Overcoming Abuse and Healing

The Beginning

Now when he is finally here, he is scared of the unknown as a result of the trauma he endured all his life. Twenty five years ago, Lee was born in the midst of a storm, with a dirt spoon in his mouth, and survived an almost premature death with Jaundice. His father, who was a new architect who recently got his first job, didn't have enough money to get his son treated, and borrowed some money to save his life.

Lee spent the first 5 years of his life in his village, being homeschooled by his parents and his uncle. Like most kids around there, he lived a regular life; learning to read and write, and spending his days playing with his friends.

The Change that Changed Everything

Things started to take the wrong turn when he relocated with his parents to a big city. His childhood was soon disrupted when his dad's expectations of him being a perfect child, if such a thing exists, started causing trouble to him. He used to be a very nice, polite, obedient and sincere kid in school and at home, and a bright student, but sadly, he couldn't become a perfect child as per his father's expectations.

Unable to walk upon those expectations lead him to being screamed at and getting punished for no apparent reasons. As a child, he stopped receiving the kindness, love or support of his father. The clock started ticking slower as screams and small punishments turned into beatings, curse, humiliation and abuse, which started taking a toll on his mental health since a very young age.

The Night of Dusk

When he was 11, he was almost beaten to death, his clothes were taken away, and he was thrown out of the house naked on a cold december night. After half an hour, he was taken inside, threatened to get killed unless he behaves, and was sent to sleep.

It was a very dark night, and it brought a deep change in his life. That half-an-hour felt like eternity. He sat on the cemented road against the wall of his house feeling cold to his spine, sobbing, folding his legs and his arms near his chest to keep himself warm, wondering if he is going to die tonight. His breath did a bad job at keeping his forearms warm, and chilling winds hit him like a storm. He once looked at the road at the end of the street wondering if he should leave, but he was too afraid and in shock to begin anything. The night sent shockwaves to his senses. It robbed his innocence and changed him forever.

Aftermath

Time started to pass even more slowly. Nothing empowers authority as much as silence, and this was just the beginning of a seemingly never-ending suffering. Lee went on to become the silent kid, who chose not to talk to his teachers, not to share his day at school with anyone, to eat his lunch alone, and to make no friends.

Although he didn't lose his life in the process, he lost a good part of himself... his self-worth, his confidence, his innocence, his presence of mind, his childhood, his happiness, his hopes and dreams. The experiences changed his perspective on how he sees people, adults, his friends, people who are nice to him, strangers, and all the smiling faces he used to see during his small interactions with people.

Stage of Pivot

There is a beautiful thing about misery : Too much of it makes you stronger and less fearful. What Lee endured since a very young age started filling him with non-compliance of the rules he was supposed to follow, and built in him a nothing-to-lose attitude, which was enough to slowly turn him into a rebel. As his problems picked up speed and his mental health deteriorated rapidly, he decided to reduce complying to his higher authority. And in spite of seriously lacking self-respect and confidence, now he started speaking up for himself.

All this was before the internet, so he couldn't approach anyone online or find support or ideas to add a cushion to his journey. But he started realising that he isn't as stupid or bad as he was made to believe since ever. He started realising that it isn't about him, and that it was his environment that was toxic.

Found and Lost

His internal and external battles made him sick, tired, wounded and exhausted. He went into depression and tried to commit suicide twice by the age of 17. But things started shifting during this time when he met a girl in the last year of his high school, whose aura he found addictive.

She was Scarlett, a 5'1", 16 year old teenage girl with broad eyes and mascara, a long braid of dark hairs, and a contagious smile. Her radical femininity, her kindness and a passion for life started to heal him. In spite of fighting with her own issues, she came like a torch in his tunnel of darkness and started to pull him out and heal him, without even realizing it. And with this, he fell in love for the first time in his life.

Lee went to school every day, even while getting wet in rain, just to see her face and hear her voice everyday, and she started getting close to him as well. He didn't feel worried or nervous around her, instead she provided warmth to his troubled heart and soul. So far, those were the best days of his life. Her presence was the escape to all his problems, and he even started leaving his depression behind.

But the kites who fly too close to each other eventually get cut and fly away for ever. After a couple of months since this story started, the high school days got over, and their path separated forever, leaving their story incomplete. And with this, his old demons returned home once again.

