Don’t Look Back

Tap..tap..tap. Comes the soft drip of rain water pouring off the roof. Gentle as a mothers touch grey light brushes my closed eyelids. I can almost hear it whisper “wake up, wake up”. 

     Finally the sound of deep throaty coughs brings me from the pleasant sensation of half consciousness, welcoming me back into reality. “Ddthh” hissing as I sit up. The bruises from yesterday beat down screaming at me. “Beatrise, is it time to wake up?” My little sister Diana asks sleepily. “Not yet, now go back to sleep”. Kissing her on the head I silently close the door behind me. 

     I stand in the doorway watching my mom sleep. Her platinum blonde hair shines silver in the doll morning light. Brilliant blue eyes fly open. “It’s okay, it's just me” putting a hand to her forehead I recoil at how warm she is. “Ready for breakfast mom?” “Yes, that would be lovely” she rapses. My mom has been sick for years, the worst thing is, there’s no cure. She’ll have to take medication with nasty side effects for the rest of her life, that is, if we can even afford it. Wheat bread that seems too hard to chew, and a small ration of butter. I know, quite the breakfast. It’s all we can get through, so I can’t really complain. My mouth waters at the memory of pancakes, bacon and eggs. Hell, I can’t even remember the last time I ate something remotely flavorful. “Here you are ma’ “ I smile sadly at her. “It’s not much, but at least you’ll feel full enough”. Sparring no time she quickly drinks the foul liquid containing her meds and washes it back with a cup of water. “Thanks Beatrise”. 

     “Diana, time to wake up”. Sighing she pulls herself out of bed and goes into the bathroom. “Eat” I push a piece of that nasty bread into her hand as we make our way to school. “Alright kid, I’ll be waiting outside at 2” I give her a quick kiss to her dismay and watch her run off to her friends. A feeling of envy creeps into my heart. I miss the days where money didn’t determine your place on the social hierarchy, where you could just be friends with whoever shared your interests. Poor girl, she’s going to have a startling wake up call in a few years. 

     Beginning the way to high school always feels like walking to my execution. Wind blows causing my blonde hair to become disheveled and tangled. Overcast days are my favorite because they reflect what a dreadful place the world really is. Yes, yes, I know there are good people in this world, but they are far and few. The entry doors loom before me and I pause to savor the freedom of the great outdoors. 

     “Oh look, it's the poor girl!” Yells Trisha with her gaggle of pathetic followers. “Good morning Trisha it’s lovely to see your smiling face” I retorted, rolling my eyes. God, I really hate that queen b. She just  loves to flaunt her wealth and use it as an excuse to treat everyone like dirt. Well, it’s off to Mr. Mikalihans English class. At least I have my favorite class first thing to put me in a better mood. Mr. Mikalihan is the only teacher that doesn’t look down their nose with disdain at me, and his lessons in my opinion are the most engaging. “Hey Beatrise '' greets Alester, my best and only friend. “Hey there Al” I take a seat smiling. His striking green eyes peer inquisitively at me. “Rough morning?” I look down, that's the only confirmation he needs. Al puts an arm around me in a silent gesture of reassurance. “Eww Alester why are you dating the poor girl?, she probably has fleas on her!” Came the obnoxious voice of Trisha, and as usual her “followers” giggled behind her. Alester opened his mouth ready to call her some sort of profanity. I shake my head at him, “just ignore her”. “Beatris, when will you let anyone stand up for you?” He sighs in exacerbation. I’ve never told anyone besides Alester about my situation. No one knows how sick my mom is. No one knows that the cost of the medical bills has ruined us, leaving us with almost no money, in truth they probably wouldn’t care. Let them think what they want, they’ll get what’s coming to them….I know it. 

     In English we’re told to read our partners short stories and give them feedback. “Al this is great!” I exclaim in delight. His olive skin goes pink with pleasure. “Really? I’m so glad you like it.” His smile is so childlike with pride, that's one of many reasons I love him as a friend. I, unfortunately, wasn't blessed with the ability to write such captivating short stories. My strength lies more with longer, suspenseful stories. Trishas loud complaint at her low grade makes my heart swell with dark pleasure. 

