Doctor in the House

DOCTOR IN THE HOUSE

Dr. Vinny Polk wanted to cry as he was led to his cell. Ten years. How could he do 10 years? Once impeccably dressed . . . neatly pressed slacks and crisp shirts with cufflinks he shuddered to think of how he looked in prison garb. As he was shoved in his cell and the door banged behind him an enormous man with a shaven head, enormous bulging muscles and a large collection of tattoos looked up his bed.

Oh, God thought Vinny this is like the movies you see about big bubbas making you their bitch. I bet his name really is Bubba.

“So, what you in for fancy man?”      

“I'm not a fancy man,” he began.

           “You rich, aint you?”

Vinny sighed. “Well, I was until just recently, but I don’t think I will be by the time I get out of here.”

           “How many years you got.

           “Ten.”

“I asked you what you in for?” said ‘Bubba.’

           “Euthanasia.”

‘Bubba’s’ pocked marked face wrinkled in confusion. “Euthanasia? You went to China when you wasn’t supposed to? And you got ten years? ” He chuckled. “Ten years for gonna China. Ain’t that a thing?”

“No, no,” said Vinny. “Euthanasia is assisted suicide.”

           “That’s death ain’t it?”         

Vinny almost said, “Yes Bubba,” but stopped himself in time. “You are correct. It is death.”           

“Well, why didn’t you just say you offed some mope like the rest of us insteada using some high class way of saying it?”

“No, no. I'm not a murderer although I'm considered a murderer. I help people die.”             

“Hey,” said Bubba. “I’m tellin’ you say it like it is.” He laughed. “A whole lot of us guys in here fuckin’ help people die too.”

           Vinny tried again. “I'm a doctor and some people who are dying or are in terrible pain or disabled come to me and ask to die. But it’s not legal.”

           “Murder ain’t ever legal.”

“I know but I do it because I believe it’s the right thing to do.”             

“Ah dude, like I said we done our business cuz we felt we was doing the right thing too. Only thing the judge didn’t agree.”

           Vinny nodded. “But I really believe people have the right to end their lives if they want to.”

           “That ain’t right,” said ‘Bubba’. “I went to catholic school and that’s a sin.”

           Vinny wanted to point out that so was murder, but he thought it wise to remain silent.

           “I also went to catholic school, and I also learned that it was a sin, but I think a bigger sin is to let someone suffer.”

           Bubba was silent for a minute.

           Then he spoke. “So, how’s this killing thing work?”

           Just then two men almost identical to Bubba walked by the cell accompanied by a guard. They ignored Vinny.

           “Hey, we’re goin’ outside. Comin’?”

           The larger of the two laughed. “I needa get in shape case I wannna practice on some mope and carve up his fucking face.”

           Vinny tried not to shudder.

           “Nah, I'm good. See you later.”

The men nodded bba and drifted off. 

           “So, you want to know how I conduct my assisted suicides.”

“Yeah.”          

“I inject my patient with a drug that will let them fall asleep peacefully, and, die.”            

“Sorry doc, I can’t get my head around that. What kinda people off theyselves. People we deal with don’t wanna die.”

           Vinny wanted to say, so why do you kill them? But he knew he had to be very careful what he said.  

           “The people I assist are in unbearable pain, their quality of life has gone, or they have a month or two to live and they want to go while they can still say goodbye to their families. Some don’t want to be a burden on their families. The last person I assisted and was arrested for had locked in syndrome.”

           “What’s that?”

           “The body does not move at all. The person knows what’s going on but cannot move even finger. And they will remain that way until they die, however long it takes.”

           “They can’t move nothin’?”

           “Nothing. It’s like being completely paralyzed.”

           ‘Bubba’ shuddered. “Now that’s somethin’ I hope never happens to me.”

           “That’s what everyone hopes but, what if it did? You’re stuck. Another patient I helped had lost all four limbs to fasciitis.”

           “Speak English.”

           “A form of sepsis. The disease literally eats the body starting with the hands and feet and goes on from there.”

           “Oh, Jeez I don’t wanna hear no more. Givin’ me nightmares.”

           “But do you see why I do what I do?”

“Well, a little. But what if someone’s set them people up and you go killin’ them?”

           “That doesn’t happen because I only deal with people who can speak for themselves. Plus, their conditions are quite visible to see.”  

           “But it’s wrong. Letting them, no you said you help them kill theyselves. That just ain’t right.”      

This from a man who probably murders people for a living. Not sure what to answer to that Vinny introduced himself. “By the way my name is Dr. Vinny Polk, what’s yours?”

           “Medford Bennington Caruthers III, but I mostly get called Med.”

           Just in time Vinny closed his mouth, so it didn’t drop open in his surprise. So, not Bubba after all. Medford Bennington Caruthers III. Who would have thought it? And dear God, there were or still are two more of him out there.

