Three Broken Things

Trigger warning: domestic abuse, mental health, and suicidal behavior.

“What’s wrong with him, Denise?”

“There’s nothing wrong with him, he’s just a kid.”

“No, Danny is just a kid. A normal boy; has friends, plays video games, is good at baseball, and has never once skipped classes. He’s the kid I signed up for”

“Oh, signed up for! I didn’t realize that’s what-“

“Be real, Denise. Danny was planned, we wanted him, but Jason…”

“What? What Tom? What was Jason? A mistake?”

“Don’t look at me like it’s not true, you know you’ll never truly love him like you do Danny.”

“You’re a bastard! How dare you say that to me, you don’t know anything about parenting. You’re a coward, a small and spiteful coward.”

“Don’t you talk to me like that, without me you’d be on the street, whoring yourself out like the bitch you are- ow! Did you just… oh you’ve done it now bitch”

“Please, I’m sorry I didn’t mean to”

…

“So, Mrs. Adams, are you sure there isn’t anything else you want to tell us about what happened tonight?”

“Like what?”

“Well… that’s for you to tell us”

“What, you think I’m lying!”

“No, it’s just… it seems like there is more your not telling us, we want to help, but-“

“I’ve told you a thousand times, I tripped down the stairs, and I must have bumped my head, because when I got up, I felt dizzy and fell into the glass trophy case, and cut myself real bad, that’s when I called you guys. Now if you want to help me, let me go home to my kids.”

“Well, the doctors want you to stay overnight for observation, but my partner is arranging for your kids to stay with your parents until we can get you recovered and make sure everything is alright at home, okay?”

“What do you mean, ‘everything all right at home’? What are you suggesting? 

“Ma’am we just-

“Why is your partner talking to my kids? Where’s my husband?”

“It’s just protocol in a situation like this. We took him down to the station, just to ask some questions, but for now I want to schedule you an appointment with a friend of mine, her name is Rebecca Arnette, she’s a social worker I want you to meet.”

“This is ridiculous, I am fine. There is no way you are going to make me talk with a social worker, it’s not gonna happen.”

…

“You have some nerve, lady! Convincing my doctors that I needed to see you as part of a psych evaluation before I can go back to taking care of my kids is beyond evil.”

“Some would say that allowing them to live with an abuser is even worse. How about you come in and chat, I’m Mrs. Arnette, but you can Rebecca”

“I don’t know what you think happened here Rebecca, but all I did was fall down the stairs and-“

“Yeah, I know. You fell into a glass trophy case. Officer Davis already told me your official story, but, you wouldn’t be the first to tell a tall tale to protect your husband and you surely won’t be the last.”

“You don’t know my life”

“But I’ve seen countless women in your same situation”

“I’m not like them. I just fell down! Why don’t you believe me!?”

“I’m gonna need you to calm down, you're yelling.”

“I’m telling the truth, but you won’t believe me!”

“So, everything’s been fine with you and your husband?”

“He would never hurt me”

“Are you sure about that?”

“Yes! Why can’t you get that through your thick skull”

“Do you want to leave?”

“I’m only leaving once you clear me with my doctors”

“Okay, but first, do you mind listening to something for me.”

“If it will mean I get to tuck my kids into bed then sure, anything”

“The dispatcher sent me this recording as soon as they got off the phone.”

“911 what’s your emergency?”

“Help! I need help quick, I don’t know if he’ll be back”

“Who will be back? Are you in danger?”

“I’m bleeding, I think he broke my leg, I’m scared, please send help”

“Okay ma’am, do you mind confirming your address?”

“It goes on from there until the paramedics and police arrived, but by then you had completely changed your story. Now, this recording wouldn’t hold up court, not by itself, but if you tell us the truth, we can get both you and your children to safety I promise.”

“You can’t make that promise.”

“We can help you.”

“I don’t need anyone's help, I just need to see my children, please just stamp my card so I can see my babies again. I’ll figure out a solution I promise, but right now, I just need them in my arms. 

…

“So, Mr. Adams, I understand you are asking for sole custody of both Jason and Danny. you mentioned a program earlier that you think would be a good fit for Jason, remind me again what that was?”

“It’s a military Academy in Davenport, my friend’s son went there and they saw great results. Jason needs that type of structure and discipline, Denise has been way too soft on him and now it’s getting worse, she’s not fit to be a parent.”

“Objection!”

“Mr. Larsen, I know you are representing your daughter as her legal counsel, but I have to remind you again that this isn’t a formal trial, just an arbitration hearing, you don’t have to yell ‘objection’.”

“Sorry, your honor”

“That’s alright, Mr. Larsen. But since you did speak up, there is something I want to ask you about.”

“please, anything”

“I understand that Ms. Adams has been living with you for the past year, and that the boys spend every other week with their mom and you in your 1 bedroom apartment.”

