that I am thankful.

 I told you this to tell you that I see what is in your eyes, I see the way you look at your wife I see the way you looked at the woman at the restaurant. I can tell you with personal experience that the grass isn’t always greener on the other side. You can ruin everything that you have worked for in a blink of an eye. Always make sure of what you want before doing something stupid like me. Do not drag your family through the mud and make them look like fools like I did. I want you to look at yourself, wife, kids through a new set of eyes. See the harm you can cause yourself and your family. You might not get lucky and get a second chance, you might lose everything. You might even love the new life, but you will always feel bad about the pain you caused if you choose to go about it the wrong way. Always remember to be true to yourself and to others, never take anyone for granted, never make fools out of anyone.