Just keep breathing

"Breathe in, breathe through, breathe deep, breathe out. You're not missing out on life." a gentle voice spoke silently. 

"I fear missing out on me, Mom." the young girl opened her eyes and looked at her mother. 

Her mother’s eyes softened, lines etching deeper into her face. “You’re not missing out on life, my dear,” she replied, her voice always gentle as a breeze. “Life is what you make of it. Life is the way you want to live it, it is sadness and joy, and sorrows, excitement and everything in between. Each moment, each choice, makes your life what it is." 

Aria didn't like being vulnerable, but this was her mother, so she let her vulnerability lay bare. “But what if I miss out on who I am? What if I lose myself in the noise of expectations and obligations?” 

Her mother’s gaze held hers, unwavering. “You won’t,” she said, her voice firm. “Remember, my darling, life isn’t about avoiding pain or seeking perfection. It’s about embracing your essence—the quirks, the dreams, the scars. You’re not missing out on you; you’re discovering you.”

Aria blinked back tears, the weight of her fears lifting slightly. “And what if I make mistakes?” she whispered. 

“You know how when you paint and you make a mistake, you don't throw it all away, you just move the brushstroke and add depth to the canvas.“ her mother replied. “Never be afraid of making mistakes, because mistakes shape you. Embrace them, learn from them, but never let them define you.” 

Aria nodded, her heart swelling with gratitude. She leaned into her mother’s embrace, inhaling the familiar scent of lavender and love. “Thank you, Mom,” she murmured. “For teaching me to breathe through life, even when it feels like I’m drowning.” 

Her mother’s lips brushed her forehead. “You’re stronger than you know,” she said. “And you’ll find your way, my brave girl. I have faith in you. Just keep breathing.”

Aria’s heart clenched as she recalled this moment with her mother, the memories of their conversations echoing in her mind. She took a deep breath, the air tasting of nostalgia and longing. "Breathe in, breathe through, breathe deep, breathe out," Aria whispered to herself. The words had been her mother’s mantra during difficult times, a soothing rhythm that had carried them through every storm that came into their lives; now they were her legacy. 

Aria carried her fears like friendship bracelets. She was afraid of big, black spiders and from the unknown creatures hiding in the ocean. She was afraid of planes and afraid of herself. Afraid of herself, because she feared her mind was going to ruin the life she wanted to live. 

An opportunity had knocked on her door months ago, but her mind put her in a position where she felt so insecure, she doubted she could do things beyond her potential. She was a writer, a good journalist and a very known magazine was saving a spot for her, but in her short stories she was always the rabbit, screaming for help and life was the fox running towards her, but not to help. 

So, she feared leaving the job she had now and her family behind, she was scared out of her mind, because she had no idea what it meant to live in a foreign country, miles away from her loved ones. But it was summer and it was now or never. And regret was also something she feared deeply. 

It was being comfortable in something you know well, even through it makes you unhappy. It was pushing yourself to work harder, so your family could be more proud of you, even through they already were. It was not letting yourself relax for a bit, because you fear feeling guilty for letting yourself breath. She always feared taking risks, afraid of the unknowable, afraid of the consequences. So, imagine the shock she felt on that day she signed for leaving work, the day she finally said the words out loud to her family, "I'm leaving the country." The shock she felt on that airport. Her hands are still shaking sometimes. 

Now the sun hung low in the sky, casting a warm, golden hue over the ancient villa. Its walls, adorned with ivy and bougainvillea, seemed to breathe with the rhythm of the Italian summer. Two years gone by and Aria finally felt away from the cliffs. She is now traveling, gathering information about articles she was going to write, that would change people's perspectives on things. She had that way of making people open their eyes and see with their hearts. She never knew she had it in herself to do such things. 

"I wish we could stay here forever." she exhaled a breath she was holding for a little too long. 

"Forever is an awfully long time," replied Luca, the boy she got to know well a year ago. "But right now, in this moment, it feels like eternity." 

Luca was working for the same magazine as her, he was a photographer and he always liked accompanying Aria on her little adventures. 

They sat on the stone steps, their fingers brushing against each other as they shared a bottle of chilled white wine. The air smelled of ripe peaches and the promise of endless days. Here with Luca, there were no fears. 

Aria traced the rim of her glass, lost in thought. Luca's eyes were distant, as if he could see beyond the horizon. But he cleared his throat, breaking the stillness. "Aria," he began, his voice a bit hoarse, his accent a bit stronger, "do you believe in fate?" 

She considered his question, watching the sun hanging lower. "I believe in choices." she replied. "Life is a series of crossroads, and we decide which path to take." 

Aria thought of her decision to leave her job and family behind. She had left behind a life of deadlines and expectations, a life of unhappiness and fear of consequences, but most importantly, she had left behind that scared girl she once was. Now she is someone brave, now she has courage, because she finally let herself wonder and wander. 

He nodded, swirling the remnants of his wine. "You're right," Luca said, turning to look at her, his eyes were sparkling and his lips curled into a small smile, "If I didn't Ake the decisions I took some time ago, now I would've been somewhere else and not here with you. But if there is life after this one, I would make the right choices, hoping they'd lead me to you again." 

Aria blushed in a shade of red that was becoming Luca's favourite, "Signora Angelica was right, Italians were really romantic." she said and they both filled the air with a sweet laughed. 

Luca put an arm around Aria's shoulder and placed a light kiss on her temple. Here with him there were no fears, there was the feeling of being calm and alive at the same time, the feeling of free and casual talking. There were no boundaries, no expectations, no tension. She finally felt at peace with herself. She still had to learn how to take the moment and taste it, without overthinking it all the way through, but she was getting there, because the most important thing she did was that she kept breathing. Breathing through the stress and anxiety, breathing through the girl in the mirror she was too afraid of, breathing through the life she was too scared to leave.