Phone is Bad Book is Good

Phone is Bad, Books are Good.



You never thought it would happen to you. You always were fiddling or tinkering with something, reading a book, writing a story, drawing a picture. You could always imagine another way to do something and weren’t afraid to try it. You were creative. And you always though you would be. There is enough literature about adults being boring and materialistic and bland that you resolved to never become a boring bland materialistic adult. You promised you would be an exception and stay interesting and playful and awake.

Every morning you wake up and the first thing you do is turn off the alarm on your phone. Naturally, since the phone is already in your hands, the next step is always to check your messages. Then your emails. Then the news. Half an hour later you are still in the same position, scrolling through a barrage of content, suggestions of how to spend your money. Speaking of which, you better get up and make some. In a panicked stupor you prepare for work and rush out the door. You spend a miserable commute staring into your content rectangle until you arrive at your 9 to 5. After 8 computer mouse pushing hours of misery, you shuffle home the same way you came, exhausted as though you have never woken up.

You drag yourself through some physical activity and eat a disappointing dinner. The bare minimum to keep yourself functioning. You finish up the day watching some longform content on a larger rectangle screen, before indulging in some more scrolling right before you close your eyes. Blue light bliss.

If you are honest, day to day you don’t even notice the monotony. You aren’t bored. You are always entertained and stimulated. Whenever things are quiet too long your brain gets an itch. Your hand moves automatically, and you are looking at new content.

Occasionally, when meeting a new person. You are faced with a question you hate. A question that suddenly makes the inadequacy of your lifestyle incredibly obvious and painful.

“So, what do you do for fun? What are your hobbies?”

It’s a well-meaning question. A friendly attempt to learn more about you. But it exposes a hollow and empty cavity in you. Is streaming television a hobby?

You used to have hobbies, and ‘do things for fun’. You have a collection art supplies that you periodically add to. You buy books. You tell the enquirer you draw and read. This is a satisfactory answer, and the conversation moves along. But you are raw, you feel the hollow space in your chest fill with shame and disgust. They asked you what you do, not what you buy. It’s a small distinction. But it cuts you deeply.  

You resolve to change. To wake up and live more in the moment. When you go home you search for answers. How to find time and energy for hobbies. How to have fun. You can’t remember ever needing guidance with finding fun.

The answer is simple. Less phone. You don’t like this answer. That’s too simple. There is obviously something deeper going on. Only boring people spend all their time on the phone. If you tried to stop using your phone it would be laughably easy, hardly a challenge. You won’t use your phone at all tomorrow and prove it’s easy.

You dig out an old-fashioned clock radio and set it up to be an alarm. You will start the next day awake. You read in the morning for 10 minutes then do some yoga and write an intention for your day. ‘Wake up, be interesting!’

You read more in your commute and write down some ideas for drawings in a notebook. You feel good. This is easy. You work harder at work and talk to more people. On the way home you keep reading your book. Occasionally you slip up. You get an itch paper can’t scratch and find yourself scrolling before you know what you can stop yourself. Habits engineered in silicone valley are hard to break.

When you realise, a stone drops in your stomach. You put your phone away and keep reading your book. The itchy feeling is persistent. And your reading is interrupted often. This frustrates you. Your thoughts become more negative and self-loathing. ‘Why can’t you do this? You’ve destroyed your attention span! You are so boring.’ This only makes you itchier. You get home frustrated. You barely read anything. You didn’t realise how hard it could be to focus. Dinner is morose and you fumble in the gym.

You rationalize to yourself. It was only the first day of a new habit. This is a global issue. You’re not the only one. You haven’t tried cracked open a book in a while. At least you tried. Next time you will do better. You probably did better than average.

You get your sketch book ready and arrange a smorgasbord of art supplies. You sit down to draw and trace some delicate strokes on the page. What should you draw? The itchy feeling returns. What should you draw? A tree? That is so ordinary. It will do for a warmup. Something boring to get started. How does a tree go? You itch voraciously. Maybe you can look up some reference images.

One hour later, you have not drawn a tree. You have bought type of paintbrush and a new notebook, and some green eyeshadow. Two hours later you have drawn 3 leaves and watched a video essay on Bob Ross. No tree. You have created nothing. You are not creative.

You are ashamed. You feel a profound emptiness. Even when you want to have fun you can’t. You are a husk that money and food flow in and out of. You are your actions. And you take no actions. You are nothing. You get in your bed and resume your usual routine. You crave your stupor. It is too hard to be awake.