The Bad Parts of Falling In Love

Come out. Harlow texted, and after a few glasses of wine and a night to myself, how could I say no? More distraction, more people to talk to and who knows... more guys to meet. It could only be good for me, right? Elliot and I hadn't seen each other in a few weeks, and I was not okay. I mean, I was, but I wasn't, if that made sense?

Okay. Where are you? I responded, and she sent me her location. Typical. A restaurant next to a popular club in Austin. I was over this club scene, but I could at least meet her for a few drinks and then go home when they went to the club if I wanted.

I walked up to Harlow's group of friends, surrounding a small table with picture-esque couches that gave the modern era vibe. It was a quaint restaurant bar with pinks and Einstein influenced lights, with low lighting. In other words, it was a boogie inspired place that someone like Harlow would love and I would low key detest. But there I was. There was one blonde girl that I didn't know and then Jojo and Blake, who I recognized from the first time I went out with Harlow. The boys, Xavier, Willy or Alden were not there. Or atleast not yet. I waved at them and slipped my way on the far side of the couch, catching the end of a story from this blonde, hazel eyed with puffy lips and a black, skimpy dress on.

  "Yeah, I got plastic surgery for free basically. Can't complain." She joked, still not knowing her name. The other girls gave a look of envy while I held back an eye roll.

  "Why did you get it for free?" Harlow asked.

  "I was bit by a dog a few months back. My lips were messed up, but now I have natural plumped lips." The girl laughed, and puckered her lips for everyone to gaze at. Really? That is what we have come to? Being jealous of people because of their fake body parts, not even real ones? I immediately regretted coming out, despite it being a distraction or not. To me she looked like she had just been stung by a bee, her bottom lip disproportional to her top, but I wouldn't know. Still, as she talked, I started getting an ill feeling in my stomach as the story started to sound too familiar.

  "But how was the surgery for free?" Jojo asked.

  "Oh, it was amazing. After the dog bit me, my friends were telling me I should sue. Then one of them recommended this cute and young lawyer to me, so I reached out and he took me on as a client. Didn't know him prior and I don't think he usually does cases like this, but it is one of those friend of friends situations, I guess." She giggled as if there was more to the story. The girls pressed on, and so she let out the little secret, and as she did, I felt my knots in my stomach tighten. I knew why this story was familiar. What were the odds?

  "Yeah, and she was right. He is hot. I have been trying to low key sleep with him, but since I was his client he has been professional and clear that was not going to happen... for now." She rolled her eyes, and proceeded on. I felt my face heat up. 

  "But, I called him one night and it was obvious he was with some other girl... but whatever, the case is finally done. So since I am no longer his client, I invited him out tonight and he said he would come." She blushed hard as the girls soaked in the story. My heart was racing, and I was holding back tears. Some girl... It was me. No longer his client... Coming out tonight... Shit.

  "Ooh, speak of the devil." The girl said, and her eyes brightened as she, and the rest of the girls, looked behind me. Harlow looked at him skeptically, as if recognizing him, but I could tell she didn't know where she recognized him, and I was sure not going to tell her. I didn't even have to turn around to know who was walking up behind me.

  "Dibs." She then whispered, and my stomach dropped. I didn't know who this girl was but I hated her. And I hated that I was here. I hated that I was about to turn around and see Elliot. I sat there in a group of girls with crop tops and mini skirts or laced dresses while I sat there wearing jeans and a tank, sticking out like a sore thumb. This was bull shit.

  "Hi." I heard his voice, still behind me and I watched as the blonde girl stood up to go around and give him a hug. I could picture it in my mind and it made me want to puke. She came back around and introduced him to the group. Yep, it was him alright. I looked down and started messing with the drink in my hand, smashing the lime in my vodka water with the straw. I could feel the tears behind my eyes. I saw his figure standing in front of the group now, next to her and heard his low, sexy and confident voice as he introduced himself to each girl. I just waited for my turn. She didn't know me and I didn't know her, so I hoped she would skip over me, but then everyone got silent as I heard her say, "and this is Harlow's friend..." I raised my head, and our eyes met.

  "Hi." I said, and his eyes widened as much and as quickly as mine. He nodded, looked around and then hesitated before turning away from me. He said his name to everyone else, but I only got a nod. I mean I knew who he was obviously, but no one else knew that. I felt the tears again. I didn't even know what I was feeling. I just felt numb. Without thinking, I abruptly got up, put my drink down and started to walk away. Harlow turned to me, and I tried to act nonchalant so that Elliot wouldn't notice.

  "Where are you going?"

  "I am not feeling well." I said quickly. Though the reasons were probably different than she was thinking, I wasn't lying. I did not feel good... in fact, I felt horrible. I felt hurt. I felt jealous... and I didn't even know the girl. But I knew him way too well.

  "Are you okay? We are about to go next door. You can just drink water?" She asked, but I shook my head. I couldn't stay here much longer. I noticed that though Elliot's eyes were facing the random blonde girl, his body was facing my direction.

  "No, I think I am just going to go. I think I drank too much before you texted me. Ha. My bad." I tried to explain and she shrugged her shoulders.

  "Okay." She quickly turned back to the group. I turned and walked away before anyone could say anything else. As I did, I swore I saw Elliot turn my way and briefly stand up. But as I kept walking, no one came after me. He didn't come after me.

I got an Uber, luckily in a decent amount of time, and went home. And where I usually was social with the drivers, I sat there this time, in the back seat of the car, by myself and sad.

I realized that night how one could make time feel longer? There are still 60 seconds in a minute, 24 hours in a day and 365 days in a week, but to make those seconds, those hours and those days feel longer... fall in love. I found the secret to not having your life pass you by and see days as days and not time as a blur... fall in love, and then get hurt. Or see them with someone else. Trust me, it was working. I felt more in those few minutes of seeing Elliot with another girl than with any long term relationship I had been in prior. Right now, I felt every ticking second. I felt every heartbeat ache and every knot tighten in my stomach as the flashes of him with her repeated over and over in my head. It was then that I realized that there are good parts of falling in love, and there are bad parts of falling in love. Well, this was definitely one of the bad parts.