I don’t know why they keep doing it

For the past few years my neighbors (everybody in town considering there are only about 2,000 people in Shubawshubaw) have all been going out of town for the important holidays like Christmas, Thanksgiving, and Mother’s Day (would’ve said Easter but I stopped really caring about it when I got too old for my granma to give me a basket). 

They’ve been going out of town and whle most of them have been able to step right back into living their normal lives some of them have been forced to completely redecorate their homes. 

Usually redecorating isn’t a bad thing but, when it’s due to a person having nothing in their home at all it can be a bit troublesome. 

Don’t get what I mean yet? Well, to put it plainly these past few years have been riddled with home burglaries. My sweet, innocent neighbors have been coming home from their “vacations” (if that’ what you’d call being around family you say you ike because that’s the socially acceptable thing to do for several days) to absolutely nothing in their home. 

And when I say they’ve been coming home to nothing I mean it. There was one bad case with these folks who live 2 blocks north of me who even had a golden urn (that was sitting on an oddly placed mantle above the parents’ headboard) that was filled with the fathers’ mothers ashes snatched from them. A strange thing to steal but, considering that it was made of 24k gold and was rimmed with platinum (and was kind of heavy) I can understand why it was taken. 

What’s worse than these robberies is that fact that the thief (ves) haven yet to be caught. It may be because there are worse things going on in this city than infrequent yet patterned home burglaries. Or the fact that the person / people committing the crimes is related to the chief of police (I’m talking close relative) . Who knows. 

What I can say is that I’m glad that I have everything I need to enjoy the holidays right here in Shubawshubaw. I mean, look. I have my bolt cutters, ski mask, wire cutters, police radio, pistol (in case i run into anything unexpected), and a whole slew of other goodies ( including my conveniently updated list of people who sign up for pet sitting when they go out of town). 

I guess I’m going over the Rinous’ tonight.