Megan tried desperately to make amends for the sins of her past. Yet every day, she lived with the consequences of her decision. The aftermath was proving to be harder to live with than she ever thought possible.
She learned to have faith in God and believe in the Bible. Many years passed between her Sunday school classes with the paper mâché Noah’s Ark and the day she destroyed her future. The passing time long replaced her lessons of God's faithfulness with modern ideas.
She had spent more time recently, keeping up with the latest eyebrow waxing tips and what celebrity had been seen leaving the home of another after a wild night, than she did her faith. Reading her Bible was something that never happened any longer at her home.
Her whole life revolved around Roger and what he wanted. He was a little controlling, although she couldn't see it. Megan thought of it as being that he cared about her, not that he was controlling. She wore her hair the way he wanted. He picked out her clothes.
When he wanted to move in with her, she was thrilled. It seemed like the next logical step. Then they bought a house. In her mind, they would soon be engaged and then married. She hoped within a couple of years. She lived with him two years before the proposal came that she quickly accepted.
Megan had been living with her fiancé Roger for a couple of years after the proposal. She found out she was pregnant; she was so excited. In her mind, he would go through with the wedding now. She wondered why he had cold feet. They had been drifting apart. In her mind, even though she didn't plan it, the news of a baby could not have come at a better time.
The doctor’s office was close to where Roger worked. Trying to contain her excitement, she rushed by to tell him. Her elation turned to total devastation when she caught him with his secretary in a compromising position. All her hopes and dreams were crushed into dust. She got in her car and drove for hours. Her cell phone started blowing up. It was him; he didn’t know she saw him with his secretary.
The messages were, "Hey, I am home, and you are not here. Where are you? I hope you are picking up dinner because nothing is cooked in this house.”
They progressively got more hateful and controlling. Upon listening to the last message, Megan knew to let him know she was okay. Pulling over her car, she picked up her phone and texted. "I am fine. I will not be home tonight; I have to think about my future.”
He immediately texted back, “What is that supposed to mean?”
“I saw you with Carlie today. I came to tell you some good news. Now I have to decide if I should keep this baby. I am turning off my phone now, so don’t bother. I will contact you when I am ready to talk.”
He was immediately angry and ran his fist through the wall. He tried to call Megan, but it went straight to voice mail. The news shook him up. He felt guilty for cheating on her. Even worse, he felt terrible that he didn't care about the baby. There was no love there for Megan or the baby. There had not been love there for a long time; he just hated to rock the boat.
Then things started heating up with Carlie. He knew that from the moment that Mr. Henson assigned her to be his secretary, there had been an attraction. He loved her smile, and when she laughed. Over the past year, he had developed feelings for her.
Now, what should he do about Megan and the baby? He knew now he needed to end his relationship with her. He wanted to marry Carlie. Picking up his phone, he sent Megan a text message. "We need to talk; I think we both know this isn’t working for us any longer. I will help you financially with the baby. But I can’t be a part of its life.”
After crying all night in a lonely hotel room, she decided to turn her phone back on. There were several missed calls. Then she read his one text. She went from being on top of the world to under rock bottom in a few hours. Depression covered her like a thick, dark blanket, painfully smothering her.
She called her friend Zoey to meet for her lunch. Zoey always seemed to be clear about what she wanted in life. She was a good listener. They talked it out. A straightforward comment from Zoey prompted an idea. “Too bad you are pregnant; it would be easier to walk away from Roger.” Megan said, “I know.”
After a long lunch, Megan went shopping for some essentials. She called in sick to work with the fake flu. She returned to the hotel with her mountain of snacks and her bag of essential clothes and toiletries.
Closing the door behind her, she leaned against it for a long time. Fighting back the tears, she took a deep breath and went to take a shower. The hot water felt good on her skin. She quickly soaped up and rinsed off. The texture of the hotel towel was a little rough against her skin. It was the first thing she had felt all day. The shock of it all was numbing.
She put on a nightshirt and a pair of panties, even though it was three in the afternoon. The bed was just as she left it, made up from before she stayed the previous night. She pulled back the covers she crawled under the sheet, pulling them to her chin, halfway sitting propped against the pillows.
Television was not a distraction; she finally turned it off. Zoey's words echoed in her mind, “Too bad you are pregnant; it would be easier to walk away from Roger.” Then the idea hit her; she would have an abortion. People do it every day.
She debated a week and talked to a counselor at the clinic. Zoey was a little surprised by Megan's choice but didn't try to sway her either way. She was just there for her the day of the appointment. Zoey took her to her house to recover. Sooner or later, she would have to face Roger. Living at a hotel was not the kind of life for Megan. Since he insisted the house be in his name only, she didn't have a choice but to start over with a new place.
The physical aspects of her procedure healed quickly. She went one day to the house with a couple of friends to pack. Zoey opened a drawer in the dresser to pack her things. She started teasing her about her choice of underwear. When Megan looked at what Zoey was holding, it was a black lacy thong. She immediately saw red that was not hers. Nothing in the drawer was hers.
She took the scissors and cut all the strings on every pair of underwear. Cut holes in the short shorts and barely-there t-shirts. Laughing, she went back to packing her things. It was evident that Claire had only one drawer in the house. Megan couldn’t wait to get away from him for good.
She left Roger a letter on the table by the front door, along with the house key. The letter said,
You do not have to worry about me or the no longer existing baby; I had a procedure last week. Lose my number; I will be deleting and blocking yours. You are a worthless piece of crap; by the way, your girlfriend needs new clothes at your house; it would appear the scissors went crazy and shredded them.
Have a wonderful life. I am going to despite you.
Over the next few months, her anger started to dissipate. She began to realize that she and Roger should have split years earlier. Also, she wondered what she would have looked like at three months pregnant, six months, and then the ninth month came; this would have been the birth month. Regret was starting to be her constant companion.
Despite what Roger had done, she realized that she had killed her child. He was not to blame; it was all on her. Nothing could have prepared her for the psychological impact.
Moving across the country to a new place may have helped a little. Megan knew she wouldn't be running into Roger at the gas station. But her grief and regret still followed her.
She sought counseling. After years of therapy, she learned how to live with the consequences of her actions. It prompted her to become a counselor herself. She stayed single for six years until she met a high school gym teacher and coach. They were married two years later. They had two children; she loved them both intensely. But neither could ever replace the one that she dismissed so quickly with just a procedure.