Luna

I hold a fear deep in my heart. Luna is here, watching me, shaking her head at every mistake I have made. She reeks of disappointment, in seeing what a waste I have become. As the sun descends behind me, and the moon begins to ascend in front of me, I cannot help but know this to be true. 

My breath becomes fog the second it leaves my lips, and each step I take shatters the silence of a quiet street. My fingers rustle through my worn jacket and search the many pockets, finding everything but what they are after. The tips exposed through woollen gloves, feeling their way through until…

'Fuck yeah' I mutter. Pinched between my fingers lay a crumpled cigarette, hanging it from my lips I lay my fingertip against it and a small flame lights the end. Smoke joined the fog leaving my lungs, as I meandered through the quiet streets.  

The end of the cigarette raced towards my lips, reaching its final destination as I did mine. Stepping over my knee-high gate, I flicked the butt into a tin surrounded by half-smoked cigarettes to join an ever-growing pile of cancer sticks. I grab the door handle and twist, no-budge.

'God damn it,' I cursed. Patting my pockets down for the keys I likely don't have, I catch a glimpse of them. As per, they are sitting just inside, taunting me in the light I forgot to turn off. I flick the doormat up, hoping to find my spare key, but instead, a note lies there.

'IOU one key -lio'

Course I didn't put the key back. Typical. Walking around the edges of my house through my forest trees, veggies, flowers and bushes grow together in a perfect symphony. A rusted axe lay buried in a tree stump at the edge of my property, logs split but not stacked lay scattered around. Hundreds of acres lay behind the fence, a small slice of wilderness left in the world. Following the walls of my house, I end up at my backup entry, a window I sometimes lock. I grab the underneath of the window and yank it up, where it slides open just enough for me to get through. Gripping the shoulder-high ledge I jump and push myself through in one not-so-fluid motion. The windowsill lay pressed against my stomach as my body worms its way down.

'Shit, shit, shit, shit!' I yelled as I wiggled one wiggle too many and fell head-first onto the floorboards. My head swimming, slowly I push myself up, trying to shake the fog the fall caused. Stumbling through my home I dodge the hoarder's collection of old antiquites. I avoid the stacks of books of various ages surrounding a couch full of burn holes and covered in stains. A typewriter sat on a coffee table opposite the couch, glasses, mugs and plates cover the rest. In front of it all is a fireplace with Embers giving the room a dying warmth as the cold creeps in.  

I throw my jacket and gloves off onto the ground and throw more wood on the fire, giving it a little extra boost of heat from my hands. Lighting a new cigarette I collapse on the couch, and let out a great sigh of relief. 

My hands grab my jacket, and rifle through the pockets, searching for today's plunder. Sitting inside one of the pockets is a sheet covered in what looks like tiny stamps with cartoon graphics of an ape on a horse with machine guns. An excellent sign of the night to come. I pull the sheet in half, fold it into a ball and place it under my tongue. Sinking back into the couch, the fire crackles heating the tiny shack. I ash my cigarette against the back of my hand and wait for the copious amount of drugs I have taken drugs to take over.

Not long after they kick in, the walls and floor start to move, folding, melding twisting and turning back onto itself. Each colour around the room works in perfect unison, shining, flickering and flashing to create the most vibrant forms. Flames danced across my hands, a perfect performance of incredible skill, sucking me in with every moment. But as I watched the flames, my thoughts began to wander, leapfrogging from one to the next. Cascading down a terrible tunnel. 

It's pretty cool I can do flame things.

Of course I can, I am quite literally the spirit of the sun.

Luna.

Fighting back the knife twisting in my gut at the very thought I tried to ground myself in the room, to no avail. It began to shift again; trees broke through the walls, grass sprouted through the ground, and the stars sat where the roof once was.

I'm watching her hands brush my cheek, and her lips lay a kiss on my neck. I can see myself bouncing my leg, eyes darting everywhere but her face. 

'What's wrong?' she asks. Gently probing for the reason of my obvious anxiety. 

'I just…' I start, 'I just uhm.' I'm watching myself fail, watching myself fumble for the perfect words. 

