Rewind Please

 Misty air hits my face as I make my exit from my favorite pub. I deeply inhale my Pall-Mall and a cloud surrounds my already foggy head. Slowly I stagger to my car and plop against the drivers side to dig out my keys.

 I finally find the keyhole to my beat up Honda and hear the click as she allows me to fall inside. Boom! Damn, sorry girl didn't mean to slam ya. Whew what a night. Racked up in that dart tourney I proudly tell myself. Off to pick up my daughter. We hafta go to school and work after all. Or maybe we can skip today and get breakfast. I'll decide later.

 A sprint of cologne and two pieces of wintergreen later I enter my moms house. Grab a water from the fridge and scoop up little Abby 

 I tuck her into the carseat and buckle her in. The radio is on my favorite sports station. I bet on games quite often and it's football season, my fave!

 Mmmm smell that? I look back and ask Abby. She has light brown hair and curls for days. Deep brown eyes, and dimples you just can't refuse. She looks so much like her mother it's unreal. Her mother passed away Five years ago tomorrow. She had a heart attack, right in front of me and I didn't even know thats what was happening. Abby was only 1 1/2 years then. Our lives shattered forever. Thought nothing worse could ever happen again to either one of us. Boy was I wrong...

 We slide into a booth where she holds her teddy. That bear is her ride or die man. She won't go anywhere without it. As for us we were a dynamic duo! I loved this kid so much!

 "A juice for my lady and a coffee for me please." I ask politely.

 Upon her return I order a burger and double hash scattered, covered, and chunked. And a All-star over medium for my girl. No syrup just a little honey. She's always ate her waffles like this.

 As we wrap up I pay the tab and tip generously. I ask Abby if she wants to stay home today and we can chill? She of course without hesitation screams "Yes! Yes! Can we stop and get a new Lego set to do?" I reply with a hug and kiss. She knows this means yes.

 Man this fucking light has been red forever! Ahh there we go green at last. I turn left, BAM! Glass shatters over the left side of my face. My head lunges into the top of the steering wheel and that is the last thing I remember.

 Beep. Beep. Beep. I peel my eyes open to find my body strapped to a bed and a woman hovering over me. But she is no Dr. I notice. My first question to the answer I think I already knew was "Where is Abby?"

" At Shopenhurst cemetery. Don't fret the service was beautiful. As is her headstone" detective Smith callously replied.

What!!!? When!!?

The answer changed me forever.

"Six months ago. Would you like to know how?"

I think i know...

"Well now that your awake well see about your transfer to the State hospital."

"Why? What did I do?" I asked with tears already streaming down my face. I lay there trembling awaiting a response.

"Your tox screen that morning showed you over the legal limit, your being charged with manslaughter."

 "That's crazy! No way!" I said not so politely

 "I only know what I know Mr. Ledford

 As I sit in front of the Honorable Judge Plank I pray this is a dream. I keep rewinding that night in my head, trying not to blame myself. Something else had to of gone wrong. But I had done the wrong of wrongs. I broke up the dynamic duo. I put my child's lie in jeopardy and lost. Who was I to determine her fate as such? 

 I didn't plead my case. I just waited for my death sentence and finally I was shook from my deep thoughts with the gavel coming down. "Mr. Ledford, you are sentenced to 25 years in the State Penitentiary serving at least 10 before eligible for parole."

 I just sat there in a zone. No reaction nothing. I was still watching my tape in my head.

 I spent the first two years laying and sulking. My pitty potty was huge, and so was my chip. I carried so much weight and left my higher power in the dust. What kinda power does this to an innocent soul after all? 

 A 'librarian" (another do gooder inmate, ugh) came by once a week. I always told him to fuck off. But the sun shined through my crack of a window a little different this day. I asked him for a book. He shuffled for a minute and exclaimed "Ah-ha!!" And handed me a book titled: "The Sun Does Shine" By:Anthony Ray Hinton

 My life was changed forever again that day. I read it on one setting. Skipped my meals and all. I decided this wasn't my end after all. I felt a comfortable rage to do something with the tragedy I caused.

 I started the jails first ever recovery group. Started building my relationship with my higher power again. Little by little the chip on my shoulder was being filled and weight lifted from my chest. Thank You GOD!!

 Men came to me for advise and I shared my story in groups. I press rewind everyday. Not to sulk but to give back and never take anything for granted again. 

 My parole came up finally 9 years later. I was rewarded with the boot to society. Lost once again I turned to my higher power. It wasn't long before he answered.

 I walk along the winding roads that lead to my chapel of choice. Usually looking at the sky and all the beauty it exudes. I ran smack into some drunkard trying to get into his car.

 "Whoa buddy, maybe you shouldn't drive." He agreed to let me drive him home. I stayed with him till he sobered up. It was then I found my calling.

 Around three months later I started my first recovery center: The Great Rewind Center

 I tell my story to anyone who will listen and hope they learn. I carry Abby's teddy with me. I has one drop of blood on it. Reminds me to rewind next time I think of a drink or hesitate telling my story.

 I do all of this not for me, but for other children to be saved in any adults madness. For who are we to decide their fate and take it outta his hands?

 So if you ever even slightly question whether you should be driving...don't. For in your question lies your answer.

-Kelly Tedford

11/29/20