Terminated from a Job to Finally Live

Nicole sits down in front of the Sheriff, and he says, "You're a great Deputy and an asset to this agency. You have done a lot of amazing things here. However, none of that matters." Her heart melts to the floor, the same way the weight melted off her shoulders when she got sworn in, and tears run down her face. Nicole pleads for her job, states she is not done yet doing the work she had to do, feeling like she still needed to change lives and help people. She is getting fired. But let's go back to how it all started.

May 30th, 2017, "Nicole West," as the announcer calls her name, Nicole approaches Sheriff Daniel Tomeo as she is about to get sworn in as a Deputy Sheriff for the Juliet County Sheriff's Office. She has dreamed of this moment for ten years. Nicole has worked as a 911 Dispatcher for seven years at the Sheriff's Office. She has lost 100 pounds and has been relentlessly challenging herself to get to this point. She has done about 100 ride alongs, made friends, influenced co-workers, and felt in her prime. However, she has been through what she would describe as a mountain of obstacles to get here. Finally, the Sheriff swears her in under oath, shaking her hand and expressing how proud he is of her.

When she gets back to her chair, she takes a huge sigh of relief, letting the weight off the world fall off. She finally made it; she got her dream job. Nicole had high hopes, plans, and aspirations. She finally had a stable job, with the benefits to have a lifelong career. This was important to Nicole because she did not have stability as a child. She finally felt free and happy. One year later, Nicole has her gun in front of her, tears in her eyes, ready to put it in her mouth and end the suffering. "How did this happen to me," she says. "How did I end up here? I'm worthless,” Nicole says as she takes a swig of Crown Apple and places the gun in her mouth. How did Nicole get here? If this was indeed her dream job, why does she want to die?

Let's go back to her time at the Sheriff's Office. Nicole wanted to become a Deputy Sheriff to help others how she was helped throughout her life. Her most important goal was to change one person's life. Little be known, she changed the lives of several, and they changed hers. During her time, she was a proactive Deputy but empathetic. She was one of the top Deputies at the Sheriff's Office in her first year. She made many outstanding arrests, worked overtime, and did more in one year than some Deputies do in five years. Nicole was also lucky enough to get the vehicle assigned to her that she did all of her ride alongs in; it was sentimental.

Furthermore, she was working with her best friend from the Police Academy, Karen Owens. She and Karen were inseparable; they couldn't imagine working alongside anyone else. Nicole was patrolling a high drug area, meeting multiple drug addicts every day, and was making significant arrests out of that neighborhood.

Nicole became close with the drug addicts in her area. She was always an available resource for the members of that community as well as the addicts. She always offered to help. Specifically, she began to develop a relationship with a drug dealer who was also an addict, Dave Ocean. Later, Nicole and Dave become inseparable, and Dave gets sober. But we can revisit that later.

With all those wins came a loss. While she had gained a career full of success, it came with losing friends and family. She had no social life and couldn't hold a stable relationship; she always put her career first. Despite working out six days a week and eating proper nutrition, Nicole often got sick and struggled to keep some weight off. Nicole fell into a deep depression and began seeing a therapist every two weeks.

Nicole wasn't sure why she felt she needed a therapist, but she did. Unsure why she was unhappy, despite her getting everything she wanted. Nicole started making small mistakes at work, and she wrecked her patrol car twice. At the second accident, Nicole's Sergeant, Joseph Moore, said, "Are you okay? What is going on?" Nicole said, "I have been working eighty hours a week, I am having issues at home, and I am not allowed to take time off." Sergeant Moore was a hard ass, always saying, "everything's fine; push harder." What he didn't know was he was pushing himself too hard. Sergeant Moore relentlessly hounded Nicole to do more, even though she was number one on shift, making arrests and doing things that some Deputies haven't done their entire career. Nicole felt she was getting burnt out. Everyone took notice of her behavior change and attitude. She was quieter and always seemed unhappy.

Now, it's September 14th, 2019, and Sergeant Moore called everyone for a briefing at a local gas station that was closed. During that briefing, Sergeant Moore began being extremely negative, speaking poorly about the Sheriff's Office and multiple people in the Chain of Command. Nicole was not saying anything and was not feeling well. Sergeant Moore began mocking Nicole, making fun of her sexual orientation and asking her if she wanted a hug. Nicole was not offended, as they frequently joked around. Then, Sergeant Moore begins to speak poorly about Sheriff Daniel Tomeo. Nicole and Karen were both there, not engaging in the conversation. They both thought of it as typical shift banter but had nothing to contribute. Until Sergeant Moore continues to pry, eventually, this briefing turns into a mini complaining fest. Sergeant Moore then wraps up by giving the actual briefing notes, and the briefing concludes. Approximately one week later, Nicole receives a phone call from Captain Joe Purcell, asking her to come in and speak with Under Sheriff Louie Tomee.

