Finding the End of the Rainbow

My little cousin's hand slips into my own as we walk along the lake by her home. Her small fingers intertwine with my mine and I look out with love in my eyes at the glistening water against an azul sky. We had just got done walking along a “secret path” and I find myself breathing a bit more steady than I had in a long time. 

I am truly grateful to be an “older sister”, mentor, and a best friend towards my younger cousins. I have always wanted to have younger siblings. I love to teach and to pass down to the younger generation what I have learned. But, my mother couldn’t have any more kids after me and I was content with that. After all, it has allowed me to draw even closer to my cousins.

Over the years I have witnessed how vital it is for those who are younger to have someone to admire. In reality, I guess we are all trying to emit the qualities of someone who has gone before us. For me, I strive to be like my mother. She is a pillar of strength and the compass that I follow. I love her dearly and I hope to pass down to my younger cousins what she has taught me. All my cousins are boys on my mothers side - yes all of them! Now, I do not mind this. I can certainly shoot some hoops or play videogames with them (although I may have to simmer down hurt feelings when someone loses!). My mom always tells me that I don’t need to be the “babysitter” of the family but I adore it! The time that I have with them is not guaranteed and I know that eventually we all will become intertwined with our own lives. So instead of watching reels on an iphone screen at each family gathering I am immeditabely crowded around by my cousins asking for me to play basketball with them. There is something rewarding about looking after them. Spending time with my younger cousins is like watching a painting get made in real time. I get to see the attributes that will define them, the habits that they carry, and the mannerisms that will always be unique to themselves. Yet, I get to add to the picture. I also get to learn from them as they learn from me. So I guess it wouldn't be a suprise that I would rather eat at the kid table than hang around with the adults.

 Everyday we are rushing and time seems to fly by like a train. So often people tell me that they wish that they were as young as me but little do they realize that there is probably someone who is saying that about their age! We get lost in a cycle of not being in the moment. Whether we think about what life will be like in a week or in a year we tend to forget about what life is like in the here and now. Taking care of my younger cousins has reminded me that all we have is today. Yesterday is gone and tomorrow is never guaranteed but today is ours to grab. 

One time me and my younger boy cousins tried to discover what was at the end of a rainbow. We ran in the pouring rain towards the glistening colors and I will never forget that wonderful child-like joy that enveloped me. I even found myself expecting to find a pot of gold! Yet the more that we ran towards it the farther it seemed to get and we finally had to make our way back to reality. Even though we never answered the age old question, I learned the beauty that comes from embracing life.

Now on my dads side of the family majority of my cousins are girls. I have three little girl cousins and they are equally unqiue and wonderful. They are honest and wear their hearts on their sleeves. Whether holding all of their hands on nature hikes, going around the neighborhood on a golf cart to see fireworks, or hunting for toads in the backyard to catch and release, I am truly grateful for the moments spent with them. 

So often in life I get caught up in my to-do list or in the stress and worries of the future. Time slips from underneath our fingers like sand rushing through an hourglass. Right now the thought of what life is going to be in a year from now overwhelms me and I tend to forget that worrying changes nothing. But being with my younger cousins has taught me that there is more to life than being consumed with what cannot be altered. Embrace the small things; the moments that shape us into who we are. Have an unending sense of wonder and curiosity. Over time, we tend to lose that spark of joy that we had when we were younger. But I have realized that it is never too late to rediscover it again. It is like a treasure locked away in our hearts. Even though it can get buried over the years, it is still there. We all have the key to discovering a fullness of life that only those who have not fully lived experience. 

All in all, family will always be beside you. Life truly shows you who will stand by you in the end and more often than not, it is your family. These people who have been there to hold your hand, to wipe each tear, and to offer a hug have taught you beautiful lessons that will stay with your forever. One day, I hope that my cousins can be there for those that they love as I was to them and to carry a piece of me in their hearts. So this is for them; a note of gratitude to those who have given me more than I could ever give them.