Raining Cats AND Dogs?

It was the culmination of centuries of work. For the first time in our history, we were about to make true contact with an alien species. For me? I thought back on my life as I waited. Everything had led up to this point. I had always known there was something beyond what we knew, and I had always known that I needed to get involved.

Our descent onto their planet was incredible. These aliens don’t live in skyscrapers or clean suburbs, but in small communities scattered across miles of forest. As our craft neared the surface, I remember my awe at seeing the planet they had made their home. The surface is completely covered in mile-high trees that touched clouds, and beneath the canopy is a Boy Scouts paradise, filled with endless streams, plants, animals, and virgin forest.

I thought back to Rusty, back on my craft, patiently waiting for my return. Such incredible creatures. Completely inadvertently, without communication, intelligence, or thumbs, these wild wolves became our loved dogs. We feed them, love them, house them, and all they need to do is sit there and look cute. I’ll never know what we did to deserve the loyalty, but I think that it could just be down to the human race’s superior intelligence.

My thoughts are interrupted by a rumbling corridor as the alien procession enters through my craft’s open door. The impressively stocky race is surprisingly short, but their features are strong and their shoulders are wide. They wear long robes which begin at their waist and drag on the floor behind them, and they have gargantuan noses that protrude from their face like Mount Everest would in a desert.

The aliens are touchy, and as I reach forward with the translator they growl a warning and use their bone handled daggers to move me back. It takes some time, but I get their leader to put on a translator. A tentative but husky voice greets me.

For the first time in our history the human race will make face-to-face contact with an alien species. My words will be the first.

A million things to say pop into my head, but I see a sleek, collar wearing house cat running between the legs of our companion’s esteemed leaders.

"Hi, we come in ... what's .. that?" I blurt out before I can stop myself. The translator turning my confusion into the alien dialect.

The universal translator responds in like to the aliens speech, "It is called a Cat. We too welcome you in peace. We have enjoyed talking to you over the subspace communications relay .."

I'm afraid to say that I completely zoned out here. This was impossible, wasn't it. The furry echo of my long-passed Mr Nibbles was currently winding it's way through their Leader's legs. I was only brought out of my reverie by a fat tabby attempting to do the same to me. reflexively I reached down and gave it a scratch on it's head.

".. and after the meeting we will discuss a possible trade agreement."

Oh shit, what had he just said. I'll have to review the translator playback. We don't let them know it's also a recording device, and we'd be naive to not include it, right?

"That's sounds good, your majesty." I say, hoping the honorific will be translated appropriately as I bow appropriate to their custom.

"May I also ask, have you always had cats?"

The Leader's face moves into an approximate smile as he replies, "Oh certainly. They keep vermin at bay and their purring vibrations are most enjoyable. They are protected in our society and many monuments have been risen to commemorate the most famous. I'm slightly embarrassed to say that many of us consider them as part of the family.

He then asked: Do you not have pets on your world?"

I pause, and choose my words very carefully. "We do."

"Oh, are they similar to our Cats?"

"Very similar, almost identical actually."

"That is quite a coincidence! Evolution can be fascinating."

"Of course!" I say, cheerfully. I'm finding diplomacy with these specific aliens quite pleasant. "Perhaps there may be other creatures we share?"

"Such as?" he politely replies.

"Dogs?"

"What?" he asks. I notice his face has lost the smile-like expression.

"Canines?" I ask politely, the translator at my hip turning it into the alien speech.

Suddenly motion erupts. The leader's bodyguards step in front of him, aggressively pressing forward with their signature knives as a variety of different alien voices start to shout at each other. The translator falls silent, unable to separate out a single coherent speaker from among then. My heart races as I've obviously misspoken. I start to back away into my own entourage.

Finally the shouting comes to a halt as the Leader regains the composure of his staff.

"I'm sorry, but I'm afraid I'm going to have to ask you and your race to leave." he says, the clipped tone on his alien tongue betraying his displeasure, while his eyes show a hint of…fear?

I finally get back up to my craft, the ascent in the shuttle is long and tense. At least they didn't shoot us down, or worse. I breathe a sigh of relief when I finally get to my quarters and scratch my pupper behind his ear.

"Oh Rusty, I thought I was doing so well."

Rusty nuzzles his brown nose up under my hand, hoping for tummy rubs.

"I mean, everything was going smoothly, we were talking about their cats, then when I mentioned dogs they suddenly got angry."

Rusty pauses as I say this, his brown brows furrowing. He barks and growls a couple of times.

The translator crackles to life again. "I'm sorry Jessica, but we have to talk, about the cats."

My heart again beats faster again, and I blurt out the first thing that comes to mind. "Holy shit Rusty, you can understand me?"

"Yes, and like I said, you humans and us dogs need to talk, about the cats."