Nicole arrives in the Sheriff's Office suite, wondering what is going on. The Undersheriff says, "Nicole, you can come in now." As she sits down, the Undersheriff is sitting across the desk and says, "You're being placed under an internal investigation; I need your duty weapon and badge." Nicole's world falls around her, and she gets tunnel vision. "What is this about?" she asks. Undersheriff informs her, "It is about a body camera video where there was an inappropriate conversation that was brought to the Sheriff's attention." Nicole could not recall what he was referring to, as she never did anything wrong during her employment there. The Undersheriff did not explain further, took her credentials, and had another employee drive her home to be placed under investigation. Per policy, Nicole could not speak about the investigation or leave her house Monday through Friday from 8 AM to 5 PM. Nicole reaches out to Sergeant Moore and her partner, Karen, to see if they know what's going on. They both inform her they are also suspended pending the outcome of the investigation. Nicole sat in her apartment for approximately one month, not knowing why she was in trouble and feeling like her world would end. All three of them got interviewed during this time, and it was discovered that Sergeant Moore's body camera was accidentally left on during the briefing mentioned previously. Nicole was so confused, as she did not do anything terrible during that incident. But then, she gets a call.

Nicole was close with someone of rank, who called to tell her if she claimed Sergeant Moore was sexually harassing her, she would be able to keep her job. Otherwise, it was not looking good. Nicole refused, as she was not offended and did not want anyone to lose their job. Furthermore, Sergeant Moore had a family to provide for, and she felt he did not deserve termination. A few days go by, and Nicole gets another phone call.

The Undersheriff called Nicole into the Sheriff's Office to receive the outcome of the investigation. Upon arrival, Nicole sees Karen and Sergeant Moore walking in as well. "This is it," Nicole says as they all walk into the Sheriff's Office Suite. One by one, they're called in. Finally, it's Nicole's turn. Nicole sits down in front of the Sheriff, and he says, "You're a great Deputy and an asset to this agency. You have done a lot of amazing things here. However, none of that matters." Her heart melts to the floor, the same way the weight melted off her shoulders when she got sworn in, and tears run down her face. Nicole pleads for her job, states she is not done yet doing the work she had to do, feeling like she still needed to change lives and help people. Specifically, Dave. The Sheriff does not budge and says a multitude of things to degrade her as a person. As Nicole walks out the door, the Sheriff says, "I hope you land on your own two feet."

Nicole gets back to her apartment and starts to mourn. "How could this happen to me," she says. Nicole goes through a whirlwind of emotions over the next few weeks, trying to find a job and making plans for where she may live. Nicole has friends and family who are there for her emotionally. However, financially she ends up homeless and with no money. Nicole grabs her gun, took several sleeping pills, and began to drink a bottle of Crown Apple. Nicole has her gun in front of her mouth, tears in her eyes, ready to put it in her mouth and end the suffering. "How did this happen to me," she says. "How did I end up here? I'm worthless; I will never amount to anything," Nicole says as she takes a swig of Crown Apple and places the gun in her mouth. As she cries, her phone rings. She received a message from Dave, the local substance abuser in her patrol area. Dave needed a phone call as soon as possible. Nicole calls Dave, and he informs her that he is ready to go to rehab. He says, "I remember you said you would always be there for me if I were ready to get sober, I need help, and I am ready."

It wasn't until then, Nicole started to look at her career from an outside perspective. Noticing she was burnt out, making small mistakes, and not caring about meaningful relationships and family. She gave everything to a career that dropped her like a dead fly. Her friends and family were the only ones left. She began to think back as to why she wanted to go into Law Enforcement. Every career Nicole chose before that was something that had to do with helping others. It wasn't until then, Nicole discovered her purpose. She didn't need to be a Deputy to do that. It was at that moment; she vowed to never put her career before those she loved. She would try her best to take care of herself. She wanted to show the Sheriff that she can rise above adversity, regardless of the challenge. She no longer looks to others or a career for her happiness and doesn't need either to fulfill her purpose. She can do that without a badge and gun, probably more effectively.