The Ultimate Realization

Soon after, he got access to the internet, and he quickly figured out that the traits of his father were that of a cold-blooded narcissist and sociopath. Over the period of a few months, the clouds of doubt settled and he was finally sure that he got abused as a child and there is nothing wrong with him, that he is in deep trouble, and that his situation is only going to get worse unless he escapes from his so-called home.

At the same time, he was restrained from choosing a career for himself and from talking to people about it, and was forced to pursue a career he didn't like i.e. that of an accountant. Why? He didn't know.

Newfound Mission

By this time, he was sure that he needs to escape at any cost, and soon he made an escape plan. He figured out that he will need $500 to relocate and start a new life with the basics, so the plan was very simple : To somehow collect $500 and run for his life. The plan was ridiculously easy, and he wanted to leave within the next couple of months, but things got equally interesting from here.

He made attempts to start learning a variety of things and doing different jobs he could get his hands on, but he was abused more for making such attempts. Now it was evident that he cannot learn and earn while his dad knew about it, and he was left with limited choice, which was to learn and earn completely under the radar.

He had a less than usual relation with his mother, and couldn't figure out if his mother was with or against him. Sometimes she stood by his side; at other times she mocked him and made fun of him for every little mistake. One day she (apparently) used to support him with a few of his future plans he used to share; on another day she didn't care about his happiness at all.

Era of Execution

After 4 years of completing his studies, he started stumbling upon and failing at jobs like sales, teaching, photography and fitness. During this time, he sat at home and did nothing in the eyes of his family, friends and the world because he was not allowed to work, whereas in reality he decided to pursue writing, because it looked like an easy way to earn money and escape.

He began with pitching business and finance magazines as a guest contributor, but his desperation to earn money came out as obvious, and his knowledge and skillsets were not enough to break into the industry. After pitching dozens of publications over a couple of years, all he got was silence, and once in a while, rejection e-mails. Apparently, this industry wasn't for him, but his situation and desperation didn't leave many choices to him.

Road to Progress

After two years of failing miserably and declining mental health, he decided to quit pitching and started looking for freelance work in order to start earning while staying under the radar to avoid further trouble. Due to rigid terms he could work on : Part-time and flexible working, poor commitments and his frequent sickness and psychological challenges, and his lack of experience and exposure, he could barely work on and complete projects, and so could barely make any money in months.

After 8 months of working a little here and a little there, he landed a bigger project which paid him almost three figures a month. In the next 4 months, he managed to collect $500 in total in a secret bank account; the money he dreamed of collecting 7 years ago to leave his home-in-disguise. After all the hard work, it was time to finally leave.

Lee, a 25 year old light-skinned guy with dark eyes, a thin beard, round spects lying on his nose and a heart full of hope, was ready to achieve the biggest mission of his life : To leave his parents' house.

The End of Tunnel

One sunny afternoon, he packed his bag consisting of his official documents, one-time meal, half a grand money and his extra spects, and boarded a train to another state 700 miles away from his city. He was scared about a lot of things at this moment, mostly about him getting caught and returning to his hell, which made his heart throb and his stomach sick.

In 4 hours, he crossed the boundaries of his state, and practically, now he was out of range of his broken family, who will never be able to reach him again to gain his possession.

Flashbacks

He started to remember all the things that happened with him throughout these years : The excuses of smiles he got with his friends, the moments of joy and bliss he shared with the love of his life that he wanted to marry, the moments of hope he experienced when in pain, the moments when he felt he won't survive his challenges, the moments when he begged in front of God to show up for help, the moments he lost and found himself, the moments he loved and hated himself, and everything in between, and he shook his head.

His heart filled with a blend of emotions, his eyes filled with tears that dropped on his spects making them blur, his hands rested on his knees and his lungs screamed in silence.

Happy Ending

After a few minutes of crying, he realized that life sometimes takes a wrong turn, which isn't fair at all, but there is little one can do about it. But if you have been given a cactus, you do not necessarily need to sit on it, which, even better, is gone now for ever.

He realized that his days of crying are now over, and that it's time to take off and shine. Although he doesn't know yet where his life will take him, he is more than glad to travel this road. He wiped his tears, cleaned his spects, placed the palm of his left hand on his tired, slowly beating and healing heart, closed his eyes, and said with all his soul, "Thank you, God. Thanks an awful lot".