Time with Grandpa

This weekend was so exciting.  

My Grandpa moved in with us.  

My Mama and Daddy say he is sick.  He doesn’t look sick to me.  I don’t see any bandaids. He isn’t throwing up.  He isn’t running a fever.

My Mama said he needed for us to take care of him so he came to stay.  Whatever the reason I’m just happy to see him.  He seemed sad so I ran and jumped up on his lap.  He gave me snuggles and I gave him the tightest hug I could.  

Grandpa helps to do dishes as a chore and clean up his room in the basesment.  I like that he has to do chores like me and my brother.  Mama and Daddy say that everyone has to help out around the house unless they can’t.  

My Grandpa sits on the floor with me while I play with my blocks.  He helps me build a tower.  He reads stories to me too but, he doesn’t do the voices the way my Mama does.  

My Grandpa hangs out with my brother a lot.  Mama says they are two peas in a pod.  The two of them enjoy watching a mystery show on the tv and every time an episode ends they both look at each other with a need to know more like a hungry tiger looking for it’s next meal.  They both say, “One more?”

After Grandpa lives with us for a while our house feels different.  Everyone seems worried.  Mama and Daddy are too busy to play with me.  My brother seems different too.  I want our house to feel normal again.  I like when Grandpa came to visit instead of live with us.  

Grandpa has started to stay in his room more often and he doesn’t do his chore of the dishes anymore.  He doesn’t even make his bed either but it seems silly to make it if you aren’t getting out of it very often.  

When he does go outside he likes to sit in the sun on a lawn chair, while my brother and I play on our playground.  Sometimes he seems happy, other times he seems sad and sometimes he even seems mad.  I don’t understand what is happening but I just want Grandpa back to being silly and having fun.  

Grandpa was going to the doctor all of the time but now my Mama and Daddy say Grandpa has to have nurses come and see him at home.  He is too sick to go to the doctor anymore.  He still doesn’t look sick.  He just sleeps A LOT.  He stares off into space and sometimes it seems like he is a statue.

The nurses come and help Grandpa a lot.  Grandpa has become grumpy.  I think he needs a snack and a hug.  So we watch a movie with a big bowl of popcorn.  I catch him crying when the movie ends.  I don’t know why he would cry it had a happy ending.  Olaf came back to life from the waterfall.  We were watching Frozen 2 it’s one of my favorites. 

I came home from school today and my parents tell my brother and I that Grandpa has to move.  He is moving to a placed called Hospice.  I’m not sure where it is but the nurses will stay with him to help him feel the best he can. 

I feel an ache in my heart. “I will miss him.”  I say to my Mama and Daddy.  

My brother says nothing but just seems sad.  I don’t understand what’s happening but my heart says I don’t like it.  I don’t think anyone else does either.

Mama and Daddy hug me and say we can visit him everyday.  We go and visit but it feels different than having Grandpa at home.  The only happy part is Grandpa has a drawer of candy that he lets me dig in and get a piece and, the nurses give my brother and I a cup of ice cream. 

One afternoon though Grandpa started to gasp for air.  It was very scary.  His face told me it was scary for him too.  My Mama had my brother take me to the hallway and watch cartoons but I still wondered why my Grandpa made that noise.  

Grandpa has stopped talking now.  He just sleeps all of the time.  

My family is sad.  They are crying.  My Mama has tears on her cheeks.  They say Grandpa has died.  I think that means he won’t wake up.  Maybe he is dreaming about his Mama.  He told me he wanted to see her.  I hope he dreams of her.

My Mama says in a few days we will have a party to celebrate Grandpa’s life. 

We go to a special place.  My Grandpa is laying very still in a box! He doesn’t wake up to give me a hug.  My cousins and whole family are there.  We tell stories about Grandpa. They are funny but he does not wake up to laugh with us.

It feels like a long time has passed since I’ve seen Grandpa.  I asked my parents if we were going to see him at hospice.  They said, “No buddy because he died.”

I’m starting to understand it means dying is more than just not waking up.  It means I won’t see his face. I won’t feel his hugs. I won’t hear him laugh.  I don’t like this feeling.

Mama says we can go get ice cream and tell Grandpa stories to not miss him so much.  My Grandpa loved ice cream and ate it almost every day when he lived with us. 

We also hung a picture of Grandpa and I in my room and now it feels like he isn’t so far away.  

After a very long time we go to see what Mama calls Grandpa’s grave.  We put flowers on it.  They are blue ones and I picked them out for him.  I don’t want to leave him all alone but Mama says it is time to go.  I start to feel my eyes water.  Mama turns and sees my face and then she hugs me and tells me she misses Grandpa too.  She starts to tell me a story to make me happy again.  She always tries to make me happy. It helps for a minute but the sadness is still there. As we drive away I tell her, “I wish the time of Grandpa would come back.” 

“Me too,” she says “me too.” I see her wipe tears off of her face and I know I’m not the only one feeling sad.