I Do

Wilson

WHAT. IS. GOING. ON?? Something special! Everyone loves me! Wait - everyone loves her! And him? Um...not sure about him. Why is he here? And ew - there’s his mother. Aw man, she is E-V-I-L...gives me the heebie jeebies and I avoid her like the plague every time we visit. He’s not quite that bad...bit of a dork. Short. Laughs a bit too much. Aw, she looks stressed. Nervous? But look! Everyone loves me! Oh, I think I’ll get to walk down the aisle! I may be a dog, but I’m the star of the show! 

Water...I need water...

Valerie

I can’t believe she’s getting married. I’m always following in her footsteps - born two years later, graduate two years later, date an older man two years later. My god, I better not be getting married in two years! (Gotta make sure I avoid the bouquet). I’m too much of a feminist to go this route. I gave her so many feminist books, pins, and graphic tees...and yet she still goes off and gets married! Not judging - just sayin’. 

Wilson

Oh, here we go! I’m coming! Ok, how fast can I walk without toppling this tiny human who thinks she is walking me...? As if I need a leash...why are her legs so short? I think we’re actually about the same size. Yes, my best friend and soulmate, here I come! I feel like I have something important to do...maybe it has to do with the little circular things they tied onto my tuxedo. Hehe, wouldn’t it be funny if I just took off with them? Oh, but I can’t do that...like I said, I think something important is going on. Steady...ooh, the smell of new leather shoes! Wait, go forward...steady...

Jeff

So...since she’s my wife’s friend, I guess by extension, that now means she’s my friend. Which poses a bit of a dilemma. Should I say something? Or not? Lisa thinks everyone’s nice, and that’s what I love about her. And her friend - I like her. She’s a good person. But what the hell is she doing with that guy?? There was something off about him the first time we met. So argumentative. And petty. Of course, Lisa just thought I was being a jerk, butting heads with him on purpose. Why would I do that? He's the one who was antagonistic. Now I’d look like a real jerk if I actually stood up and said something like in the movies. I’d never be able to live that down. Anyway...I hope he proves me wrong. 

“Do you take……….to be your lawfully wedded husband…”

Lisa

May the good Lord bless my beautiful friend and her new husband. I remember telling her - you're going to meet someone amazing someday, just have faith. And now look! They’re going to have a long and happy marriage. 

Jeff, look happy for them! Smile! 

God, I love him but he’s so embarrassing sometimes.

“...to share your life openly, for richer, for poorer…”

Jeff, don’t you DARE roll your eyes!

Sam

Wow...this chapel looks like it’s taken out of a storybook. I’m not surprised at how she planned every single detail so beautifully. Her favourite gerberas at the end of each aisle...the music...the adorable flower girl...and, of course, Wilson. She really did get a Soft Coated Wheaten Terrier, just like I had suggested. Sometimes I wonder...what if she’d said yes to me moving to Vancouver. That man would be me. We had such a wonderful time together, I thought she could be the one. 

But I guess it wasn’t meant to be. This sure happened fast, though...a year ago they hadn’t even met yet. And now they’re getting married! Is there a bun in the oven? Ugh, I don’t even want to think about it. I hope she knows what she’s doing. 

“...in sickness and in health…”

Wilson

How come I didn’t get to sit on her feet? Why am I now being sidelined? Is this what I got all dressed up for? To be sidelined??

Valerie

My god, they’re both crying. I’ve never seen a guy cry like that before. Is he for real? Is it even possible to love someone that much after knowing them only nine months? Honestly, that’s more gushy than I could ever manage, but hey - if she’s happy, I’m happy.

IF being the operative word. She’s been so stressed lately, and that guy doesn’t even lift a finger. Didn’t help her move one box into the new apartment. Doesn’t cook! Complains when she asks him to help. All he talks about is work, like he’s so important. I mean...they look at each other as if they were in love...but what does she even like about him?

“...in joy and in sorrow…”

Lisa

Don’t judge, don’t judge, don’t judge, don’t judge. That is not the way of the Lord. I know Jeff has good intuition...and I trust him to the moon and back. But I can’t accept it if he’s right about this - because that would mean I’ve let my friend down by not speaking truthfully. Oh, but it’s not my business. But I love my friend and…

“...to love and to cherish…”

Inhale, exhale...inhale, exhale. 

Wilson

Ohh, everybody’s crying. She’s crying! Don’t cry! Maybe if I could try to sit...just...a little closer...she’ll stop crying. You know, I think he’s responsible. He’s been doing that a lot lately, and I have to fix it every time. Mind you, I’ve always been good at that...whenever some guy broke her heart, I’d go sit next to her and lean, and she’d stroke my ears and kiss me and slowly stop sniffling. But sometimes she does mad crying, not sad crying. When that happens, I change my technique and give puppy dog eyes so she invites me to snuggle and then calms down. If this guy sticks around much longer, I’ve got my work cut out for me. Why can’t she be happy with just me? 

“...forever more?”

There...I’m as close as I can get...this should do the trick. Oh, she’s so beautiful...I want to sit with her now!

Jeff

Ok, so you know what? I am rarely wrong. This guy stinks. 

“I do.”