Almost Everything

POV 1: Emily

1/1/2023 

Dear diary, I am hopeless. You could as well call me “a hopeless romantic” since i am sicking to find the love of my life everywhere. Under every little rock, under the last ocean waves hitting on the shore and inside lost fairytales kids don’t seem to read anymore. I crave physical and emotional affection. And maybe all the kind of affections they are to exist. 

So if i am honest, here’s what i want:

An honest mature man who loves to read. A man who will have his life put together and his goals under his dream list. I want someone who will have pretty eyes and a nice smile. Someone who will have a favourite painting or a favourite classical piece of music and opinions about the world. 

I want him to meet all of my high expectations, but i want to be the one who meets his as well. 

I don’t want anything extraordinary, just from him to love me in a way only i can understand. 

“Girl, this is some deep shit you wrote in there!” Abbey said when she finished reading the first entrance of my journal. 

“Yeah you know what? Maybe i shouldn’t have let you read this!” I said, grabbing my notebook away from her. 

“Okay” she said, throwing her hands to the air “all i am saying is that you are being a bit dramatic. I mean, you are not hopeless okay… you just expect a lot from guys that’s all”

I got up from my chair and started folding the pile of Abbey’s clothes on the bed.

I know this is the point where i should start thinking that maybe she is right, that the perfect man does not exist. Maybe all i should do (and should have done a long time ago) is settle for something “realistic”. A platonic relationship where we end up getting married because that’s all we know. Unfortunately, in my case, hope is not letting me go and maybe if i have a little more patience and a little more trust in fate, everything will fall into place. 

“I don’t think we will ever finish packing all those books you have” she said glancing at my pile of books all across the floor. 

I smiled and said “That’s weird cause i could say the same thing about your clothes” we both laughed.

“So I’ll probably head to the bookstore before it closes” i said and she gave me a weird look.

“To return this book i borrowed last week” i explained, got the keys and left the room.

“Don’t you go to the market get a pizza as well?” She shouted from the other room right before i left “you might as well meet the Prince Charming on the way”

“Sure!” I answered back and left the apartment.

POV 2: Hunter

I am standing in front of the shelf with the classics. My gaze immediately fell on the books of Jane Austen and the Bronte’s. And i can’t help but think about all the love stories I’ve ever read. I question my loneliness sometimes: if love is meant for everyone, how come I haven’t found it yet? Are some people just meant to be alone, lonely?

Sometimes i force myself to believe that i need no-one else but myself. Sometimes i say that to other people as well when they ask “don’t you feel lonely all by yourself?” Even though I know it’s a lie. Is lying a bad thing, however, if you do it out of self defence or, most of the times, out of your own consciousness?

I am not saying i am bad looking, i don’t believe it either. Maybe I once was. Before i started taking good care of myself. Like most guys, on their early twenties, I spent most of my time at the gym (when i wasn’t studying), balanced my diet and became what other people would call “that guy”. 

Being attractive by woman was never difficult for me in the matter of appearance, but mostly because i wasn’t meeting their stereotyped expectations. Through the years, i have come to the realisation that people are fond of small talk. I can’t remember how many times i tried to take it to the next level and ask something more than “what did you eat yesterday”. My attempts have never once succeeded. The best turnout was confused looks and complete silences. 

They always tell me i am weird and picky just because i crave something more than just a night or basic and superficial discussions. At times, when I go to a party or a bar with friends, I get this weird feeling that i am just at the wrong place at the right time and that maybe if I was, at that moment, somewhere else… as if everything i am looking for is one step away and i am just to distracted daydreaming about it that i cannot see it.

POV 1: Emily 

I always felt bookstores like homes. Cozy corners between the bookshelves that hold so many fascinating worlds if you can just look more closer. 

Before returning the book I borrowed, i decided to have a little look on the graphic novel section, right behind the classics, since i can’t read in the car and I will have a long ride tomorrow. 

Don’t get me wrong, classics can never be replaced and usually it’s the first shelf i check when i get into a bookstore. 

I quickly spotted an interesting title “the Arrival” and decided on buying it. I didn’t want to spent more time than necessary since i had to get a pizza for tonight and it was already getting late. 

I was flipping through the pages of my book when walking towards the check out.

“I am so sorry, didn’t see you there” the guy whom i just run into apologised to me and bent down to pick up the book i dropped. 

“I am sure it’s not your fault. I get really distracted when i read” 

He gave me the book and i did nothing but stare at him.

POV 2: Hunter 

And thus, it all began! 

Sleepless nights talking for hours over the phone. We would buy secret presents for each other and i wrote her love letters whenever she was feeling down. We would plan movie nights at my place or hers once a week. We would order take-out food and watched some Spielberg or Rob Reiner. We both liked mystery and romance so the pick on such matters was quit easy. 

