Our Cabin

This was her first Christmas without him. This used to be her favourite time of year and by now the cabin would have been covered in decorations - inside and out. Amanda and her husband had owned this cabin for 50 years, almost as many years as they’d been married.

Every Christmas for 50 years they had come here. At first they were newly weds with a bright future. They would build snow forts and throw snowballs at each other. They would build snowmen and decorate them with carrot noses. Then, while they watched from inside, the deer would come and enjoy the bright orange treats. With a warm fire blazing in the hearth, they would lie on the thick rug on the floor, sipping wine and planning their future.

Then came the kids. A boy first, that they named Peter after Jim’s father. Amanda had never known him as he had died in WW2 on Juno Beach. He died a hero, saving three of his men. His medals still hung over that same fireplace.

Next was Sarah. She was named after Amanda’s mother who had also died young giving birth to Amanda’s brother. Jack never knew his mother and they had made sure that no one ever blamed him for his death. Their father had worked very hard to make certain that Amanda and Jack were loved.

Their third and last child was Mark. They chose the name Mark after he was born. They didn’t know what to call him as he had been a bit of a surprise. It was Sarah who came up with the name when Amand and Jim brought him home from the hospital. She looked at him and declared that he looked like a Mark. The name stuck. He was the wildest and most charismatic of the three. They never knew what he would do next and they spent many a night in the emergency department after one of his escapades.

They were a loving family and had their issues. Mostly they all got along and enjoyed life. Everyone’s favourite place was the cabin, especially in the winter. It seemed magical with snow glistening on the trees. They spent every Christmas there even after the kids moved out, got married and had kids of their own.

Nothing could have prepared her for the worst day of her life six months ago. It was a warm June day and she was in the garden weeding. She used to love that garden, but now she couldn’t stand to look at it.

A wonderful neighbour had taken over caring for it. Amanda just couldn’t bring herself to deal with it. 

A police car pulled into her driveway and two officers stepped out. She stood up and dropped the trowel she had been holding. Everyone knew that when two police officers came to your house that it was bad news. Her mind was racing as she tried to think of which member of her family this could be about.

Her heart sank as she remembered that Jim had been on his way home from Montreal. He was still a Board member of the company he had founded and they had had a big shareholder’s meeting that morning. Jim had called her before he left saying that he had a surprise for her when he got back.

He always did that whenever he was away. Usually it was something small like a chocolate bar, but every once-in-awhile it would be something spectacular like a beautiful flower, or a unique painting. Once, heh had even brought home a puppy. Stumpy had been the most amazing dog and had lived to be eighteen. They always had a dog, but he had been the most gentle and smart of all of them.

All of these thoughts raced through her mind as the officers walked up her driveway. She started to cry before they even reached her. They were so understanding and took her inside the house into the living room. As the all sat down, they explained that there had been a terrible accident on the highway between Montreal and Ottawa.

Jim had survived the initial impact, butu being Jim, he had to help. He got out of his car and by all eye witness accounts, he helped save six people from their cars. One of the victims was a young child and Jim sat with him until emergency personnel arrived. That’s when the unthinkable happened.

Jim had just stood up when he saw a car swerving out of control. The driver was on his phone and hadn’t noticed the pile of cars until the last minute. Several police and firefighters had to jump out of the way to avoid being hit. One officer was trying to help a woman still trapped in her car and hadn’t noticed the car barrelling towards him.

Jim was close by and ran towards the officer. Just before the car slammed into both of them, Jim grabbed the officer and threw him to the ground. The care hit him and sent him flying. The officers said that he didn’t suffer as the impact killed him instantly.

Amanda couldn’t stop crying. The man she loved, had always loved, was dead. The father of her children, her best friend, her confidante, her lover, her partner no longer existed. It was unreal and she wanted to scream, but the only sound she could make was a whimper. 

By the time the officers had notified her children and they arrived, Amanda was exhausted. Sarah helped her to get into bed and gave her the sedative the doctor had prescribed. Amanda had no idea how long she had slept and the next few weeks were a haze.

There wasn’t a funeral as Jim didn’t like them. He said they were depressing. He had planned a celebration of life and Amanda was amazed at how many people attended. She put on her best face during the “celebration”, but couldn’t help but wonder who came up with that term. This was no celebration for her.

Financially, she was secure and she had many family members and friends around to make sure she was okay. It didn’t matter how many people came by or how often her kids tried to cheer her up. She tried her best to convince them that she was okay. They had to grieve too.

Several months after his death, Jim was awarded a posthumous medal of bravery from the Prime Minister. There was a ceremony and pictures and Amanda went home with he framed medal. Of course it had to above the mantle of the fireplace at the cabin beside his father’s medals.

That’s what she was looking at now. Snow was softly falling and it was very quiet. Amanda didn’t know if she’d ever get over Jim’s death. He had been her other half. When people talked about soul mates, she knew that Jim had been hers. In a few hours her kids and grandkids would arrive and they would spend time decorating and getting ready for Christmas.

She started crying again. Amanda never realized that she could feel so horrible. I was like someone had ripped her heart out of her body, but she hadn’t died. She was existing and that was it. Nothing made sense anymore and she had seriously thought about ending her life. As she struggled with her thoughts, she heard a strange sound outside.

She listened at the door and thought it sounded like something was crying. She wiped the tears from her eyes and opened the door. In the snow, she saw the most adorable, roly-poly puppy she’d ever seen. As soon as she opened the door, the puppy ran inside. 

He shook the snow off his fur and laid down on the rug in front of the fire. He looked at Amanda as if to invite her over. She smiled, an actual, honest-to-goodness smile from her soul. She sat beside the puppy who looked up at her with dark brown soulful eyes. She picked him up and made sure that he was okay.

Later, when her family arrived and she told them how the puppy had adopted her, everyone laughed and took turns playing with him. They decided that he needed a name and Mark’s youngest immediately yelled out “Let’s call him Pepper!”

It was a strange name for a yellow puppy, but it stuck and Pepper it was. That dog saved Amanda’s life and no one could ever convince her that he hadn’t been sent by Jim to look after her. It was just what he’d do.

She would never stop missing Jim, but at least now she had Pepper. As she watched him play in the snow after her family left, she said a silent thank you to Jim for sending her Pepper. What else could it have been when she had been at her lowest point? Jim had always made sure that she was happy and now was no exception. She may never fully recover from Jim’s death, but now she had someone to care for.

As she thought about Jim, Pepper came up to her, jumped on her lap and gave her a big wet kiss on her nose. She knew then that she’d be okay.