'I just can't anymore.' I finally spit out. Her face shifts, concern and worry flash across her face.  

'What…what do you mean?' she replies. I see us both sit up, remembering how the distance between us had suddenly grown impassable. 

'I don't want to live off stolen time, I, it's just not enough,' I continue. 'We can do it! We can leave and just live here on earth. We can live together, swim, eat, dance and be merry! You don't have to go back to the moon, I don't have to go back to the sun! we can watch the world grow together, here!' Luna shifts away, hiding her face from both versions of me. 

‘I just wish we could stay here forever’ I add. 

‘I dont’

A noise breaks me from my trance and the room returns to the shifting palate of colours and movement. I turn towards the front door, and a hand reaches through a broken window, unlocking the entrance with ease. It swings open and three creatures come through. A Snake-like man slithers in, his eyes sunken slits in their sockets, fangs shine in his mouth, and each limb morphs between human and Snake-like tendrils. The second, was a wolf-like man who had fur spread out across his body, claws growing from his hands, and face shifting from human to wolf, but kept in a cruel snarl. The last was a great hulk of a man, every aspect of him screamed gorilla. Long arms dragging on the floor, every muscle ginormous, a leather-like plating over his chest, and giant fists with scar-covered knuckles. 

All I could think watching them wander in was 'Holy shit, I've had way too much acid.' 

'Hello Lio' Snakeman hisses, and the three meander through the hallway.

'Hey?' I reply, partially confused, mostly terrified. Wolfman trots over to the backdoor, Gorillaman sits on the arm of the couch next to me, Snakeman slithers in front of me.

'Where is it?' he asks. 

'Where's what?' 

'The drugs'

'What drugs?' I reply, just as confused as earlier. Snakeman gives gorillaman a nod, and THWACK! He swung his burling fist at my jaw, quick and bloody hard, sending my head towards the other armrest on the couch.

 Snakeman's hands slither around my kneck, coiling, constricting around, squeezing the air from my lungs and lifting me back up straight.

I can hear myself yelling words, tears streaming down her face. I want to stop myself, to pull the fragmented sentence back into me, but I cannot. All I can do is watch her wince at the words I spit. I know what words I said, the bitterness fueling their cruel nature. I wish there were something to blame, but there isn't. Every word spoken was one I said of my own accord, nothing but a reflection of my horrible nature. 

'Where is it?' Snakeman hisses, snapping me back. 

'Fuck you Snakeman' I wheeze. My lungs burn as the idea of air becomes a distant memory. 

'Snakeman? The fucks this cooker talking about?' Wolfman asks.  

'Who knows,' Snakeman replies. He lets my neck go, I try to suck in as much air my lungs can take, flooding their gates. 

'Where's the fucking drugs?' Snakeman said. I shrug in reply, and another fist slams into my head. The Gorillaman grabs me by the collar and lifts me off the ground. 

'Where,' He grunts. I spit a mix of blood and phlegm into his face, grinning as he reels back in disgust. Roaring he slams me through the coffee table, Snakeman jumps out of the way barely in time. Glass is shattered everywhere, splinters of the table puncture my torso, the typewriter keys litter the ground, my face a mashed-up painting smeared in blood.

Pain rips my body apart and I watch Luna leave, returning to her home in the night sky. A guttural scream leaves my lungs, my body falls to the floor, I'm on all fours, tears streaming down my face. Waves of pain wash over me, and I'm drowning, sinking further and further into the depths, I don't know which way is up. Smoke fills my lungs, I can't breathe, I'm heaving, coughing, screaming, crying, and then darkness…

'What…what the fuck is going on?' Snakeman yells, pulling me from the past. He reels back from me, eyes wide in terror.

My body was aflame, clothes ash on the floor, the couch on the road to the same fate.

'Shit Doug! what did you do?' said Wolfman, seemingly pulling a gun from nowhere. 

'I…I don…' Leaping out of the chair I cut his sentence short, my hands wrap around his neck. The Snake's skin sizzled under my touch, pouring anger into heat my hands burn through his neck, his brain cooked inside his head. It rolls off and splats on the ground like a cooked pumpkin, I let his body drop limp on the floor, smoking and unmoving. A loud BANG blasts, Wolfman had shot through my shoulder, taking a step towards him I'm stopped by a groan behind me. Gorrillaman lies blubbering on the ground as blood weeps from a bullet hole in his chest. 