“That is correct.”

“And is that the plan going forward?”

“Well-“

“I can answer that, dad. No, once I get a steady stream of income, We’ll be able to move out.”

“And when would that be?”

“I’m currently applying for disability for acute anxiety and depression”

“The last I checked, the wait for that list was 2-3 years, and the acceptance rate is notoriously low. So do you have any other ways of making money? Any job prospects?”

“Didn’t she just tell you she is disabled?”

“It’s okay dad, he’s allowed to ask his questions. No, I don't have any job prospects at the moment.”

“Okay, well, this seems like a pretty simple case, but there is one last thing that I want to discuss. I was reviewing your record Mr. Adams, and besides a few DUIs from the 90’s, your record is pretty spotless, but I do see an open domestic abuse investigation from a year ago. I got the details from the case worker, but I wanted to ask Ms. Adams if there was anything I should be aware of in regards to potential abuse in the home?”

“…no, none that I’m aware of”

“When you arrived here, some of you nearly a decade ago, you were weak and spoiled kids going nowhere in life, destined to wind up living in mommy and daddy’s basement the rest of your pathetic lives, but now look at you. You are strong young men, who know discipline and respect. We’ve molded you into the best of soldiers and into the best of men, and while some of you have chosen not to serve in the military after all-“

“Pussies!”

“Hey! Just because you're graduating today, does not mean I won’t beat you till you see god, boy! Now, Let’s get back to business, when you hear your name, come get your diploma. Abrams”

“Thanks, sir.”

“You’re still a scrawny ass pansy, but today you officially become a soldier, congratulations. Now, Adams.”

“Wait, he gets to graduate”

“Jason the weirdo! You stayed here for six years and didn’t have a single visitor, no friends or family, and I don’t blame them, you are a pathetic excuse for a man.”

“I’m just happy I’m finally free of this place”

“If it was up to me, you wouldn’t leave until you learned a little respect, but unfortunately I don’t make the rules, so today's your lucky day, you’re not gonna die here, but man you were close a couple of times, remember when your pathetic ass collapsed last winter at roll call, you nearly died from the frostbite, you are pathetic”

“And you’re uncreative. Use a couple of other insults”

…

“You don’t talk much, huh?”

“I’m sorry.”

“No need to apologize, it’s normal for unhoused kids of your age to be shy, but I also noticed that you don’t look people in the eyes either, and you sort of shut down when people try to engage with you… sort of like what you are doing right now.”

“I just don’t really like other people, I’m sorry, I’ll try to do better.”

“You’re sweet. Too sweet to be at that horrendous camp, that’s for sure. You said your dad sent you there right?”

“After my mom left us.”

“Right. Before that did they ever get you tested, like at a doctor’s office or something.”

“No, but I already know I have Asperger’s, the only books in the academy library that weren’t required school reading were weapons Manuals and medical journals. It’s pretty obvious once you read the symptoms.”

“And I assume the Academy didn’t provide you with any kind of therapy or treatment.”

“No.”

“Would that be something you would be interested in?”

“I don’t have insurance, I can’t afford it.”

“Well then isn’t it your lucky day! I happen to be a certified therapist, and I just so happen to volunteer my services here every Wednesday and Friday, how about we schedule a weekly appointment? I would very much like to talk more about your childhood, particularly your mom, and maybe we can even get you back on your feet too, would you be interested in that.”

“Yes I would”

…

“You can do this, you can do this… stop panicking, you only talk to yourself when you’re panicked… oooh…ahhh…ooh…ahh…just like Nicole taught you… here goes nothing…*ding dong*”

“Hello, can I help you… you must be from that frat house down the street, did you lose a frisbee in my backyard agai- wait… no… I can’t *sobs*, Jason is that you?”

“Mom”

“Oh my sweet boy, look how big you’ve grown, oh my goodness, this is so unexpected, how did you find me?! I thought I was completely off the grid by now.”

“I was able to get your transfer record, and called an entire network of psychologists, psychiatrists, therapists, and even a few eastern medicinal practices, everyone you’ve ever been treated by, until someone was able to tell me an address.”

“You did all that just to talk to me.”

“I didn’t know what to expect when my therapist started me down this path, but she said it would  be worth it for me to say my peace.”

“And what is it you want to say?”

“At first I was angry, I wanted to know how you could have possibly left us, but as I spent the last few months learning about what you faced, my perspective changed. Dad told us you left for no reason, but in reality you were just trying to survive.”

“No, sweetheart, I failed you boys, I wasn’t able to protect you, and I searched for years for the strength to come back, but I was too weak.”