           “Do you have kids, Med?”

           “Nah, not yet.”

           Then there’s still hope for the human race.

           “But I got the sweetest pit. God I miss him.”

           Vinny saw his chance. “So, if your sweet pit got sick and was dying in pain what would you do?”

           Med teared up. “Take him to the vet I guess.”

           “And have him put down.”

           “Yeah, but I don’t like to think about that.”

           “Oh, nobody does Med, but what if the vet said no. He has to die of the disease however long it takes.”

           Med almost spluttered. “That’s wrong and I’d fucking kill the vet. Wait, a vet can do that?”

           “No, a vet would never do that. But what if I offered to put your sweet pit out of his misery even if it’s considered illegal.”

           Med’s eyes grew big, and he looked around the room before answering. “That’s messed up.”

           Vinny nodded. “Yes, I know. It’s very messed up. That’s why I do what I do.”

           “This unaasia thing.”

           “Yes, euthanasia.”

           “Like when my favorite horse got hurt and my grandpa had to shoot him. He didn’t have no choice. But it broke my fucking heart. Worst day of my life. Hid in my room until it was over.” Med pointed to the tattoo on his left arm. “I got me a horseshoe tat to remind me of her. Beautiful horse she was. Got her when I was ten.”

Vinny sincerely hoped that Med hadn’t murdered his grandfather. “See we can euthanize our pets because we love them and don’t want them to suffer so why can’t we do the same for our loved ones? If our animals could speak they’d be begging us to die. Have you never known someone who fit that description of begging to die?”

           Tears up again. “Damn, I'm gonna have to kill you you keep making me cry. Now you’re making me think about my grandma and how she died.” He stopped.

           “Take your time and tell me about it.”   

“Don’t want none of them others seeing me crying like a girl.”

           “And they won’t. We’re alone.” To give Med some time Vinny asked about his life on the farm. “You grew up on a farm?”

           Med shook his head. “Nah, I spent summers at my grandpa and grandma’s farm. He and my grandma was good to me. Best years of my life except for the killin’. But my grandma died of cancer. It hurt her so bad, and I don’t damn know why hospitals don’t give proper pain meds when they know their patients are sufferin’.”

           “Med, I would have helped your grandma.”

           “You would?”

           “That is the kind of thing I do. You would have come to me and told me she was suffering, and I would have suggested my method, and you could have held her hand as I administered the drug, and she would have died with a smile on her face.”

           Med sat for a few minutes thinking.

           “So, tell me about the two guys who stopped by here. What’s their story?” Vinny was hoping that Med would tell him why he was in prison.

           “Well, Joey Burke is the guy with the messed up face. He’s in for doing a cop when he was trying to get away from a b&e. And the other guy is Jimmy the Fish. Never can pronounce his last name. some fucking foreign name with lots of ks and ys and shit. He offed his old lady and kid when he and his woman split up. She took the boy away and he weren’t having it.”

           This time Vinny couldn’t stop the shudder.

           Med saw and nodded. “Yeah, I mighta done the bitch but not the fucking kid. He’s okay mostly but he can get pissed at nothin.”

           Vinny looked at him.

           “What?”

           Vinny said nothing and just kept looking at him.

           Med smiled. “Ah, you wanna know about me.”

           Vinny nodded.

           “Okay, I got in trouble with some money I owed. The guy I owed it to said it was either me gettin’ shot or I go take care of what he called one of his nuisances. That was code for me to off this guy.”

           Med stopped and looked around the room.

           “And you did?”

           Med nodded. “I did.”

           “How did you get caught?”

           “Believe it or not doc, I didn’t really wanna take this guy out, but I also didn’t want die neither and I guess I was sweating a lot and they got my DNA from me sweating all over the dude. “So how many people you done that way?”

           “Seven.”

           “So, looks like you had it working for you.”

Vinny sighed. “I did.”

“So, what went wrong? How’dja get caught?”

“A relative didn’t want her sister with the locked in syndrome to go through with it, but the sister was in such bad shape. She really wanted to die. So, I went through with my usual procedure and her sister called the cops and I was arrested.”

Med nodded his head several times.

“I can see you’re not sure if I should have or should not.”

Med nodded. “I am to tell the truth. Hey, I ain’t completely made up my mind, but ima think about it some more. Okay?”

           Vinny smiled. “That’s very okay.”

           A deafening buzzer went off.

           “Hey, it’s time for lunch.”

As they walked to the dining room, Med spoke quietly to Vinny.  “Now this is what you gotta do, you gotta say you killed your patients or somethin’ cuz they was obnoxious. You can’t tell him you did somethin’ mamby pamby like stick a needle in ‘em and held their fucking hand. You gave ‘em a poison and you enjoyed their death. And you killed a few more than 7. Try 20 or something.”