     The rest of the day goes by in a blur of boreing lectures, bullies, and gross cafeteria food. Finally school comes to an end. I don't even bother to make a sarcastic comeback at Trisha, I'm just desperate to get out of this awful place. “Tris Tris!” Yells Diana as she runs to me. “Hey, how was school?” “It was Anne’s birthday so we got cupcakes and I got you one!” Sure enough a delicate pink cupcake was in her hand. I hug her and take a bite. I’m overwhelmed with the blast of sweet icing and chocolate cake. Tears form at the corners of my eyes and I quickly blink them away. “Come on kid, let's walk home now”. 

     “Mom?” I touch her forehead “oh my god you're burning up!” Running to the kitchen I grab a rag and douse it in ice cold water. “Here” I say, pressing it against her burning forehead. She lets out a shutter. I feel helpless, we can’t do anything because a doctor is too expensive. “Diana go do your homework” she asks with a little voice “will mom be okay?” “Let’s hope so” I reply. There's no need to sugar coat things. For hours her fever didn’t go away, eventually though her fever finally broke, but she’s nowhere near well. “Diana I’m going for a walk” I tell her while grabbing my coat and rushing out. I need air so badly. I breathe in the fresh cold air, feeling the brittle winds burn my throat. “Beatris is it?” I nearly jumped out of my skin in fright. There stands a brown haired, black eyed woman. She wore a black suit and held a file of some sort. “Ho-how do you know my name? I stutter out. “Don't worry I’m not here to kill you Beatrise” she laughs. “I’m Marisa from the DUI, department of undercover investigators, nice to meet you” “uh, nice to meet you too, what are you doing here?” “Well, we are recruiting new agents and you happen to be the perfect candidate.” “Why me?” “First of all you don’t have many friends or people who would want to search for you, you also have great scores on your aptitude test”. I wince at the reminder that I don't have many friends. “So, I have a proposal.” “Okay, go on” I can’t help my curiosity “if you accepted the position you would be transported in secret to our training facilities, given a complete new identity and have some of your physical attributes changed to ensure no one    would recognize you” “what about my family and my friend?” “Ah yes, your family would be well cared for and your mother’s medication would be paid for with life guaranteed”. “Okay, so what's the catch? “The catch is, you won’t be a     ble to tell anyone where you are going, but you can tell one trusted person”. “Wait, so I’ll just disappear with no trace?” “Basically yes, however, if you choose not to take the offer I will leave you after you sign a contract of secrecy.” “I dont know.” “Beatrise, your family will be provided for all their life, isn’t that what you want?” “Yes”. I imagine Diana and mom healthy and happy, that’s how I knew this was the right decision. It pains me so much but it's for their own good. “Fine I‘ll take the offer”. Marisa smiles “wonderful”.

     Cursing under my breath I force Alester’s window open. “Who is it'' a sleepy voice came from a mountain of blankets.” “It’s me Beatrise” I hiss “Beatrise what the hell are you doing here? A shocked looking Alester sits up. “Listen Al I don't have much time” I whisper urgently “what?” “I have been recruited for a position in the DUI” “DUI?” “Yes, the department of undercover investigators”. “I can only tell one person and you are my friend so I trust you”. I need you to protect Diana and make sure no one hurts her ``''I don't believe you” I point at a black Limousine sitting in the driveway. “Can you do that?” “Yes but when will you be back?” “I don't think I’ll ever be back Al” I tell him gently. We hug each other letting all of our emotions out at that moment. “Goodbye Al” I whisper and crawl out of the window. 

     I sit in the back of the car staring out at the sunrise that casts a golden light over the city. No one besides Alester knows, all everyone else knows it I’m missing. I don’t cry because I know this is the right decision, I know that my family will be cared for and that makes me happy beyond belief.

I don’t look back….