sunflower

His eyes were closed but the boy could still feel the sun beating down on his face.

He willed his racing thoughts to silence and instead mindlessly basked in the heat of the sunset. Crickets began to chirp from their hiding spots in the tall grass, a hearty chorus taking hold in the otherwise calm evening air. A car horn blared somewhere in the distance, but the boy couldn't be bothered to care at that moment.

For the first time in a long time, life was simple and he was content with that.

After a while, the boy rolled onto his stomach, finally fed up with being burnt by the sun. He slowly opened his eyes and studied the patch of meadow that surrounded him. He pressed his palms flat against the dirt to his sides, the earth underneath his fingers still damp from an afternoon shower. Clear droplets of water slipped from the bare leaves of summer flowers and intercepted the various paths of a squirming colony of evening bugs. An ant crested over the top of an anthill, briefly towering like a giant, before slipping out of sight into the nest's opening.

Without thinking, the boy threaded his fingers through the grass and plucked up the first flower he could find.

A sunflower.

He studied it for a moment, taking in the sight of its turgid stem and delicate petals. His eyes drifted back towards the anthill and he stretched enough to slip the stem of the flower into the hole at the top.

He would probably take it out later, bring the flower home, and put it in a vase; in fact, he already knew the person he would give it to. He watched the flower sway in the wind with sparkling eyes, the thought of her enough to bring a smile to his face.

An all-too-familiar hollowness surged in the boy's stomach. He sighed deeply, mind flitting through memories of a last meal before he slowly found the will to push himself to his feet. Somewhere in the midst of the mesmerizing flower dance, the sun had dipped below the horizon and cast the meadow into a dark shadow. The moonlight alone was barely enough for the boy to see his hand in front of his face. A shiver worked its way down his spine. He felt shaky and disoriented as he attempted a step forward into the darkness.

His foot sunk into soft soil–and then he heard a series of muted cracks.

The boy froze and looked down at his moonlit feet. To his horror, lifting his sneaker revealed the remains of a once towering anthill. Strewn in the dirt that was hard-pressed in the imprint of his shoe were tiny ant carcasses, some stomped beneath the surface while others were squished nearly beyond recognition. The few still alive squirmed restlessly over the tip of his shoe, wounded bodies desperately clawing for any chance of survival. The boy found their helplessness to be too palpable–too familiar.

Turbulent clouds appeared out of nowhere and swallowed the moon in the night sky, thrusting the entire field into near darkness. The boy felt the wind simultaneously picking up around him and felt himself being pushed forward by a sheet of relentless gales. His foot was propelled in front of him without his content, landing in the mud with another resounding squelch. Another anthill was trampled into the dirt. This time, a sunflower had caught the brunt of the attack as well and laid broken in the massacre.

Every step forward was another hill destroyed, another future decimated. The boy couldn't stop himself, nor could he stop the tears that rushed to his eyes. He wished that he could press pause and take a moment to stop and breath and correct himself–but he couldn't. He just had to keep walking, and killing, and walking, and killing, until the only things left in his wake were broken bodies and shredded petals.

The wind blew stronger and dragged him along with it, howling in his ears. It felt like there was no end, as if the boy were doomed to this forever.

Walking, and killing, and walking, and killing, and walking, and killing–

He jerked awake with a breathless shout. His cheeks were wet and he quickly scrubbed away the tears with a muddy palm, daring himself to look up towards the sky. The sun hung lazily over the horizon, painting the meadow in a golden orange glow. Somehow, it still felt dull. The boy's eyes traveled down to the dirt around him and focused on a trail of ants slowly proceeding back to their home after a hard day of work. He felt himself release a breath of air he didn't know he was holding in.

The summer daze had been broken and all of his thoughts had returned in full force. The choir of cricket songs had been drowned out by the incessant chime of a blaring car horn. His head throbbed with thoughts of peace and war and everything in between. There was too much to think about, yet too little time to process it all–at least, too little to process it all on his own.

With a shaky sigh, the boy snatched up his car keys from the grass and sought out the one person who seemed to be able to keep him out of his own head.

The anthill was relieved of its decoration.

~~~

"Hey."

Even in the darkness of the night, her voice felt like a ray of sunshine.

The boy almost melted at the sight of her smile, returning hers with a muted one of his own. She was already dressed in her pajamas, a faded yellow quilt drawn over her shoulders. The sweet scent of honeydew clung to her body and wafted into the air around her. Despite the modest backdrop of a summer evening in the suburbs, there was an almost angelic presence about her that even the darkest of nights couldn't overshadow. The boy felt a blush spread across his cheeks.

It was almost too cheesy, describing how perfect she was.

The couple stood together awkwardly for a moment, the boy swaying from side to side in the doorway of her house but not quite coming in. He was still jittery from the nightmare and she seemed to notice this, her smile slowly fading to a look of concern. He watched her eyes travel from his face down to the object in his hands and he was instantly jolted into motion. Her eyes widened in surprise as a tall, slim vase was thrust towards her face with slightly trembling hands.

A bright yellow sunflower peeked over its rim.

The boy's face was flaming red but he managed a timid smile. There was a brief silence as he watched her wrap her mind around the sight of the gift, and then the sound of her laughter erupted into the air. She immediately crashed into him, taking the boy by surprise as she surrounded him in a bone-shattering hug.

He couldn't help the dopey smile that spread across his face as he leaned in to return the gesture. The warmth that blossomed in his chest was unparalleled to anything he had ever experienced before.

His clothes were still muddy and his heart was still heavy, but it felt like the boy had finally seen the sun through his own eyes.