We loved nature and therefore camping soon became our thing. I could read to her for hours and hours, under the starry night, just to here her giggle when Rochester met Jane or when Elizabeth fell for Darcy. 

Our first house was rather a small one. I wasn’t very comfortable but she seemed to enjoy it. She liked plants and so she placed them everywhere: in the kitchen, the balcony, even in the bathroom. “Don’t you feel like a hobbit coming straight out from a fairytale?” She would say teasingly “not when i can hear the hissing sound of the trains every five minutes or so”. I would answer. 

We only bought a bigger house when we started talking about children and starting a family. 

She wanted to have two, “To make sure they both look like us” she would tell me, giving me a rapid kiss on the forehead. 

I adored that house. Two bathrooms, a big living room and a fireplace. Buy that time she had already published two books and I had my own office as a phycologist right down the street. 

We were financially stable and started saving for our future plans. 

For her birthday I got her a trip to Paris. Who knew that looking at someone devouring a gigantic croissant would make me propose.

We got married in October 3rd because Fall was her favourite of all seasons. 

I can still picture her white dress - a ball gown - a princes coming down the aisle. Sleeves off the shoulder. A bouquet of white flowers in her arms. White flowers all over the place. 

“I do” she said looking straight into my eyes and i kissed her as if it was the first time. 

The day after the wedding we left for our honeymoon. We rented a van and spent a whole month travelling around Europe. 

We lost each other in Rome because of a stupid fight i can’t remember now. I found her crying on the “Spanish steps”. I sat next to her and we cried together. We rarely had serious fights, but when we did, we had to be both vulnerable in order to make up. 

We had our first child two years after we got married. Little Parker seemed to grow up so fast. 

He had his first birthday. And then his first steps. And then kindergarten. 

Some nights, when we couldn’t sleep we would talk about his future, going to college and bringing his girlfriends home and other things that felt centuries away. 

When Parker turned four we had our second child. A girl. I wanted to name her Rosie but she insisted on Layla and so it happened. Layla soon turned fourteen. “I am telling you! I HATE BOYS!” she screamed and locked herself in her room after her first breakup with that silly Chad. 

Time went buy like a glimpse of a dream. Our children got married and flew away. 

We got older and couldn’t keep a big house anymore. We moved to the country. Spent our days visiting our children and grand children. When they would come over, she always baked a pie and I had the house ready in case it got late and they couldn’t leave until the next morning. 

In days of silence, when we were up early for the sunrise, I would hold her hand, look her in the eyes and think “she may be old, but she has never aged a day” and as if she knew I was proud of everything she was and everything we did, she would turn up and say “we made it”.

“Hey, dude are you ready to go? I’m kinda bored” 

“What?” I said, confused of what was happening and where I was. I felt a hand on my shoulder and turned around. 

“Oh hey Emily! How’s it going?” Mark said to the girl standing in front of me. I can’t believe i forgot I was here with Mark. 

“Hey” she murmured and gave me a smile before she turned around and left. 

I couldn’t help but keep staring at her as she was leaving. I couldn’t thing about doing anything else. 

“Dude! Are you alright?” Mark said and started pushing me.

Words wouldn’t come out of my mouth right “Yeah, yeah I’m good, fine actually. Emily. So do you know her?” 

“I was hooking up with her friend man” 

“Do you have her number?” I asked, trying not to sound desperate.

“Hunter just got a crush hah?” He said with a smirk “Sorry dude, i don’t have it. I know where she leaves though” 

“Really? Where?” 

“I’ll tell you after we catch a couple of beers, come on!” 

POV 1: Emily 

“I swear he was perfect!” I told Abbey when we were putting the boxes in her car

“You didn’t even talk to him!” 

“And that’s why i should see him again” i cried.

I can’t remember for how long we stared at each other. All i could think about was how it would be growing old with him. There was something about him. Something so incredibly familiar. I don’t know if it was his eyes or his smile or something greater i cannot recognise. I just have to see him one more time or more. Maybe i should go find him right now! 

“Will you stop staring and help me with all this boxes? Please” Abbey said distracting me from my thoughts. 

“Do you think we should stay?” I asked without much processing the words.

“Oh honey, we can’t. You know it won’t be easy going all this way to work and back everyday, it takes a lot of time and money. Besides they already gave our apartment to someone else” 

Her words were not at all comforting. But she was right. It wouldn’t be practical. I guess living my hopes up to fate was my new “thing” now. 

“Do you think I’ll see him again” I cried when we got in the car ready to leave. 

“Maybe in another life” she teased me.