The Blind Leading the Blind
“Oh come on Nick, I am not going on another blind date! The last four were terrible.”
“Look Tom, those were Linda's how about Melody, she wasn't that bad.”
“Not that bad! She looked like Foo Foo the dog face girl, she didn't walk she waddled, her
hair looked like a French Poodle with a bowl cut.”
“Nick, you tell Linda no, no more blind dates, I won't go!”
“ah come one Tom, maybe this one will be “Miss Perfect” you never know.”
“I am still having nightmares about the last four. One looked like Dan Blocker in drag,
then there was the horse face girl who howled when laughed. The one with the gravely
voice, you know the bleach bottle blond, who side she was only twenty nine, she was
pushing the other side of thirty. The last one was the worst, she latched onto me, she
kept trying to who knows what. I half expected every time she laughed she was going to
lay an egg.”
I was at the point where I tried to be hide from Nick and Linda I could. Believe me if Nick hadn't cornered me I would be going on a blind date with what? Frankenwoman! The last one Nick had presented me reminded me of bowling ball with hair. This had to get better it could not possibly get any worse in the blind date department. I still have no idea why Nick and Linda simply could not resist trying to match me up with these critters. I knew they meant well; but I wanted to do things my way. You know like meet a girl, ask her out and if she proved to be Miss Right then I would go from there. I did however mean exactly what I told Nick: NO MORE BLIND DATES. I would not do it.
The question is: 'why did I cave in'? Who knows.
Meanwhile Linda is still attempting to coerce her friend Peg to go on “the blind date of a lifetime.”
“Oh no not again, never!!”
“Peg, you won't be disappointed, Tom is such a sweet guy.”
“Yeah, that was what you said about the last four, they were all so sweet. Right.”
How about the one with the continuous eyebrow from one end of his head to the other?”
He was real sweet, he is overly handy. He was trying cop a feel under the table while
we were eating.”
“Okay so Elmer was a crumby choice; you can't have Mr. Perfect every time you go
go out on a date.”
“Better yet how about Homer the Vacuum Cleaner. He ate everything in sight including
half my steak and lobster. Then he started releasing gas, the smell would have cleared out
an entire herd of elephants.”
“Okay, so there were four flops maybe number five will be the charm.”
“Charm my foot! I still have nightmares about Jerry, he looked like he swallowed a bottle of
formaldehyde. He laughed like a hyena. Oh yes, and while we are on the subject what about
that Frandsonse huh? Remember him, he bore a striking resemblance to Frankenstein
monster, I swear he had a green tinge to his skin.”
“Look Peg, so there were some flops but I am telling you Tom is a really sweet, considerate
man. I should know because he is Nick's brother. He may be the brother for you.”
“Yeah or could be the brother from hell. If he is anything like the last one I WILL NEVER
GO ON ANOTHER BLIND DATE WITH YOU AND NICK. DO YOU UNDERSTAND
Peg, hated to sound angry, she and Linda were good friends. Another blind date, she simple shook her head. She had to admit at least an arranged blind date was a little better than the bar scene. She knew she should be thankful that Linda cared about her. Romance simply was not in the cards for her.
Tom, hated the idea of blind dates, it was like the blind leading the blind, more like something Forest Gump stated: “life is like a box of chocolates you never know what you are going to get”. No truer words were ever uttered. Tom, took a good look at himself in the mirror. He was tall, not what you would call handsome, more like distinguished. Basically, he decided that he appeared pretty much as he did in high school. He was more into the grungy scruffy beard look. Hey, maybe a beard would attract the women more. Women, liked guys with beards. Why not?”
Peg walked over to the full length mirror on the bathroom door. She had a nice figure, Her green eyes still flashing in anger. She really did not want to go on a blind date. She thought back in horror at a few more of her so called blind dates. There was Angus Buns err Burns, the Scot who definitely did not wear anything under his kilt. She almost died of embarrassment, as they were walking out to her car. There was a gust of wind and a very nice view of his buns. He lasted for a month. Then there was Morris, the cat faced boy that Jenny had introduced her to. He was a real winner, he kept trying to paw her anytime she came within reaching distance. That was a one night date. Peg, continued to look at her reflection in the mirror. What was wrong with her? She had wavy red hair, green eyes, she was tall and willowy. Her face was freckled. Maybe she looked younger than her twenty three years. She decided to get a hair cut and try a different style of dress. Who knows maybe Mr. Wonderful would happen on this blind date.
Tom, had a couple of days before this latest blind date. He thought of Marsha Long, the name aptly suited her. He was six feet two, Amazon Marsha was six feet ten inches without heals. When they stood side by side he looked like a dwarf next to her. She had lasted for two months. Now here he was going on another blind date. He had visions of this one already. She was no doubt a red head, at least his brother manged to remember he liked red heads. It would be nice if she were shorter than he was, now that would really be a change.
The only information Linda would give Peg was that Tom was Nick's brother. He was tall, dark and very debonair. Translation: He was no doubt a little pip squeak that was going through puberty still. Wonderful, would she ever find the right guy? She had gotten her hair cut and styled the morning of the blind date. She took several deep breaths as she stood on the stoop waiting for what? She could just picture this next one. Tom Blackwood, she shook her head as she pictured him once again. She thought maybe he will be tall, handsome, well okay cute, handsome is not really a requirement. I hope he is a gentleman. She waited patiently as a Red Corvette pulled up. There was this dreamboat.
Tom, took one look at Peg. Wow, was the first thing that came to mind. The second was maybe Linda and Nick made a mistake with the address. She stepped off the stoop, he jumped out to open the door. They had both worried needlessly.