Nicole goes on to help Dave get sober, taking him to a year-long rehab facility and spending time with him every week for the following year. At Dave's rehab graduation, he says, "You are my best friend; you single-handedly saved my life." Nicole also got to work undercover security at Pixie Park, a major theme park in her area, where she ends up meeting the love of her life, Belle Vaccaro. Nicole was able to build herself back up, get back on her "own two feet," and move on with life. She is happy, and everyone can see it. People she knew often said, "I'm glad the old Nicole is back; I missed her." Then, Nicole and Belle move in together, and something happens they never expected.

A global pandemic was, in effect, COVID-19, a viral illness that was killing thousands. Every business was closed, and they have to spend every waking moment together, inside a small apartment with two dogs. "If we make it through this, we can get through anything," Nicole sarcastically says. Belle agreed. Thousands lost their jobs, including Nicole and Belle. What Belle didn't know was, Nicole planned to propose to her the next month. She almost decided not to do it because they both lost their jobs, and times were hard. Despite the circumstances, Nicole went for it, and Belle said yes! However, the stress remained in Nicole's mind. She was worried about their future and wanted to be able to provide for them both. She felt she only had one option, go back into Law Enforcement. They both discussed it and knew it could be bad for Nicole's mental health, but she felt she had no choice. Nicole also wanted closure; she wanted to see if it was as bad as she thought it was.

Nicole was in contact with former Sergeant Moore, who kept in touch with her and always felt he owed her a job since he was the cause of all her struggles. She explained the situation to him, and he told her to apply at Shady Cloud Police Department. He said they were extremely laid back and would not get her in any trouble. Nicole took his advice and applied for the position. She got the job and was excited and scared to start working in Law Enforcement again. It started well until she started to see others mistreating her. She was constantly yelled at and told she was doing a poor job, despite being number one on shift for call stats and reports, getting released from training in only 12 days out of what should have been three months, and building a rapport with the citizens in her community. Her supervisors, Lieutenant Michael De La Rosco and shift Sergeant, Sergeant Tray Letti, were constantly making rude remarks; her shift partners spoke negatively about her behind her back. Her chain of command repeatedly called Nicole in on her days off to work, refusing to let her have any time off. Nicole began drinking alcohol every night. She drank a bottle of the crown a night to numb the misery. She would often wake up in tears or come home in tears. The job began to consume her life and mental health. Shady Cloud Police Department was FAR WORSE than the Sheriff’s Office. However, Belle was still out of work, and Nicole felt she had no choice but to keep working at the Police Department until she got brought into the office without any reason by her Deputy Chief.

When Nicole asked the Deputy Chief what was going on, he informed her that she would be no longer employed with the Shady Cloud Police Department. Nicole, having gone through this before, did not suck up or plea for her job. Instead, she immediately started ripping her duty gear off and throwing it on the floor. Nicole said to the Deputy Chief, "Where do you want me to put this stuff? Where do I need to sign? I have wanted to quit this job since the first week." The Deputy Chief, shockingly, asked Nicole what was going on and stated the decision blindsided him. Nicole explained the harassment she was dealing with on her shift by Lieutenant De La Rosco and Sergeant Letti, who wrote the memo to have her fired. As a result, Nicole got her job back and an apology from the Deputy Chief and Chief. After two days, She was informed her Lieutenant retired, and she was being called into her Captain's Office. 

The Captain had a termination letter on the desk. It was clear, she wasn't fired the other day because they wanted to protect themselves from a possible lawsuit. After Nicole noticed the Letter, she wrote a letter of resignation and has no regrets. She voiced her concerns about the corrupt department and what she had been through. She told them she already spoke to a lawyer and most likely had grounds for a lawsuit. Despite that, she thanked them for the opportunity and kindly said, "fuck off." Nicole felt amazing, like that weight she had been carrying for so long was lifted yet again; she was FREE.

Nicole realized she worked her whole life to attain that lofty title, and she thought once she achieved it, she would be happy and fulfilled. But, instead, she never felt more lost. She realized that she was taught to get good grades, get a good job, get married, and have kids all this time. She was never told to take care of herself, travel, or find time to love. 

Your purpose does not need to be your job, in the classical sense of the word. Your passion is for you to explore and grow. Don't waste your passion on your narcissistic boss. She realized that a job is just a job, and its purpose is to pay the bills. So, instead of focusing on some lousy title at work, she began focusing on those who mattered most, her family and loved ones. Nicole's life has been hell. She isn't trucking through mud; she's trucking through lava. However, she realized that the little things in between the struggle, and the lessons she learned from it, were the most beautiful things she has ever seen and known. She went on to live a fulfilling and successful life. Successful meaning, she was happy, healthy, and no longer held the weight of the world on her shoulders. Nicole's story is not even close to over; she's just beginning.