 Using Gorillamans death as a distraction, Wolfman had escaped through the backdoor. I chase after him, the flames slowly disappear off my body, replaced by a different kind of fire.

I see Wolfman bounding over the gate and fleeing into the forest. The path clear and easy, Wolfman in his fear and terror left a trail of broken branches even a blind man could follow. Faces in the trees watch us, whispering secrets, their anticipation is palpable, a thirst for blood radiating from their every branch, each root waiting desperately to drink the blood of the fallen.

Following his panicked breath I find him on all fours, trying to catch his breath. A branch snaps on the other side of him, spinning around gunshots ring out, his snout illuminated by the short flashes. He turns, terror dripping off his face, waiting for me to come. I creep towards him, sneaking through the moving bushes, waiting for the perfect moment to pounce. He turns the gun to the side, and wham! I pounce from the bushes, swinging the axe up, I tear the gun from paw. The trees screaming and cheering for a winner. He lurches towards me, sidstepping his meatpaws I slam the flat end of the axe against the side of his head. The trees cry out in jubilation, each rustle and creak screams for blood. I will not disappoint. 

Wolf-Man whimpers at my feet, 'Please, please, don't, I don't…' My axe tearing through his skull leaves his words floating through the air. It stays buried in his head, and I see my face reflected at me. Liftimes of my ineptitude stare me in the eye.

I see myself waking naked and alone in a burnt forest. I look scared and confused, and I remember hoping what happened the night before was a dream, but I was not so lucky. I had done it. I severed myself from the Sun, abandoned Luna, and could do nothing to repair the damage I had done. What little good I had burned away with the last of her touch. I see myself sitting up, tears filling both our eyes, and I watch myself walk off, abandoning hope with the last of the dying embers. 

 I rip the axe back from his head and slam it back down. over and over again until the axe is digging into the dirt. its blood-soaked handle slips from my hand and lies next to its victim, the rust hidden behind the veil of Wolfman's brains. 

Blood covers my naked body, covering me in crimson red, soaking into my body and staining my soul. The trees are quiet now, leaving me with nothing but the soft drip of blood slipping off me. The moon shines down on me in the sky, she's watching me naked and smeared in blood. Bending down I rummage through Wolfman's pockets, stealing a dead dog's cigarette. It sits from my lips and I collapse into a pool of moonlight shining through the trees.

Tears mixed with blood seep into the dirt as I lay huddled in the moonlight. I feel its tendrils wash over me, almost, almost a breath of her touch, and the ghost of her kiss haunts my lips. The moonlight is the closest I can get to her touch again, a frightful fragment of what once was, and a horrible reminder of what will never be. I know she can see me above, watching me as I lay huddled mere meters away from a dog I just brutalised. I can feel her judgment at my self-loathing, and my self-pity. By God I wish she could come down and hold me, how I wish she would pity my crippled heart and broken soul. There is no one to blame, no author of my demise bar me. My great heaving sobs fill the air, heaving out into the night and dancing into the stars. The cigarette falls from my lips, extinguished by the blood it lands in.

I can feel my body healing itself from the night's horrors, my ribs needlessly knitting together, the gunshot wound almost closed up and splinters healed over. How I wish it wouldn't do that. The moonlight holding me there, a spotlight I don't ever want to leave. I hate the memories I hold of her, every one of us swimming in a lake, lying in a field or whipping the juice of berries from the other's face. I hate the memory of her smile because it reminds me of how much I hurt her. I don't truly hate it though, I love her. I will until there is no moon left to love, and then I will love her some more. It's a terrible curse to love her so, but it would be an inconceivable horror to not have had the chance. Pain my body cannot heal plays throughout my body, and each sob does nothing to numb it. It's the only self-afflicting pain I can induce that lasts long enough to satisfy. So I hug myself, pretending Luna has come from the moonlight again, and lie naked and alone.