I'll Trade You!

I might as well start off telling you, I lost my eye in an unfortunate fork accident. When I was a kid, I use to flip my fork off the table by putting it on the edge of the table, and SLAMMING my palm on the end of it. If I had a quarter for everytime my Mother told me to stop, my first fake eye could have been glass! She never lets me forget that incident either. It's kinda her "go to" when I don't listen, even at my age. I'm older now, how much smarter remains to be seen.

Coming in from the bar one night I stumbled up the porch steps, and stood for a moment. I opened the door, and collapsed in a chair. I was half drunk this night, sweating in that chair with the window open, letting in every drop of humidity there was. Not enough sense to close the windows, and turn on the air. I sat there dripping , sinking into my own sweat in the old chair. My fake eye started to itch. I began to rub my eye but it didn't help, it just made it itch more! So here I sit drunk, with an itchy eye. What should I do? Oh I Know! So, I popped it out, and laid it on the table. Now, I know I should have taken it off, and put it in saline. That's where it belonged. But you know how it is when you've been drinking. Believe me, I wish I had. About that time, a crow had landed on the window sill, and was eyeing me. He just sat there looking. Staring. I thought about closing the window. Drunk, that thought floated away. A second of clarity, I see the Crow again!

"What are you looking at, I yell, as I reach down and toss a shoe at the damn thing. He keeps eyeing me. Turning his head from side to side, kinda sizing me up. He doesn't move. He just stares. Straight into my soul, searching for a bit to pull off. His eyes look like black holes boring into mine. The hair on my neck stands up, as I click the tab off another beer. I lazily drink that beer down, not taking my my eye of that Crow. He never took his eye off me. But he kept grinning. Like he knew a secret! The beer was warm, and I was tired. I stared at the crow some more til sleep over came my half drunken ass.

I fell asleep in the chair with that bird eyeing me. It was the last thing I remember seeing. But I dreamed of that Crow. He was still in the window. Still laughing. Still grinning. I tossed, and turned. It was a very restless sleep.

Grampa! Time to get up! Oh Lord... I'm still in that chair. My vision is half gone. Oh man.

I look around for my eye. All I see are beer cans. Oh shit. I have to shake each can just to make sure. I don't think I would have put it there, but hey! I had to look. Nope! Just a tab in each can. I look down on the floor, I get on my hands and knees. Nope.

Now I'm getting a bit anxious! I see the open window! And I remember the Crow! OMG!! I'm sure the damn bird has my glass eye. He's no longer there! Where is he!? I run to the window, and I see him. He's mocking me! He has a beady eye turned on me, and he's grinning an evil bird grin! Oh shit.

What am I going to tell my wife?! I look at that Crow. I curse that crow. I thought unkind things about that Crow. I cursed him some more. Then I cursed him again. Then I turned my back on the hungry thief. I cursed him once more.

So with no other option, I dug around in the drawer, and found the first plastic prosthetic eye I had made, and popped it in. I stood at the mirror, it was glaringly obvious! That DAMN bird I mutter as I walk away. I went down to breakfast. No one noticed! That kinda irritated me. Do you people even see me? Am I that old, that you just look through me now?!

All right! So far so good. I was still angry at that damn Crow. Sneaky bird!! I was thinking of ways to repay my feathered friend all thru breakfast, as I crunched that bacon, I was thinking of that bird! Still a little angry at them for not noticing, I thought about them as I crunched my toast quiet loud!

Later that afternoon my grandson wanted to play, and I agreed. He brought a box and opened it. There, amongst several marbles was my eye!! My beautiful glass eye! Hey! "That's mine" I said. Grampa you said we could trade! Wait. What? Yes! I asked you last night If we could make a trade, and you said yes!! I put two green cat eyes on your dresser!!

OMG!

The bird was mocking me because he saw me drunk, trading off my eye for two marbles!! And he laughed! That damn bird laughed.

I had to get my eye back. My grandson was rolling it in his fingers. It was a beauty! A luscious shade of dark green. He didn't take his eyes off it. It was a fair trade! He wanted to keep it. It was the only one like it he had ever seen. It was his! Fair, and square! He gave his best two marbles for it! What did I have to trade a five year old? Just how much will it cost? He looked at me with deep blue eyes, searching my face for signs it was okay, that he could keep it. But I needed it. So I made the deal.

It cost me a trip to Disney! But I got my eye.

That bird? He still comes to the window to mock me. I feel he's justified.