The School Bus

Caroline was sitting on the school bus staring at the raindrops racing each other down the window pane. It was August and the lack of air conditioning combined with the fact that she couldn’t open the window due to the rain had her feeling suffocated. The humidity commingled with the B.O. wafting from the other middle school kids surrounding her in the worst, most disgusting way. She was acutely aware of her legs sticking to the blue vinyl seats and wondered how many butts had sat in this seat before her. Her earbuds were making her ears hurt but she didn’t dare take them out and be forced to talk to one of these animals. To put it simply, Caroline was overstimulated and over it. It was only by the grace of god, or whoever the fuck was in charge - she certainly didn’t know, that her stop was next. The bus slammed its brakes causing Caroline's head to slam into the seat in front of her. She hoped no one saw it. As she turned to grab her backpack, her eyes glanced out the window and she saw her front yard was covered in cop cars, EMTs, and firefighters. The bus driver had slammed the brakes due to her shock. Kids dove to the windows to catch a glimpse of what was going on in Caroline’s yard. She ran off the bus and up to the first official-looking person she could find. “What’s going on? Where’s my parents?!” Caroline anxiously shouted to the young cop. 

“Um uh hold on.” He replied and desperately grabbed an older-looking man in a matching uniform. 

The older man looked at her and asked, “Do you live here little girl?”. 

“YES, can YOU tell me what's going on?!”. 

The men exchanged nervous glances before turning back to Caroline. “We received a 911 call and…I’m sorry but your mom is dead.” 

Caroline then heard a loud buzzing noise that filled her ears. Everything in front of her suddenly faded to black. She felt her legs lose any ounce of strength left in them. Then, before either man could attempt to catch her, Caroline collapsed onto the wet grass. When she awoke she was on a gurney inside an ambulance. A woman with her hair pulled into a neat bun looked like she was waiting for Caroline to regain consciousness. When she realized Caroline was awake she opened her mouth and pure honey poured out, “Hey sweetie, how’re you feeling?”. 

“My head hurts and I want someone to tell me what the fuck is going on?!” Caroline never swore. Her parents thought there were better words to use rather than ‘crass, classless, pirate language’, but Caroline thought that they would allow this moment as an exception. The woman looked at her with a look Caroline would eventually grow to loathe. 

“I’m so sorry hun, but your mom passed away this morning”. Caroline remembered being told that part before her head smacked the front yard. “Where’s my dad?”

 “He’s okay, he’s just talking with some detectives right now.” 

Caroline finally let go of the breath she was holding in. “When can I see him?”

 “I’m sorry, I don’t think that’s going to be possible.” 

“Well why not?!” Caroline was so tired of feeling like she didn’t know what was going on. All the adults around her seemed reluctant to tell her the truth and she was tired of it. She was thirteen years old for crying out loud, she was practically an adult. Four hundred years ago she would’ve been married with a baby by now! The woman took a deep breath before opening her mouth, Caroline noticed lipstick on her front tooth and it bothered her deeply. “Your dad has been arrested.” The woman finally replied. 

Caroline was so busy looking at the lipstick tooth that she had barely heard her. “Arrested? They can’t possibly think he hurt Mom. He loved her. She loved him. They were in love.” Caroline had seen it with her own eyes. Dad always brought Mom coffee in bed in the mornings. He cooked her favorite foods. They went on a date each week. They never yelled at each other! Caroline had seen how some of her friend’s parents treated each other. They would yell and make snarky comments to each other. They never kissed or touched each other. Caroline always considered herself lucky her parents were in love. Her mind was racing. She didn’t get too long to process before the two men from before were in front of her. The officers were skittish after her previous fainting. She could feel their energy, akin to long-tailed cats in a room full of rocking chairs. “We just wanna ask you a couple of questions about your mom and dad real quick then we can get you somewhere to stay tonight. Did you ever hear your parents arguing? Maybe they tried to hide it?” 

Caroline shook her head, “No they never yelled at each other.” 

“Has anything changed recently that you’ve noticed? Maybe they’ve been acting different.” Caroline paused to think. Her mom had been tired lately. She often found her mom napping on the couch when she came home from school. She’d also had more doctor's appointments recently. But Caroline thought it was just her mother’s current obsession. She went through phases of being a health freak, in a week or two she was back to eating Cheetos. “Yeah, I mean Mom had been going to the doctor a lot and napping more than usual I guess.” 

The men exchanged glances. “And how did your dad feel about that?”

 “I don’t know. He acted like he always does, lovingly.” Caroline replied with a tone of attitude. She just lost her mom, she didn’t want these guys to take her dad away too because he was an easy option to blame. Caroline listened to crime podcasts, she knew sometimes innocent people went to prison for lazy police work and she wasn’t going to give them an easy out. “When can I see my dad? I just want my dad.” 

This time the older cop spoke up first, “Let’s get you back to the station first. We’ll call your relatives to come get you, get a little food in your belly, then you can talk with him okay sweetie?” Caroline nodded grimly. She knew it was going to be a long evening. Before she knew it, Caroline was at the police station sitting beside the older man’s desk. It was covered in stacks of paper and folders. There were two picture frames in the mess that she could see. One was of a middle-aged woman with brown hair and a warm smile. Looking at it made Caroline feel welcome and then sick, her mom had a smile like that. The other was a picture of two kids: a boy and a girl around her age. Caroline didn’t like looking at their smiling faces. It reminded her that she would never be that happy ever again. Caroline was interrupted from her thoughts by the old man again, this time he brought a fast food bag. Her stomach growled at its sight. The man handed her the greasy brown bag, “Here you go, and your aunt is on her way. Eat that real quick then we’ll take you into a room to talk to your dad.” Caroline gulped down the burger and fries so fast it gave her indigestion. She ignored it. Now was not the time to have a stomach ache. Now was the time to find out the truth from someone she trusted. Caroline walked into the small room. There was a large mirror on one wall which she knew to be two-way, and a table and two chairs in the middle of the room. Caroline sat down with the mirror behind her and waited. The room was freezing and the bright fluorescent light was hurting her eyes. She let her mind wander to all the possibilities of what would happen to her now. Now that she was half an orphan and possibly going to lose the only parent left. Caroline could feel the panic rising in her throat. The hastily eaten burger was threatening to make a reappearance in the ice box of a room. The door knob jiggling caught her attention before the door opened wide and her father was escorted in and placed opposite her at the table. Caroline was crying. Her fat, wet tears slid down her face at a rapid pace. “Oh, daddy!” She reached her hands out to grab her fathers which he welcomed. 

“Shh, it’s okay care bear. It’s all going to be okay.” 

“They think you did it! They think you killed mommy!” Caroline yelled out.

 “I know what they think.” He replied soothingly, “But I didn’t hurt your mom, I never could do that to her. Once they look into what I told them, I’ll be home free don’t you worry.” 

Caroline looked at her father confused, “What did you tell them?” 

Her dad took a deep breath before looking Caroline in the eyes and replying, “I told them the truth. Your mom was sick, we just found out two weeks ago. She was dying Baby, she had pancreatic cancer. And you know her, she didn’t want some disease to take her. She wanted to leave this world on her terms and she did just that.” Caroline was shocked. Her mom was sick and no one thought to tell her. No one thought she should be able to say goodbye to her mom.