“No, mom, don’t feel guilty, you were sick, you didn’t fail us, I just got accepted into med school, and the first thing we are learning is the effects of PTSD, that’s likely what you were facing. Do you mind if we go inside, it’s chilly out here”

“Wow, congrats Jason, I’m so happy to hear that you are doing so well, but I don’t know if it’s appropriate for you to come inside.”

“What do you mean?”

“I lost my chance at being in your life ten years ago. To be in it now… it just wouldn’t be right, I abandoned you when you needed me most.”

“No you didn’t, you were sick, it wasn’t your fault.”

“It was all my fault. I ruin everything, everywhere I go… so go! Leave me.”

“Mom, please! You're clearly having an episode.”

“Leave!”

“Oh, Danny, don’t chicken out this time. If you’re gonna do it then just pull the trigger, stop being a pussy and pull the trigger, how would dad react if he saw you not following through on your actions. Always follow through, that’s what he always said, whether it’s in the batter’s box, the fareway, or in the boardroom you always see your actions through. Even if it means blowing your brains out in your office, just do it… do it… goddammit. Why do I keep doing this to myself, I know I’ll never have the guts to actually do it, dad was right about you. You’re a coward.”

“Hey, Mr. Adams, I have a Dr. Adams on line one for you if- OhMyGod! Is that a gun?! Why do you-?! Oh my god! Were you gonna shoot yourself?! Drop it”

“Marsha! Goddammit, I told you not to barge in on me when my door is closed, who raised you? Wolves?”

“Please put down the gun.”

“Oh… geez, I’m not gonna shoot you Marsha, I can’t even pull the trigger. Just forget you saw the gun, it was nothing anyway, just a brief lapse in judgment, I get it from my mom. Anyway, what did you need to tell me so urgently?”

“You have a call from a Dr. Adams, he says he’s your brother”

…

“I can’t believe after all this time, I’m actually sitting across from you. It’s unbelievable, I’m so sorry that I didn’t come and find you after you graduated. I was busy with the startup, and I hadn’t seen you in six years by then, I kinda just assumed you were off on a military base somewhere halfway around the world, I had no idea you were just a few miles down the road.”

“It’s okay, we weren’t very close anyway”

“Don’t say that. When dad shipped you off I was devastated. I used to beg him to bring you home for the summer, or even just a weekend, but he  hated you, he blamed you for mom leaving him and wanted you completely gone from our lives, and he worked to make sure I forgot about you entirely.”

“Seemed to have worked. When you didn’t show up at graduation, I figured you had given up on me, it was mom that finally convinced me to reach out to you.”

“You talked to that devil of a woman? After what she did to us.”

“She was unwell, you shouldn’t blame her for the mistakes she made twenty years ago.”

“She left her kids with a monster! I don’t care how sick she was, that was unforgivable.”

“Monster? What do you know about dad being a monster, he loved you, he practically worshiped you. Meanwhile, I get shipped to a prison camp for six years, you were the lucky one. I bet you still talk to him, don't you?”

“I do, in fact it was only last week, when I spoke to him last. When I got off the phone I was so emotionally broken that I put a gun to my head and prayed I had enough strength to pull the trigger.”

“Oh my god”

“He may have not hated me as much, but at least you got to leave, I got all his “love” and now I carry it around like a noose around my neck, slowly suffocating me.”

“I think you, mom, and I share more in common than you think.”

“Mr. Adams, you got a voicemail while you were resting, it was from Daniel, do you want me to play it for you?”

“Yeah, though I’m sure he’s just going ask me to bail his business out again, the failure can’t go a week without going bankrupt.”

“Okay”

“Dad, I’m gonna keep this quick because honestly, you’re just not worth my time.”

“Who does he think he is-“

“I know you’re always so concerned with your legacy. Going on and on about how I’ll one day destroy it. Well let me ease your concern, I don’t want it. There were only ever three things you had that were worth anything, but you made sure to break them, didn’t you?”

“What’s he on about?”

“First, mom, you broke her spirit and love for her children with your abuse. She has lived her life in fear, panic, and guilt because of you. Then, you have Jason, when he needed family the most, you cut him off and cast him out. He went through hell because you chose to put him there, he lost his childhood and his joy in life, he’s spent his whole life trying to pick up the pieces. Finally you have me, a suicidal wreck of a business exec, stripped of a loving family for years, and stuck with an angry drunk father who I should have cut off years ago.”

“He’s always been over dramatic”

“That’s on you, you’re responsible for that. You broke us, but you couldn’t quite kill us, could you? We survived you, and now we thrive without you. Mom slowly forgave herself, and so did I, and she now lives with Jason in Des Moines. He’s a successful psychologist, and he even got me to go to therapy, I haven’t had a lapse in judgment in years. We are finally happy. I hope you know that, as you sit alone in your big house, with only your nurse by your side, we are happy despite you.”

“Ugh…uh…ow”

“Mr. Adams! Mr. Adams! Oh no!”

…