The Doubtful Night

"Divorce is the only word I can think of now", says Jane on the phone with John.

John responds, "you say that all the time, so take it ea.. "

Everything suddenly falls into silence.

"What is it?" Jane asks.

"Power's out" John says," I've been in this apartment for two years, and this is the first ti.."

He’s suddenly interrupted by Jane as usual, "Well, you live in the end of the world, be used to it. How is your roommate anyway? What was his name? Is it Fred? Who cares anyway? Look! this long distance relationship doesn’t seem to work with us as... John? John?”.

The call is over.

Fred comes into his room,” How wonderful is this? Power outage is awesome. Don’t you agree?”

“What’s awesome about a power outage, Fred?” says John with a frowny face.

“What is it, did she call? How is she?”

“I don’t know, my battery died.”

“Forget the whole thing. Let’s go out. Come on, you have to see this sight. It’s a wonderful view. You don’t see that everyday. Literally, I haven’t seen such a sky since I moved here... hey!”

“Leave me alone, Fred! Can’t you see what’s happening to me here?”

“What are you gonna do?” asks Fred.

“I don’t know. I'll just lie in bed and look at the stars from here.”

Fred comes near John trying to convince him, “You can’t see them clearly from over here… Oh my God! I can see Sirius from here!”

“Do you really know Sirius?” asks John.

“Not really?  I’m gonna go make some coffee and sit with you here.”

Fred walks to the kitchen. Silence rules over John’s room. Pain conquers his heart. Serenity captures his mind. Poetry starts dipping her charming words into his head. The night starts molding his sorrow into words. Words start sipping from his tongue.

Fred comes with two cups of coffee and walks in after being absent for longer than he intended to.

“Sorry, I had to talk to someone, but coffee is…”

His steps begin to fall on the ground more slowly as he hears…

“The moonlit night is lit no longer… The clouds of gloom are passing by.

The peace is shrouded now with thunder... The merry laughter with the sigh.

The threads of hope are torn asunder... Illusions break my wings and fly.

I'm sinking deep. I'm going under... I'm down, but thoughts are getting high.

I wondered much, and still I wonder:    Is what I lived in but a lie?

Some sickly thoughts of doubt still linger... Some lies behind the truth still lie.”

I never knew you could ever say something like this”, says Fred.

“I’ve written this last month, and I’ve been adding to it for the last couple of days.”

“Oh, I thought you just came up with it.”

“Well, yea, I kind of did make some adjustments. And now is certainly the time for it to be sung.”

“No, what I mean is… I thought that you wrote this because of this exceptional night. You know. Your marriage, your job, your luck, this power outage thing. You wrote it more than a week ago? Why so depressing? Couldn’t you write something more joyful?”

John says nothing.

“John!” Shouts Fred.

“Yes, yes. I will try this night, you said you wanna go out. Ok, let’s go for a walk to see the clear sky and wonder at its lustrous stars.”

“No. I made coffee. Are you acting like this on purpose?”

“I'm gonna head out. You coming?”

“Oh God, ok, wait.”

They start wandering the streets. A thing which they never did before.

They start pondering the starry night. A thing they couldn’t do before.

John takes Fred’s phone and calls Jane.

“Hey… before we say anything, listen to this. I’ve been writing this poem. A poem that has no end. Listen!

You doubtful night! You gloomy winter!       I hope I live to see you die.

My mind will never stop this wander         Between the what and how and why.

A couple of minutes pass with John saying nothing but looking up and thinking while walking.

Fred looks amazed. He asks, ”What is she saying?”

John hands him the phone,” She didn’t answer the call, Freddie.”

“What? Oh my god, I’m sorry.”

“Don’t worry, it’s because of me this couple of nights. Just down on my luck.”

“No, you’re thinking this way.”

“What do you mean?”

“I mean you said you wrote those depressing words before. You wanted to. You chose that before any of your problems show up. Why don’t you try to write something… i don’t know… not depressing at least?”

“That’s not a thing Fred. I'm not deliberately making it like this, but I started the poem that way, and now I must finish it before I write anything else. I don't have a problem writing about these stars that you like or anything that would seem uplifting and cheerful.”

“Why don’t you finish the same poem but with a twist.” says Fred after a moment of silence.

“What? That’s a great idea. That should’ve been my plan in the first place. It would be even more delightful if I put different themes in one poem.” Says John with delight.

“Great.”

“Hey Fred! Can you leave me alone?”

“What? why?”

“I'm just gonna walk alone, it would be more inspiring for me.”

“Ok, I brought that unto myself. Keep my phone with you, and try to call her again. See you!”

“Ok, see you!”

John makes a turn, takes a very quiet street and starts dreaming in his head.

His lips utter unheard voices, but then some wise words pop up:

To gloomy thoughts I won't surrender.      I'll try to live and live to try.

My thoughtful mind who then shall hinder?    My loving heart who can defy?

As he’s trying to come up with words and finish his poem, Fred’s phone goes off,

”Yes? Who is this?” he asks.

“Hey John!” He hears the closest voice to his heart.

“Jane! I’m sorry, look! My battery died, I swea...”

“Shhh, I don’t care… it was me, I was acting very stupid lately… how are you now?”

John is astounded. He can’t utter any kind of word.

“John?”, she says.

“Yes, yes.. I'm with you. I'm just…”

“Forget everything. Ok? Let’s forget it all. Now let me hear the poem you’ve been writing.”

“Who told you about it?”

“You did last week, remember?”

“Oh yes sorry. I'm just…”

“Is it finished yet?”

“Well, yes. I’ve thought of the last lines some moments ago. Listen!”

My body's strong, my faith is stronger,        And days my words will verify.

And I will ever think and ponder             Beyond myself and at the sky.

The halls of doubt now I may enter.     The gates of truth I sure will nigh.

This cloudy night is long no longer,       And I still ask me who am I?

“That’s the most beautiful sound I ever heard.” says Jane.

“So you don’t care about the words?” he asks.

“No, they’re all beautiful”

“You know what’s also beautif.. Oh My God!”

“What is it?”

“Power’s back. This city is alive again with all these lights, but I’m gonna miss the stars.”

“And I’m gonna miss you.” says Jane.

“Don’t say that! I’m coming now... to you.”

“What?”